Everything I'm supposed to hate • Harry J. Potter •

25

"I think... I think I've fallen for you, Harry."

You couldn't believe you were doing this less than an hour after breaking it off with Theo. But there was something burning inside of you that made you keep going.

"No, I know I have. Because ever since fifth year when I cast my Patronus charm for the first time I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. I tried. I tried so hard. I started dating Theo Nott to try to distract myself from you, but it didn't work. I just ended up using him. Yes, I know how terrible that sounds, and you'll probably despise me even more for it, but it's true and I can't lie to you.

I lied to myself and Theo for too long and I'm tired of lying. So fucking tired. I used Theo to try to get you out of my head, but it was pointless. Because I never really wanted you out of my head. I just didn't want to admit that to myself. I didn't want to admit it to anybody. Until tonight I guess.

I don't--I think I was scared to accept how I felt because of this stupid idea that we couldn't be together even if you felt the same as me. I let my pride get in the way of admitting my feelings and I let house prejudice dictate who I let myself fall for. You're everything I'm supposed to hate, but I don't care. I like you, Harry. A lot. And I'm tired of pretending I don't."

You had been staring intently at your bare feet while you spoke, too scared to even glance over at Harry's shoes. Now, however, you somehow managed to gather enough courage to peek over at Harry's face. To your surprise, he was looking at you, too.

You tried to read his expression, to gage what kind of reaction to your confession you'd be getting but you couldn't. He was completely unreadable.

"You don't have to say anything," you added quickly. "I just... I just needed to tell you."

"What did you tell Nott?" Harry asked quietly.

"The truth," you replied, just as quiet. You decided it'd be easier to look at your hands instead of Harry. "He said he loved me until I told him it was you. Then he got really angry and threw me out of his dorm. I ran out of the common room and ended up here."

"He threw you out in just that?" Harry gestured to your nightgown.

"My uniform is still in his dorm, but he threw me out in this so it could 'show everybody just how much of a whore I am' were his exact words I believe," you sighed, picturing Theo's face contorted with pain and rage. "It's not like I didn't deserve it. He's right, I suppose."

"He's a prat is what he is," Harry muttered

"No he's not!" you defended. "He had every right to throw me out and insult me! What I did to him was horrible."

Harry shook his head. "I know, it was horrible, but..."

It stung even more coming from Harry, but it was true.

"Well, it was still a nasty thing to do, calling you that and kicking you out in just..." Harry paused awkwardly and gestured to your nightgown again.

You shrugged. "Whatever. I'm just relieved I finally told the truth for once. I feel terrible that I hurt him, but, I dunno, it's nice not to have to pretend anymore."

"You care about him, though, I can tell," Harry said.

"Of course I do," you frowned, ringing your hands. "He's been one of my friends for a long time and I liked him a lot, but I couldn't love him the way he wanted."

"...Because of me."

You swallowed and finally looked up from your hands. Harry was staring into the darkness of the corridor.