Behind The Camera

Chapter 35

Lumabas silang lahat matapos sabihin ni Mom iyon. Siobhan actually wanted to stay for her Mama Eli pero nabiro nila Silas para sumama sa kanila. Tahimik lang ako sa tabi ni Mom hanggang makalabas silang lahat.

"I remember the first moment I saw you." Napatingin ako sa kanya nang sabihin niya iyon. Mom's already looking at me, wearing the very same gentle smile that I saw her wore on the videos. "I fell in love with you then, Giovanna."

"Why did you name me Giovanna po?" Magalang kong tanong sa kanya. "Why did you allow dad to name me after him and Nay Anna?

"Mom, Giovanna." Ngumiti siya sa akin at hinakawan ang kamay kong nakapatong sa kama niya. "Can you call me Mom again?" Tumango ako.

She took my hand and caressed it, "I was the one who named you, Giovanna. I wanted to name my daughter with your name ever since I found it when I was looking for names whilst pregnant with your Kuya Keiran. I didn't know his gender then but I promised myself that I would name my baby, Giovanna if she's a girl." Her eyes glazed over like she's watching her memories in front of her. "I was losing hope of having a daughter. Sa dalawang pagbubuntis ko, dalawang lalaki ang inuluwal ko but then you came, my Giovanna Eve."

Mom smiled at me, "Did I ever tell you what your name means?" Umiling ako. Mom wiped away the tears that escaped from my eyes. "Giovanna Eve. God is gracious for giving your dad and I a blessing on our darkest days. He gave me the daughter that I was praying for."

"How can you take care of me, Mom? I am the daughter of the woman who took advantage of Dad." Tanong ko sa kanya. Mas humigpit ang pagkakahawak sa akin ni Mom. "I'm a product of sin, Mom."

Umiling siya sa akin. "You are not a product of sin. What Inanna does not reflect you. You are the daughter of Giordan and Elizabeth Il Defonso. Inanna might've carried you in her womb for 9 months but I have carried you in my heart ever since I saw you."

"I'm sorry, Mama." I cried like a child in front of her. Hindi niya man sabihin, alam kong nahirapan siya sa akin.

"Why are you saying sorry? I should be the one saying sorry. Mama was too tough on you growing up." Umiiyak na rin si Mom ngayon. "I was tough to your other siblings but I was tougher with you and I'm sorry, anak." Magsasalita na sana ako para sabihin na ayos lang iyon pero naunahan niya ako. "Don't say that it's fine, Giovanna. I knew I was pressuring you so much because I thought that pageantry was what you wanted. I wanted you to be best para wala kang pagsisi sa buhay mo."

"I just wanted to be with you, Mom." Ngumiti ako sa kanya. "I can't believe that I forgot the real reason why I joined."

"Maybe it was a way for you to protect yourself. Your Dad and I think that it was because you thought that I didn't watch you. You started distancing yourself to me after that day." Mom smiled but I can see that it is too much for her to remember. " You no longer wanted me to sing you to sleep. No more hugs before school. No more stories about your day but I can't do anything because it was my fault."

"I did that, Mom?"

Tumango siya. "You used to always want to be sung to sleep. Nakalimutan mo lang iyon lahat dahil sa galit mo sa akin but I guess some stayed. The lullaby that I used to sing to you, ikaw naman na ang kumakanta noon kay Siobhan."

"I'm sorry for forgetting, Mom." Tumayo ako para yakapin siya.

She held my face when pulled apart. "Stop saying sorry, anak. I should be the one saying sorry. I have a long list to apologize for. I still haven't asked for forgiveness for what I did years ago. I'm sorry Giovanna for disowning you in anger. I came back to your place when I finally calmed down but you weren't there."