i'll try to fix you | m.c.

two: back

| sam's pov |

He's back. In movies when they say when your heart broken you want to cry and eat pizza? They're wrong. All you want to do is punch someone in the face and cry. I thought I'd never see him again, It'd be better that way actually.

We met eyes in the hallway, when he saw me his smile turned in the biggest frown. He was disappointed, hell I don't blame him. Look what I've become. I immediately told myself that I was going to ignore him, that was the best. For both me and him. We had most classes together, and he was awkward. I knew he wanted to talk to me he just didn't know what to say.

Lunch time came around and the same as usual, Nikki, Katie, and Sara all gathered behind the bleachers, waiting for me. There they either prepared joints or had a new pack of cigarettes. Either one made me happy, I smoked cigarettes everyday so they didn't effect me like weed did. It gave me a rush of hope. But then reality came back.

Today was cigarettes. I groaned because I wanted weed. I craved it now more than ever. These girls knew what happened, they knew how it effected me, but we never talked about our problems.

"Guys I'm quitting after today. I can't do this anymore, my moms going to kick me out if I keep this shit up." Nikki spoke

I puffed out my smoke, and nodded.

"Alright then it's just us three. That's okay."

"No I'm quitting too, I'm going to tryout for track. Sorry guys we can still hangout and stuff." Katie said apologetically

"Hangout?" I scoffed

"When we 'hangout' we usually smoke or drink. There's no cool hangouts anymore."

"I'm sorry Sam, I can't do this anymore. What happened to you? You were a great kid, strait A student, best friends with Clifford. He kept you in place-"

"Back off Kate. You have no room to talk right now." Sara growled

"I'm trying to help you both. You both can be so much more than you know. What are you doing to yourselves?"

"Fuck off Kate, because your the one that got me into this shit." I said through gritted teeth. It was true, I went to another one of Jessica's parties and that's when I met Kate. I told her I needed an escape from Michael. That's when she told me about our little group, and cigarettes and drinking and weed and I got hooked. I fell down the train after that. I didn't care about anything except for the fact that I wanted Michael out of my head.

"I know, and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry, I wish the best luck to both of you."

The two of them walked away. Me and Sara always had a special bond, we were the only ones who really fell under, we related to the same issues. We actually told each other our problems, but never have I ever seen Sara cry. And I'm afraid there's no emotion left in her to cry anymore. Everything is gone.

"Thank you Sar. You didn't need to do that."

"Yes I did, she had no right to bring up Clifford like that, she knows how sensitive you are to that subject."

"Nah not anymore. I could give two fucks about him." I said nonchalantly

But the real question was, was I trying to convince her or myself?