Affinity [h.s]

47

We all keep running from our demons until it's dark.
That's when they come out to play.

"Grace." His deep voice speaks breaking my thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"Did you ever hate me?"
He turns his vision to me.
The lights of the streetlights illuminating half of his face as his eyes stayed on me.

I look down and take a deep breath before answering.

"At one point, yes. When I thought you were being unreasonable, when you were hurting me.
I did kind of hate you. Or at least I thought I did." I mumble.

He stays quiet but looks away.

"Why?" I question.

"Do you think you can hate me again?" He says without looking at me.

What was he thinking?

"For what?" I clarify.

"For something.. I did in the past.." he looks down at the cigarette which was almost burning at the base.

"If it's in the past, then I don't think that it'll bother me now. I don't think it matters." I shrug.

"What if it's a bad thing? Will you hate me then?"
His voice vibrates.

"I don't know." I speak unsure of myself. "But Harry.. why are you talking about this right now?" I question a little worried.

"I have nightmares, I'm stressed all the time and I barely sleep nowadays.
But only one thought that haunts me the most is-"
He takes a drag.

"I can't lose you."
He states looking at me for a second before looking away.
"You have no idea how much I've dreaded the days we were on bad terms and all I wanted was to apologise for doing what I did.
But I just kept making things worse. I made horrible mistakes.
And yes, maybe I'm being selfish, but I can't lose you again." He sniffles.

"I won't let you go. Not this time."

I didn't quite understand what just happened but it felt like he was hurting. I think he was afraid that I was going to hate him and abandon him for something he did in the past.

About his past, all I know is that he's been on his own.
As much as I heard from him that night, he was forced into all of these stuff.
He didn't deserve that. He was just a kid who wanted to go after his dream. He deserved better.

"You won't lose me. I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here, alright?"
I assure softly placing my hand on his shoulder.

I notice the cigarette had reached the end, burning the skin on his fingers but he didn't care. He was doing it on purpose.

"Harry no!" I throw it away from his hand.

I hold his shoulder turning him to me. Softly I hold his face making him look into my eyes.
His eyes were glossy and a little red.

"It's okay to be tired. I know you're hurting but you're so strong. You've been through so much and yet you never gave up. I'm proud of you. You're a fighter.

Yes you did some things, very bad things to me, to other people maybe, but I understand.
While it doesn't make it all okay, I understand that you did what you had to do and had no other choice.
And it's okay, Harry.

It's okay to not be okay.

It's just a storm, it'll pass before you know it.

Look at the better side of life. Look how far you've come.
You're in the best band right now. You sing so great. You're my personal favourite. You have so many people who love you. You have saved so many lives without even knowing.