Pandora Unleashed ✔️

Friends

He could feel his entire body tensing.
The memory of seeing you break down in front of him, struggling to breathe, made him realize - despite his innate need to care for you - that he did hurt you. Whether it was intentional or not.

       "How do you feel about that?"

       "I guess," he paused as he sank deeper into the leather couch, contemplating the week that had passed, "Empty."

       "Empty?"

       He eyed his therapist who had a puzzled look on his face, "Well, yeah. I, um...that's what I feel." He said with a shrug.

       Doctor Jung flipped some pages on his notepad and wrote it down, "What does empty mean? Do you feel like the two challenges I gave you were too hard or perhaps, do you feel like the outcome wasn't something you expected?"

       "Don't get me wrong, Hoseok," he chuckled as he straightened in his seat, "It was good. Really good. It was hard at first to not think about it--"

       "Your ex? The talk?"

       He nodded, "Yeah, it was kind of pathetic. I kept thinking and obsessing. I felt like we hadn't really broken up before. But after that night and seeing her like that, I think I realized as I told you last session, the g-good didn't outweigh the bad."

       "Do you believe that?"

       "My heart doesn't but my mind knows it." He glanced away from his therapist, his leg shaking violently as the memory of you struggling to breathe surfaced once more.

It wasn't the first time he caused a panic attack. Last he had done so, you had slapped him when he pushed your buttons. It was deserved. He hated himself for allowing you to witness his manic moments. Self-sabotaging and fucking reckless. It was surprising you never left sooner.

Dealing with the aftermath of Namjoon and reverting back to the girl you were when he first abused you couldn't have been easy. He didn't do shit to help your process. He destroyed it.

No wonder you eventually did leave.

You shouldn't have been around him when those days took over. He couldn't blame you. He, himself, shouldn't have been around anyone. You didn't owe him an apology. You had every right to tap out; for your health and your sanity.

       "And sleeping with each other couldn't help neutralize your emotions? Reset them as you so eloquently expressed during our last session."

       "No." But he hoped.

Even sex couldn't salvage how broken you were. It had in the past. It could numb you long enough to forget the hurt, talk the pain away, and come together somehow.
But that was no longer the case. As heavenly as it felt to drown with you, prolong the inevitable storm, you couldn't. The process you were making individually with Doctor Jung was counterproductive.
Your hearts desired one thing for yourselves but your need as a couple was something entirely different and those, unfortunately, clashed.

       "Well, if you know the good doesn't outweigh the bad. Why do you feel empty then?"

He thought long about the question, digging deep as Doctor Jung often encouraged. And the only thing he could think of was how you were no longer his.

He had to realize it one day.

You weren't good for each other, hadn't been since day one but something kept it going. Whether it was true love or not, he didn't know and he even toyed with the idea that you were his soulmate too, but a part of him kept returning to what he said in the heat of the moment.