Sephiroth Love Story aka SLS

Diary Entry

-A diary entry written by Lilly-

Dear Diary,

Things are back to normal now. At least, as normal as things can get. Some days I'm fine and just like the old me, others I just want to be left alone to my own misery. I blame it on adolescent mood swings. Then there are the days where Life seems to hate me and wants to rub Sephiroth's absence in my face. Like Valentine's Day. It's extremely awkward. I do have a boyfriend, it's just that he isn't physically here with me. But at the same time I have no way to contact him apart from emails and letters, but he doesn't even answer these much because he's too busy with school and everything.

While I'm standing there alone awkwardly, the rest of my friends are either fussing over what to get for their Valentines, or they're single. I secretly set Cloud, Tifa, Zack and Aerith up on a double date at this restaurant in town on the night of Valentine's Day. Of course, the expenses were shared by Angeal, Genesis, Cissnei and some of the other Turks. Otherwise I'd be bankrupt by now. Angeal handled the booking, Genesis gathered funds(mostly from his fans), Cissnei and I wrote anonymous letters to each of the four, asking them to come to this restaurant for a surprise.

Frankly speaking, I'm kind of astonished that they didn't know it was us who organized the whole thing. At the end of the dinner date, Angeal, Genesis, the Turks and I revealed ourselves as the masterminds behind the double date. The look on their faces was priceless, I tell you. Planning this and organizing the whole thing actually helped take my mind off Sephiroth's absence, which is good. The only problem was that once I got home, I don't know what happened exactly, I just recall a heavy, crushing burden on my chest that wasn't there before.

Mum was home this time, and I'm sure she knew what was going on the moment I stepped in the house. The feelings were so thick, so intense, I thought they'd paralyze me forever and leave me trapped in that spot against the wall for all eternity. I remembered my vow to make the best out of our time apart, but even that seemed so dim and far away then, like some half-forgotten memory. My lungs were frozen, and it took several hard shakes from my mom to get them working again.

My mouth was clamped shut, since I was sure that if I opened it, all the emotions that I felt would pour out and I wouldn't be able to stop. I didn't want to even start. Mutely, Mum guided me to my room, where I sat on the bed, staring blank-faced at the wall, for a few minutes. Then the tides turned, washing away my sorrow, leaving a hard core of frustration and pent-up fury embedded in my heart. Still with my mouth shut it, I stood up, walked over to the bed and proceeded to launch a vicious attack on the fluffy pillows and stuffed toys sitting on my bed.

I know I must've looked like a mad person, punching, throwing, screaming bloody murder at innocent pillows and plushies. It didn't deter me from what I was doing. Not getting any response from my 'enemies' only infuriated me even more. I needed someone to take it out on, someone to help me regain control. Usually Sephiroth would be this person, just standing by, listening patiently, never once saying a word throughout the whole process. I wanted him back, even if he was yelling at me, I still wanted him back. But I was sick of wanting, sick of yearning for something that I couldn't have just yet. I knew that my heart was a fool for even thinking about him.

But still, it happened. Yet still, despite what logic told my brain, my heart just wouldn't accept it. It was an internal war, mind versus heart, and I was caught in the crossfire, with nowhere to go.

I never told anyone else about these bad days I had. I doubted I even had the guts to say a word about them anyway. I remember hating myself, and wishing for everything to be a dream. I took up reading fantasy books, whether series or novels or trilogies, I would read them. Maybe it was because these books provided the escape from reality that I so desperately craved.

I'm lucky I had friends like Aerith and Tifa, who stood by me, and even the boys, who tried to cheer me up by using humor. I haven't told them how much I cherish them, but then again, there's likely no need to tell them. I'm sure they know. It's one of those unspoken bonds of friendship. It's just there.

Mum's calling me for dinner now. She claims I need to keep eating no matter whether I feel like it or not. No point arguing with her, so I've got to go for now. Thanks for listening, diary.

Lilly Adams

Okay,I swear my name is just way too boring and common-sounding to boot!