Finding April (gxg)

Part 17

I was entirely surprised when my mom said she wanted to have a dinner party for my 22nd birthday. I figured right now she didn't want to do much to celebrate for me- but I was wrong.
My birthday landed on a Saturday this year so it worked out. I've never been one to care too much about my birthday- but Ava always did. And this year it seemed to be even more special to her. But I felt entirely empty when I woke up on my birthday. I felt drained before the day even began. I knew this was something I would tell Heidi- I had seen her twice, and I was liking just having someone to spout off to. And I could tell my mom was pleased I was going to therapy.
Since Ava and I started dating, our Saturday morning coffee dates weren't  as planned anymore, considering how much time I spent at her house and vice versa. But this particular Saturday morning that was my birthday, she texted me at 9 am, bright and early, that she was outside of my house. I threw a sweatshirt and leggings on and went downstairs. It seemed as though no one was awake at my house yet.
I was greeted at my door with a couple boxes from Ava.
"Happy birthday." she said, smiling at me and handing me the boxes.
"Thank you." I smiled back at her, "Come in, it's cold out."
We went into my living room and Ava sat down next to me on the couch.
"Open your gifts!" she said, excitedly.
"Okay, if you insist I open them in front of you." I said to her.
She got me one of my favorite treats, chocolate covered strawberries. She also got me my favorite perfume, Black Tulip from NEST, and then to my surprise- a very expensive black watch from Armani.
"You did not have to spoil me like this." I said, looking at the watch.
"Yes I did. You deserve to be spoiled, especially with all that you've been through this past year." Ava said. I leaned in and gave her a kiss.
At that moment, I heard footsteps. I pulled away and looked up to see my mom.
"Happy birthday, honey." she said to me, "Hi, Ava. You're coming later for dinner, right?"
"Yes." Ava nodded.
"Great, we will see you then." my mom said.
My whole family was going to be at dinner, except well, April of course. Which was killing me inside all day. It's become my new normal to always be worrying about her. To have her always on my mind. But I just felt an even more immense amount of sadness on my birthday about it. I kept checking my phone to see if I had a happy birthday text from her. But it never came through.
My mom made a lot of food for my birthday dinner. My siblings, plus Ava, were going to be there. We were also all surprised when my brother asked if he could bring a date, a girl named Kimberly who he revealed he had been dating.
I put on a nice pair of dark wash jeans and a black off the shoulder sweater and started to make my way downstairs. At the bottom of the steps my dad was standing there, holding a small bouquet of red roses.
"Happy birthday, Josephine." he said to me, handing me the flowers as I reached the bottom of the staircase.
"Thanks dad." I said, and gave him a hug. I realized this was most likely the first time I hugged him since April went missing. Since he became a shell of himself.
I noticed at the family dinners my mom had been hosting over the past months, Katie seemed to be the one that carried a lot of the conversation and got people to talk and come out of their shell. Before April went missing, she would always be the one to do that. I couldn't help but think about how April would be turning 25 this year. March 25th was her birthday. And I wondered if she was even around to celebrate it.
My mom was talking to Ava a lot, which I really did appreciate. At one point her and Ava were talking about how I was as a child- and she got up to go grab a picture.
She came back with a framed photo of me in a plaid dress with a long sleeved yellow shirt. My dark hair was in low pig tails and I was missing a couple of teeth. I was smiling. But there was a story behind the photo apparently.
"This is Josephine's kindergarten class picture." my mom said, showing it to Ava.
Ava turned and looked at me, "You were even adorable back then."
"Josephine looked like a little doll. But she hated getting her photo taken." my mom said.
"She still does." Ava laughed, "How were the photographers able to get her to smile in this one?"
I saw my mom pause for a second. And I knew why. Memories were starting to flood back.
"You know, it's funny. Josephine's teacher thought that April could help. And she did. April came down to the auditorium where the photos were being taken. I believe she was in 4th grade. And the photographers told me that she made funny faces at Josephine until she cracked a smile." I saw my mom then smile, but sadly.
"That's really sweet of her. Sounds like April." Ava said softly.
"It definitely is April to a t." my mom said, putting the photo in her cardigan pocket.
I could feel my eyes starting to tear up, just involuntary. But I blinked them back. And I held back those tears while we finished dinner. And when my mom brought out the tres leches cake, which is my favorite, for dessert. As well as when everyone sang 'happy birthday' to me.
But when I got to my room after dinner, Ava following me in tow, I laid down on my bed and broke down.
"Josephine, what's wrong?" Ava asked me, her eyes filled with concern. She was sitting across from me on my bed.
I don't break down in tears a lot about April, but after hearing the story behind the photo, and then remembering it, I couldn't help it.
"What if she's not alive, Ava?" I cried.
"I really think she is." Ava said, inching over and sitting next to me. She put her arm over my shoulder.
"I literally can't even breathe when I think about having to go through life without her ever again. Just to have her there, like how she was when I got that photo taken." I said, tears flowing down from my eyes.
"I know. None of you deserve to be in this situation." Ava said, running her hand over my back.
"Especially April."
"I really do believe though that she is out there somewhere."
"I hope you're right." I said, looking at Ava. And then she leaned in and gave me a gentle kiss.
"I'm always going to be here for you." she said to me.
"I don't want you to feel like I am a burden or anything." I said to her, "I'm sorry I'm such a mess."
"A burden? No fucking way. Josephine, you make my life so much better." Ava said, "You did as my best friend, and even more so as my girlfriend."
"You are what keeps me going." I said, looking into Ava's pretty hazel eyes.
"I love you." Ava said to me, "And I truly think by your 23rd birthday, you will have so many more answers."
I sure hoped so. More than anything.