𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐄 ! lee felix.

019.

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CHAPTER NINETEEN
❝ the truth ❞

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loud sobs and sniffs were the only thing that was heard in the room. his body trembled as sobs erupted from mouth. he shook his head, looking down at his hands.

"i—i didn't mean to..." his sentence came out as a whisper, tears proceeding to pour out from his eyes.

minho was the first to move, standing up and sitting next to the boy. he hesitantly placed his hand on the younger's back, rubbing circles as to comfort the crying lad.

"lix, it wasn't intentional. i may not know what happened but i know it was an accident." chan said, patting the brown haired boy's knee as a gesture of comfort.

"please, don't touch me." he pleaded, desperation written on his face.

the two oldest teen immediately took their hands off of the younger, assuming he wasn't comfortable with skin ship.

"let's not.... push him any furth—"

"no. i want to come clean with you, guys. it's been long enough and you all deserve to know the truth." felix cut hyunjin off, wiping his wet cheeks and calming himself down.

"go ahead, lix. we promise not to judge or anything. we're all here to listen. and i'm sorry." jisung mumbled to the boy.

"it's fine.... you're right, after all."

their freckled friend sighed, lowering his eyes on the ground — as if the floor was one of the most interesting things in the world, at that moment. he hastily tapped his feet, an annoying pattering sound breaking the quiet.

"the truth is... my mother never died sacrificing her life for the academy. the staff had to... create a better reason for her death to avoid any rumors." the lad said, his voice in a hushed tone.

he stared at his hands and curled them up in a fist. he tightened his grip, his knuckles turning white while his nails dug on the palm of his clammy hands. the lad stretched his fingers back out only to see his now clammy hands had crescent marks with blood seeping out of the fresh wound.

"we were so happy that day.... september 15, 2005, to be exact. my fifth birthday."

felix chuckled. though, a dry and cold one, a chuckle in which not even a scintilla of joy was found. the lad couldn't believe he was about to reminisce on his past mistake, reminding him how much of a flaw he was in this world and that he didn't deserve to live — nor even die — because of how flagitious he was.

he was revolted in himself. and as depressing as it sounds, every time he would wake up, he'd be disappointed he didn't wake up in the gates of hell and burn for an eternity to make up for his malicious sins.

"it was exactly 10:30pm on a wednesday. i clearly remember you guys just left our household after a small party. my dad was cleaning the dining area and my mom was with me in the living room, helping me open my gifts."

"my gift from my mom was a locket of a picture of both my parents. of course, at that age, i didn't really like it."

"i mean, what was a five year old going to do with a boring necklace that was too big to fit him. but i didn't know that it was going to be my most treasured possession after that day." the last sentence came out as a whisper, his voice slightly shaky once again.

"i was so excited that i jumped onto her and indulged her in an embrace. i f—felt her body go l—limp like a lifeless r—rag doll. i can s—still feel h—her body f—falter in my a—arms." he glared at his hands, tears continuing to pour down to his freckled cheeks.