Not yet drowning

The year everything change 2006

It was in July 2006, when a huge nightmare happen again. This time the nightmare effected Vanessa, Ryan all their friends and racing family. Even their oldest kid Dusty was effected by this nightmare. It July 15th and Sammy had been racing and travelling with them to races in the states. He was getting a lot better he became part of the Canada team. Sammy was offered the chance to build a race course. He was being pushed to get the course done by Sunday so everyone could come by after the local race close by and try the track.

Ryan and Vanessa where at home they decided to go ride their bikes the kids at their grandparents. When they loaded up the bikes in the truck, all of the sudden the phone rang. One of adults helping with building the race course Sammy who was 20 years old by now. Scott asked for Ryan on the phone, Vanessa handed the phone he said hello, instantly Ryan went ghost white. He hung up the phone, knowing Vanessa loved Sammy like the brother she always wanted. He said the words with tears in his eyes Sammy died this morning in a accident building the race course. Vanessa and Ryan fell to the ground in tears they where in shock. A few hours later they got in the truck, and headed to the track Sammy was building. They got out of the truck and walked to the turn where Sammy's accident happened. He had lost control of the roller to pack the jumps in and tipped it. He was crushed by the roller roof. Ryan and Vanessa had always had creepy feelings about the rollers they used to build the tracks. They would always watch each other with Sammy or Ryan their worst nightmare was something happening to anyone with the roller.  It was 2 weeks before his 21st birthday too. They saw a few red Dragonflies flying around in the sky. Sammy's close friends where there, his younger brother was there. His sister and her husband was there, she sister was pregnant with her second daughter at the time.

The next few days where a blur. Next thing they knew it was the funeral, they where at the funeral home in the city Ryan and Sammy both grew up in. The family was there Sammy's mom was there, Vanessa will say she still talks to his mom. That she's worlds nicest caring and loving woman in the world. Being a mom Vanessa heart broke for Sammy's mom. Vanessa still today says no parent should ever go through that pain of losing their child. He son Dusty who was about to turn 5 just three days after Sammy's birthday was heartbroken, he looked up to Sammy. Even today know at  20 Dusty misses Sammy just as much and get a memorial tattoo for him he's always wanted. The funeral was long, everyone headed to the cemetary with everyone for the burial. There was 300 people there, some had grown up with Sammy playing baseball, some from school and some from racing, his family was big as well. Ryan and Vanessa stay at Sammy's grave for a long time with his mom. They eventually left and everyone went to Sammy's for the rest of the day. They eventually went home but things where hard and off, Ryan Vanessa went back to sleeping in separate rooms he locked her out of the bedroom. It just made more distance.

After that day, things went from bad to worse for Ryan and Vanessa. Vanessa's  mom had major health problem happening she was coming and going to the emergency room for years. Craig was living in her moms house in his 30s and took over hole house locking her mom in the basement for health reasons he said. By November 2006 Vanessa's mom was found in bed non responsive in her bed. Craig called Vanessa told her that he put their mom in abumlance and that Vanessa need to get to the hospital to deal with the doctors. Craig never went to the hospital and dealt with doctors. So for the next 2 weeks it was left to Vanessa she get up ready for work get the kids school things ready take them to school. She than go to work than get the kids drop them to her friends and head to the hospital to see her mom and get updates on her health. She went into the hospital and was in the ICU on machines she stay that way for 2 weeks she never woke up. Than Ryan's aunt who was like a second mom to him died of a heart attack in January 2007. Ryan rode his bike less and less. He worked with one of their friends through Sammy started working with him. He got Ryan addicted to the frozen cappuccino. It was so bad for him he drink 3 - 4 large ones a day. He became moody and angry at the world, at everything including Vanessa. Ryan started complaining that Sammy's family other close friends didn't contact or hang out with Ryan like they should have, but Vanessa would tell Ryan your not contacting him either. She recounts a time the kids where sleeping he wanted sex and she wasn't feeling good at all. He got mad yelling throwing a 10 lbs free weight plate across the their bedroom in the apartment and hitting her dresser. She as usual would calm him down and they talk, she say I hear what your saying. She didn't understand where he was coming from every time they'd fight. She didn't walk away she wanted to solve the issue, but deep inside she was begging to hear him say those same words more than anything to her "I hear you." She says that was never the case it was always about what Ryan wanted and felt. This night was no exception, so she gave him what he wanted, there was no romance to it whatsoever, no affection no kissing nothing. Sex with her husband as much as she loved it became like a chore, no love and affection from him ever. Hand holding, hugs from behind, being kissed was something she loves and craves still, she gave up trying and begging him to listen to her about this, she was slowly losing herself more and more everyday. Yet she made excuses and refuse to quit on her marriage or her family.