✔️ Body and Mind 2

Off to Japan

Anya and Yuzuru didn't see each other much during the days leading up to their trip to Japan.
They were both just very occupied with their busy schedules, barely finding out time for each other even in the evenings.
Anya was doing her best to finish studying anytime Yuzuru would come over and Yuzuru was doing his best to visit her as little as possible to give her space to focus.
Usually, both of them just falling to bed completely drained after each day.

Anya was still secretly getting up at night to work more on the CERN project and was getting more and more frustrated.
No matter what mathematical task she was ever exposed to, she always managed to solve it in the end. The more challenging the task was, the more she was enjoying it. And the greater the feeling of satisfaction was once conquered.
But this one just seemed impossible and it was frustrating her more and more. Especially knowing that she is racing with multiple other Mathematicians, knowing that any day she might just get a text message, letting her know she has lost. That she was either too slow or not good enough.

The task was on her mind even during the day when she tried to still somehow keep on top of her Uni work. Sometimes even catching herself thinking about various theories as she listened to Yuzuru and his day, feeling incredibly guilty and disappointed with herself.

But she just couldn't escape it. The physicist's theory seemed to her like a little worm that burrowed its way under her skin and into her brain. Not willing to leave until she solves it and not letting her sleep until she would be sure she has tried everything.

What wasn't adding to it was the constant stress she felt from the upcoming lecture she was supposed to give to the students once back from Japan.
She was sure that Yuzuru must know it by heart by now and she was utterly grateful to him for how supportive he was, listening to her lecture at least once a week, over and over again.

___________________

Anya crumpled up yet another sheet of paper and tossed it on the other side of the room and went back to bed. She lied down next to Yuzuru, watching him sleep, wondering what is he dreaming with that slight frown over his forehead.

-Yuzu.....?
-......Yuzu?

-Hmmf?

-I love you.

He instinctively pulled her closer without opening his eyes and the frown was gone, replaced by a relaxed smile. Anya smiled as well and fell asleep.

__________________

As they were exiting the plane, Yuzuru beamed Anya one last smile across the aisle, knowing he will see her only a few hours later once at the hotel, after his meetings.
She returned him the smile and reached for her little carry-on luggage, waiting then for them to leave and to pretend she is just another tourist, getting lost within the crowd.

The moment she got into the hotel room, Anya started to work on her Uni assignments. She knew she was behind on everything but was trying to minimize the gap and therefore have a little bit more free time after CiONTU, when they would go to his home and she would finally meet the rest of his family. She was especially looking forward to meeting his sister he talked so much about.

_________________

When Yuzuru got finally back, his bags already in the room, he wasn't surprised to find Anya crouching on the floor, staring into yet another large sheet of paper, covered with various graphs and numbers.

-Anya, as much as I want you to solve it....you need to take a break here and there.

She didn't lift her head when answering him and kept frowning at her calculations.

-Like you do when you train for competitions?

-That is different. I do it short-term, just for the months leading up to it. You are in this power mode for way too long. Do you maybe wanna go for a walk?

-No.

-Well....did you have dinner already?

-Yes.

Anya lied and kept staring at the graph, frowning. Yuzuru just sighed with exhaustion and kneeled down next to her.

-We should go to bed then.

-I am not tired.

-We need to fight the jet lag.

-I will be fine, Yuzu.

-You will sleep at the Ice Show. It's just in two days.

-I know when it is and I will be fine. I won't fall asleep there, I promise.

-I am just getting worried about you, that's all.

Anya sighed and finally lifted her head, looking into Yuzuru's sad, dark eyes.
She gave him a smile and ruffled his hair.

-I am sorry, Yuzu. You are right, let's go to bed.

They watched a movie on his laptop, yet Anya was just mindlessly staring at the moving images, still thinking about what is she missing that she can't figure the theory out.
She was able to ignore that insistent feeling during most of the days, but as soon as it was getting darker and she knew she is losing yet another day, she just couldn't keep her mind off it.
So as soon as she saw that Yuzuru fell asleep, she removed the laptop and quietly got up, going back to her spot on the floor.

_________________

And it was the same for the next day as well as for the days of CiONTU.
She was filled with pride and happiness as she watched him skate and hearing all the praise other skaters were giving him. Watching him fluster with his head down as Plushenko was telling him he is the skater he admires the most.
Anya was genuinely happy in those moments, glad that she indeed flew over to see it, yet as soon as each show was finished she rushed back to the hotel room. Suddenly feeling as the lights above the rink turned off, that there is nothing holding her back anymore from continuing.
And considering that Yuzuru's PR team advised her to do exactly that, to leave as soon as the show would be over to disappear within the biggest crowd, her guilt was minimal.
She just saw Yuzuru being happy and rushed each night to the hotel to do what made her happy.

However, she always made sure to quickly leave it be as soon as he would be coming back and giving him all of her attention, smiling from seeing how pleased he was that the show is doing well.

The only time she didn't stop, was on the last night of the Show when she knew Yuzuru would be coming back to the hotel late at night after celebrating with his co-stars.

And she regretted it for years to come.