Not yet drowning

Years of beginning broken

2013 after Ryan had asked for his hall pass, permission to cheat on Vanessa. He got his new Iphone and uploaded the app Plenty of Flesh. Vanessa had some rules, one was a younger girl, no one around there age at all. That it was only sex and nothing more. He agreed to that but he was only acting and saying what she wanted to hear.

It only took a few days and Ryan was on his phone more than usual when he was home from work, even while he was at work he hardly would message Vanessa. The weekend after he met with Jennifer and it apparently didn't work in his favour, he told Vanessa he was texting a single mom with 4 kids she was their age. She said that wasn't the deal.  He told her that he needs to care for who he sleeps with, that he can't just have a one night stand. That was the beginning of the end for their marriage for sure. For the next 2 months Ryan was online texting Lexi day and night. Vanessa retreated into her bubble, took care of the kids, worked, worked at the barn with the horses. Her one friend Natalie was the only one who knew completely what was going on with Vanessa's marriage. Natalie got her to join the gym with her and another friend, that became Vanessa's new way of coping. She would go to the gym early in the mornings and again every night with her friends. She was losing weight but she didn't care what Ryan was up to she was becoming stronger, and motivated her.

Vanessa was getting fed up with Ryan when they did spend anytime together he would ignore her like she wasn't even alive. He would be texting Lexi in front of Vanessa non stop. Eventually one day on a weekend Vanessa snapped at him never talking to her, and took of her wedding rings and told him just go meet up with Lexi and get it over. Ryan starred at her, in disbelief. He looked at her and said ok, I'll see when I can meet her finally. Vanessa heart cracked in half, she went completely numb from it all. The kids where off on a camping trip with Ryan's parents. She went to the barn grabbed a horse put him on the cross ties getting him brushed to go ride in the fields. Her horse could see her hurting he put his head on her shoulder in away to hug Vanessa she stood there crying into her horses body for 15 mins. She took him to the fields and rode for hours. She went back to the barn took care of the horses. Cleaned up the barn, she went home eventually, she called Natalie and went to the gym. Ryan asked where she was and where she was going. She looked at him saying what the fuck do care slamming the front door. She got in the car and went to work out with her friends. Than had a girls night out with a bunch of friends Ryan was texting her wondering where she was and doing. She just texting him back out with friends who care about me unlike my joke of a husband.

While Vanessa was at the gym, she told Natalie and Stephanie, what happened, that it was also the reason she took off her wedding rings the first time ever. That she refuse to put them back on unless she and Ryan worked things out. She looked and told Natalie everything the emotional abuse, she even said she'd would leave and divorce him. However she feared his family and the kids being upset. She would suffered anything for her kids happiness. Something she lives by still today. Natalie gave her the advice stating she should give Ryan a timeline with his hall pass, and if he didn't care be done him. The thought scared Vanessa but she agreed she give him to July 28th. She went home, walked inside grabbed a show and went into her daughter's turned the apple tv and watched a movie. Ryan came in the room to talk, he told her first weekend in July he be going to spend it with Lexi. Vanessa said fine she didn't care anymore said you have till the end of July to figure out with you want to be married still or not and asked him to leave the room.

The next week she went to work, took care of the kids, took care of horses. Went to the gym she hardly spoke to Ryan knowing what was coming on Saturday. Saturday morning came Vanessa got up extra put of the horses out, and went to the gym for a 6am class. When she got home she changed and took the kids to karate, when they got back they went camping for the weekend with their grandparents. Ryan left about 30 minutes later he told Vanessa don't go to Oakville for shopping or anything for the weekend. She grew up there her whole life, she still had friends there, she contacted them about going out to dinner that night. She told Ryan she had plans to go see her friends for dinner down in Oakville. He was mad they got into a fight and he left.