Always with You

Chapter 8

Matt

They say that the pain is more bearable as the days pass by.

They lied.

I still haven't talked to Rachel. I mean yes we've said our good mornings and our goodbyes and I haven't stopped caring for her and she hasn't for me but we haven't talked about what feels like more than an elephant in the room.

I enter our room for the third night in a row my eyes finding the clock 2:33 am. I've been outside every night for more than 2 hours. My eyes move towards the bed. Empty. I scan the room and the bathroom. No sign of her.

I'm running down the stairs after my third missed call from her. This was not the time to play hide and seek.

"Well the weather has been in a bad mood lately don't you think?" she said.

I pause as I look as my feet hit the bare floor my eyes scanning darkroom straining to find her. I gave up after a few seconds and decided to rely on my hearing.

"It's almost like it's reading our minds, " I said still looking around to see if I could find her. The pros and cons of marrying a short person. This situation was definitely a con.

"Maybe you're right....maybe you're wrong. I don't know it's kind of peaceful, "

I start walking towards the other end of the room away from the window.

"It is peaceful. What are you doing up?" I said pausing again unsure of where she is.

"I rolled over to a cold spot and couldn't sleep since,"

Found her.

"Why are you sitting all the way over here?"

"Why do you keep leaving at odd hours of the night?"

"I needed to clear my head, "

"Why go outside when I was right beside you?"

"I needed to clear my head not fill it, "

Silence.

I sighed "I didn't mean it like that, "

"I know you didn't yet it came out anyway, "

"Rachel"

"Matthew"

"Love"

"Honey"

I sighed again "sweetheart"

"Sugar"

More silence

"No, continue I like this game we're playing, " she said her voice sounding a bit hurt.

Having had enough and knowing where I was I reached over and turned on the lamp.

"I didn't mean it like that, " I said with more confidence except her body language was anything but confident.

My hands found its way to her face tilting her head up so she could see me. " I didn't mean it like that, "

"I know, " she said placing her forehead on mine.

We stayed like that for a few minutes. Soaking up everything going on around us.

"Matt,"

"Don't,"

"We have to face this,"

"We'll face it when the time comes, "

"Now is the time, "

"Then give me a few more minutes, "

"Matthew, "

"No"

"Matthew please, " she begged pulling my face back to hers.

"This isn't fair, " I said my voice cracking. Talk about being a man

" Life isn't fair, " she said pecking me on the lips.

Normally I'd joke around and do something dumb. But it wasn't the time for that. Would there ever be a time for that anymore?

"There's a possibility that I might not make it during this pregnancy, "

"You will. You have to. I'll get you the best doctors. Well fly them in and we'll --"

"Money can't buy everything, "

"Dang it Rachel are you giving up already? Are you quitting on us? On me? Your parents? Jesus we've barely had any time. We just walked down the aisle. Till death---till death do us, "

" Till death do us part, " she said smiling the tears running down. "You forgot the part, "

"Why are you doing this?" I asked finally breaking.

"I'm not trying to leave you. It hurts like crazy at the thought of leaving you guys here.....literally, " she said shifting and laughing.

I didn't. "That's not funny. If you're in pain we need to go to the hospital, "

"I've been in pain a few weeks ago and by the looks of it I'm going to go through this pregnancy in pain, "

"This isn't fair. We've done nothing wrong this isn't fair, " I said full-on sobbing. Call me weak I don't care.

"If I die--"

"STOP. Stop. Stop. Stop. The Bible said life and death is in the power of the tongue, "

She was silent for a bit before her thumbs tenderly ran along my jaw. "The Bible also says the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, "

My eyes shot up to hers in horror.

Before I could speak again she placed her fingers on my lips.

"I don't want to leave. I'm scared. I'm so scared that I might not make it. I want to think the best of the situation but we can't not think about the worst that will happen. But what I do know is that there is no reason to be angry with God. He's been good and He remains good. I've had my family. Going three years with you. God has been good despite all that's happening and we being his children we need to be faithful, "

"I know, " I said sniffing. "I'm scared, "  I said pulling her closer.

She started laughing. Of all things, she started laughing. "I'm scared too...to death, "

--------------------------------------------------------------I'm just realizing what time it is 😳. I wrote this chapter yesterday and was not happy with it but I did promise to update daily or try to so here you go. This might just be the sloppiest chapter I've ever written and I'm sorry for the grammatical errors