✔️ Body and Mind 2

Holiday V

Yuzuru woke up as usual at 3 am, but even though Anya was lying next to him, he couldn't fall asleep.
He sat up and stared into the dark corner of the room where all the boxes with her journals were. He had to use all the willpower he had not to start crying seeing that sight.

Yuzuru was wondering how much of her zero need to share anything with anyone is her actual personality trait and how much of it she just developed by finding out that whatever she would say or want would not be taken into account.

How many times did she come home from one of the many courses, saying she doesn't want to go back? And even though her parents would not force her to go there again, they would still sign her up for a new one. And a new one after that. Again and again.

How many times that needed to happen for her to just give up on saying anything?
Rather ending up doing what was actually fulfilling her as a person all alone, writing all those theories into her notepads, but never sharing them with anyone. Why would she, if nobody cared what she thought?
How long did it take that even Alan and Mary couldn't keep up with her knowledge and she was just left alone with all those unanswered questions she had?
Yuzuru even doubted they would have had internet reception in a place like this at the time when she was growing up. Making her dependent just on her books and TV documentaries.

How many times did she have to see that her thoughts are not important enough to be shared until she actually started to believe it?

Was the short fight she had with her mum the only time when she finally felt like she could follow all of the ambitions she was hiding? But then quickly suffocating it shortly after, feeling guilty over what was said? And again going back to ignoring everything just to make her parents happy and not to leave them alone by following her dream.
Her constant need to make everyone she cared about happy....

As much as he loved her for her selflessness this was just too much.

Suddenly her phone rang and Yuzuru quickly reached for it to mute it and not wake her up, but it was too late. Anya was already up and looking for the source of that sound, checking the caller ID.

-It's Gary.....

-Your boss?

-Yeah.

-Pick it up! Maybe he has some special task for you!

-I doubt it.

Anya got up and picked up the phone. She was attentively listening and as the monologue of her boss was progressing she started to frown more and more, in the end leaving the room, still on the phone.

Yuzuru crossed his fingers, hoping that she would come back with some special task, to finally work on something of importance and show to the world what's in her.

_________________

Anya sat on the front porch, watching her hands shaking and rather putting the phone down not to drop it.

-So this is it. I just can't do it all.

She whispered into the dark night. She closed her eyes and could see Yuzuru's eager expression of hope that she would get some important project to work on. And she did. She actually finally did. But she also felt that there is no more power left in her body.
Anya couldn't recall the last time she properly slept. Maybe on the plane over here? And before that....weeks and weeks of working on her school work late at night when Yuzuru was asleep or worse, when he wasn't there, as those times she was up even longer, knowing there is nobody to stop her. As much as she knew that her mind can handle it, her body was giving up on her.
And now she got a task she knew would take most of her time even if she wouldn't have any university assignments.
Anya was wondering how many times she reworked her schedule to fit everything in there, but she would need each day to have twice as many hours to actually take on a new project like this.
She finally started to realize that it's just too much and is on a verge of collapse.
Just the thought of adding even the tiniest thing to her schedule was making her nauseous.

Anya was wondering if this is how a burn-out looks like when Yuzuru came over, eager anticipation still in his eyes. Anya quickly produced a happy smile.

-So what was the call about? Is it something important?

-Yeah.

-Something big?

-Yeah.

-Tell me!

-One of the physicists came up with something....and if it would prove to be right, confirmed by the math....it would be big....like really big.

-Like a Fields Medal big?

Anya laughed, hearing how Yuzuru is still so fixated on that medal.

-Possibly. I don't know. Maybe not that big. It's hard to tell.

-And they want you to work on it?

-The physicist doesn't want to publish it until the math is confirmed. So right now he offered it to every Mathematician at CERN. But he is obviously eager to publish as soon as possible, so if none of us solves it within the next few months, he will offer it to every Mathematician out there. At that point, the hunting season will start. So right now only the ones who work at CERN will work on it. Day and night, probably. To be the first and get the credit.

-And they offered it to you as well?! That is great!!!

-It is.

-Why are you not happier about it?! It's amazing!

-Because it's a lot.

-But in Korea, you solved the task so quickly, you can handle this one too! I believe it!

-In Korea it was just a tiny little theory, this is way bigger. I don't even think my Math is at that level.

-Stop underestimating yourself, Anya!

Yuzuru grabbed her hand and dragged her back into the room, sitting her on the bed. He then started to leaf through the old journals until he found one that was half-empty and handed it to her with a pen.

Anya laughed again, seeing how simple it all looks in Yuzuru's mind. That she will just start writing down numbers and a moment later every mathematical problem in the world would be solved.

-Yuzu, this is not how it works. I anyway would need to read the theory properly, even that would take me a full day. And we are on holiday. We should just have fun and relax.

-But this is important! I don't mind it's our holiday, Anya. This is important for you, I won't hold you back!

-Yuzu....

-Please!! Just for once do what YOU want to do!

-Yuzu---

-Do you want to work on it?

-Well of course, but---

-I don't want to hear any more about it. Where is your laptop?

Yuzuru started to look around until his eyes fell on her laptop and he quickly brought it back.
Anya opened it and immediately all the assignments that she had opened in the tabs popped up at her. Her head started to spin but she took a deep breath and went to her emails, opening the attachment right in the first one that she received just a few minutes ago.
Pages and pages of research that the physicist must have been working on for years.
Her hands began to shake again, but she just held the laptop a little bit tighter to make it stop.

-Would you prefer to be alone? I can leave.

-Yeah, I need to be alone. But you stay here, Yuzu. I will go into one of the free rooms.

Anya got up with her laptop and was on her way, letting Yuzuru know that he should get some sleep.

She got into one of the free rooms and was switching between looking at the bed and her laptop. In the end, her curiosity won and she started to read through the theory, her eyes sparkling with newfound energy the more she read.