𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌𝐒 | rini & jolivia oneshots

Descriptions (6)

Back to another post where I "roast" an artist's songs. Today, I'm doing some of Olivia Rodrigo's unreleased. -kxrlmybeloved-, get ready for this theater-nerd-Mean-Girls-obsessed-cringe-fest. Feel free to skip this, ungrateful colonials.

Gross: a lovesick, heterosexual teenager.

They're soulmates. Once upon a time, Liv met this dude at a party. He must've been attractive because whole lotta girls flocked to him. Hey, I get this! Laughing at my sister as she's dazzling the room/Then you walked in and my heart went boom! Tryna catch your eye from the side of the ballroom, everybody's dancing and the band's top volume, grind to the rhythm as we wine and dine, grab my sister and whisper, 'yo this one's mine.'

"Elizabeth Schuyler, it's a pleasure to meet you."
"Schuyler?"
"My sister."
NUMBER TWO, HE'S AFTER ME CAUSE I'M A SCHUYLER SISTER THAT ELEVATES HIS STATUS I'D HAVE TO BE NAIVE TO SET THAT ASIDE—I'll stop.

Now, her life gets better with every letter that he writes her. She thinks that they don't need money, they don't need a legacy, as long as they have each other. (Ahem, Alexander would like to disagree.)

Eliza, I don't have a dollar to my name
An acre of land, a troop to command, a dollop of fame
All I have's my honor and a tolerance for pain
A couple of college credits and my top-notch brain...
INSANE! Your family brings out a different side of me...

Cue I DO I DO I DO I DO! THAT BOY IS MINE, THAT BOY IS MINE! (Play Here Comes the Bride) IN NEW YORK YOU CAN BE A NEW MAN, IN NEW YORK YOU CAN BE A NEW MAN!

But hey...happily ever after, it doesn't come so easily. Next thing ya know, he doesn't want to run away with you upstate for the summer, stays behind to get his damn plan to Congress, rails a random woman in his own home, and then publishes a whole motherfcking book about the affair. (Cue Say No to This, Reynolds Pamphlet, Burn, and SOUR.)

Final summary: HELPLESS! DOWN FOR THE COUNT AND I'M DROWNING IN THEM!

Apocalyptic Crush: Regina and Janis' relationship with Cady and Aaron?

"See, that's the thing with you Plastics. You think that EVERYBODY is in love with you when actually, everybody hates you! You know Aaron Samuels, he dumped Regina, and he STILL doesn't like you!"

"AND I WANT MY PINK SHIRT BACK! I WANT MY PINK SHIRT BACK!"

No, this is like an AU where Regina and Aaron have (seemingly) gotten back together, and she's calling him at 10:00 to ask for math help. Regina, being...well, Regina, writes a whole-ass song about it.

Just a side note, World War III would be VERY dangerous. It's not the 1900s anymore, so who knows? High-tech weapons, more ways to sneak attack...unless World War III is just something you can play on your Xbox. And after two world wars, dozens of epidemics, the world STILL isn't satisfied?