Diary of a Jersey Misfit (Frerard)

Eleven- Mistakes Were Made and Now Frank Regrets It

TW for eating disorders

I don't personally have an eating disorder, so I'm not entirely sure how accurate this will be, but I did do a bit of research, so hopefully it's not too out there

Frank felt awful when he woke up. His muscles felt weak, and he could barely hold himself up.

Oh no.

No. No no no.

No, he was not going to let this happen again. How could he have been so stupid?

The video of him playing with Sweet Pea on his phone didn't always end like that.

That whole day, his limbs had been feeling shaky. The scale couldn't get the right weight that morning because he kept falling over. And after Sweet Pea was done playing with her toys, Frank had collapsed.

His mom had taken him to the hospital, where the doctors had gotten his eating habits from him over the past few months and told him that he had anorexia. His mom had cried, and Frank had vowed never to let this happen again.

But here it was.

"Ray," he croaked weakly. Ray groaned, still asleep. A tear slipped down his cheek. "Ray, please."

"Fuck off," Ray mumbled.

Frank sobbed. He couldn't move. This was worse than last time. All because he wanted to lose weight for a boy who probably didn't even like him.

"Ray, I need help," he said, not even able to lift his hand to wipe away the tears he felt so weak. "Please, I don't want to die."

"You're not gonna die," Ray mumbled.

Frank sobbed quietly into his pillow. He was going to die. He was going to waste away on his bed, his stomach twisting itself in knots.

"Frank." Ray rolled over to face him. "What's the matter? Why are you crying so hard?"

"I can't move," Frank sobbed. "I-I have- I have an eating disorder but I didn't realize it until I couldn't move, Ray, please, I need help!"

"Shit, what?" Ray sat up. "Stay right there, I'm gonna get a nurse."

"No, don't leave," Frank begged.

"I'll get Ryan," Ray promised. "Just stay there, okay?"

Frank was able to shift his head a little to nod.

Ray slipped on some sweatpants and a jacket before running out the door. A minute later, Ryan came into the room. "Frank! Are you okay?"

Frank shook his head. "No."

"Tell me what's wrong." Ryan sat on the floor in front of Frank. "Do you wanna sit up?"

"I can't." Frank squeezed his eyes shut and felt tears slip out. "I don't eat enough and now my body is fucking eating itself and I'm too weak to even fucking move, I don't wanna die!"

"Shit, Frank." Ryan wrapped his arms around Frank. "This has happened before, hasn't it."

"Yes," Frank admitted.

A nurse rushed into the room a few minutes later followed closely by Ray. She sat Frank up in bed. "When's the last time you ate?"

"Four days ago."

"Your body is breaking down proteins, you need to eat something quickly." She opened a bottle of what looked like a smoothie and put a straw in it. "Drink this."

Frank drank it quickly, trying to find an appropriate time to stop so he could breathe. His stomach felt so empty.

"I'm gonna leave two more of these here," she said. "Drink them all, and when you're feeling well enough, have someone bring you to the nurse's office. We'll get you real food there and have a talk."