Diary of a Jersey Misfit (Frerard)

Four- Math Themed Panic Attack

TW for anxiety attacks

As planned, Frank didn't take out his lip ring for class. Ray sighed at this fact as he tied his tie. "You really have no fear of consequences, huh?"

"Nope!" Frank smiled.

"Dude. If I did this, I'd get in so much trouble."

"It's just breaking a dress code rule."

"Yeah, but I'd be an embarrassment to the family," Ray mimicked, tilting his head. "Alright, there you go. Let's go to breakfast. Hey, do you wanna sit with me? I only sit with Gerard and his dorm mate, so you could bring your girlfriend too."

"Her name is Clo, and she isn't my girlfriend. But, uh, it seems kinda crowded at your table. And didn't you tell me to stay away from Gerard?"

"A little, but I'm sure we could fit you guys. And I figured it's okay if you eat breakfast together."

"Okay...you guys could come sit with us. There's plenty of space where we sit."

"Sure! I'll catch Gee and Ryan on their way down, so sorry if you lose me."

"No problem." Frank smiled.

They walked down to the cafeteria. Clo was in her usual spot, so Frank walked over. Ray went to get Gerard and Ryan.

"Hey," Clo said. "You look good in uniform."

"Thanks. You look cute. Uh, my roommate and his friends are gonna come sit with us today, is that okay?"

"Yeah! That sounds cool. Is that them coming over now?"

Frank looked over and saw Ray approaching with Gerard and a boy with brown hair trailing behind them. "Yeah."

"Cool." Clo scooted over so there was more room on the end of the bench. "Hi!"

"Hey!" Ray smiled. "I'm Ray, Frank's dorm mate, and this is Gerard and Ryan."

Ryan sat next to Clo. "Nice to meet you guys! Ray has told us about you, Frank."

Frank greeted him politely, but his eyes were all on Gerard, who smiled at him shyly.

"Gerard, are you French?" Clo asked.

"Um, no. Why?" He folded his hands in his lap, and Frank internally panicked because holy shit that's so cute.

"My grandfather has the same name."

Ray slung an arm around Gerard's shoulder, and Frank ducked out of the way so he didn't get hit. "You're a grandpa, how do you feel?"

"Old." Gerard smiled. His teeth were so small. He talked sideways, Frank noticed.

They all went up to get food, then settled down at the table again. Ryan, Clo and Ray ended up talking about the latest memes and what sides of TikTok they were on, which left Frank and Gerard.

"You're really good at violin," Frank said softly.

"Oh, fuck." Gerard covered his red face. "That girl, she's a tour guide every year and she has a huge crush on me. She just wants to show off the fact that she knows me."

Frank smiled. "I've been there. This girl once got my cigarettes confiscated- my whole fucking pack- and then tried to kiss me later."

"You smoke?"

"Not anymore. I stopped once my little cousin got diagnosed with asthma and I was the first choice for babysitting. I didn't wanna hurt her, and I just didn't go back."

Gerard took a small bite of toast. "Do you do any other drugs?"

"Sometimes I smoke weed, but it's really, really expensive. The guy I get it from charges me like fifty bucks for the equivalent of ten joints."

"That's not that much."

"Maybe for you," Frank said quietly. He looked down at his cereal.

Gerard didn't say anything else.

"Guys, we're gonna be late for class." Ryan patted the table. "Come on! Clo and Frank, what classes do you have first?"

Frank looked at his phone, which had his schedule on it. "Math."

"I'm going that way, I'll walk you," Ryan said.

"I have gym." Clo's face fell.

"Me too. You can walk with me." Gerard smiled at her.

They all split off in different directions. Ray followed Gerard and Clo to their building to go to science, and Ryan and Frank walked to the class building and made their way to the math hallway. It took Frank a minute to find which class he was in, but it was pretty simple once he figured out how it worked. He was the last one in the classroom, grabbing a seat just as a bell rang.

The teacher took attendance, then stood up in front of the class. "Welcome to maths, everyone. Can I get a show of hands as to who's new here?"

Frank raised his hand along with two other girls.

"You guys aren't gonna be on my list yet, so can I get your names? Blonde girl?"

"Carolyn Bird."

The teacher scribbled something on a sticky note. "Alright, next?"

"Niamh O'Leary," the redhead said. Her accent wasn't quite British, but Frank couldn't tell what it was. Maybe Scottish.

"Okay, and last?"

"Frank Iero," Frank said. He managed not to trip over his words.

"Great. I'll get you three added." The teacher stuck the sticky note to her folder. "Now, I'm Miss Allen. This is the Algebra one course, but we won't be doing any maths today. We're gonna be doing icebreakers and looking at resources."

Frank frowned. Icebreakers were probably his least favorite thing in the world.

"I'm gonna have everyone pair up, alright? Whoever you want."

Frank looked around. Everyone instantly ran to their friends or people they knew, which left Frank totally alone.

He was probably sitting out again.

"Everyone do a quick game of two truths and a lie, and then switch partners with someone." Miss Allen sat down at her desk. She looked up when Frank raised his hand. "Yes?"

"Can I go to the bathroom?" Frank asked quietly.

"Of course. You know where you're going?"

Frank nodded, lying through his teeth. He left the busy classroom and looked around the hall. There was a nondescript door, which he opened. It was just a closet, but he did find the bathroom a few feet down the hall.

He needed familiar comfort before an anxiety attack could fully settle in. He took out his phone and opened a video of Sweet Pea playing with her ball in the backyard. There he was in the distance, sickly thin and pale, but smiling brightly as he dumped all her balls on the ground. She ran around in circles, trying to decide which ball she wanted to play with.

The video ended there. Seconds after, something bad had happened to Frank, something he never wanted to relive. So he simply cut it out of the video.

He felt himself calming down and looked at more pictures of Sweet Pea. He also had a video of his neighbor's cat swatting the camera. He wasn't a huge cat person, but it was super cute, and he remembered when his neighbor invited him over to decorate the cat with goldfish (they had a competition on how many they could put on him without waking him up. Frank won).

He missed home.