i'll try to fix you | m.c.

one: hope

| sam's pov |
senior year:

It's been a year since the kiss. It's also been a year since I last saw him. He hasn't responded to any of my texts, calls, emails, anything. Ever since that bonfire when we decided to make something happen he hasn't come back. I've stopped by his house multiple times, his mom just said he's out.

I didn't know if he was avoiding me, mad at me, or anything. I didn't know what I did wrong. When he didn't come to school the first day I just thought he was ditching, usual Michael. After two weeks of him not showing up, or responding to my texts, I got worried. His mom said he left, he was out. She didn't say how long, or where he was, which made me frustrated because his mom and my mom were really close. Come to think of it, my mom had been acting suspicious all year. I didn't think too much of it though because I've been thinking of Michael this whole time.

I hate him, I hate him for leaving me this way. I'm vulnerable and sad now. I'm a complete mess when he left and didn't come back. Yet he'll never know because he's not here. I've changed since he last saw me. My grades are horrible, I've been smoking and drinking. And I sure as hell don't give a damn about anyone or anything anymore. I hate myself. Jess has been trying to help me, tell me that he'll come back but I sure as hell don't believe her.

He's selfish and an asshole. And I never want to see him ever again. He left me, he left me with something that I thought could've lasted a long time. He left me with hope. Hope of us. I thought he felt the same way as I did for him but I guess not. He crushed me. I'll never be the same way again. Now I'm going to be this new Sam, the sad, lonely, broken one.

But this time no one will be there to rescue me.