Diary of a Jersey Misfit (Frerard)

Ten- When It Happens

TW for self starvation

Frank was practically vibrating. He was sitting across from Gerard, trying to hold back the question.

Eventually, he couldn't any longer. "Do you like me?"

Gerard looked up, mid speech about hypotenuses, and blinked. "Of course I like you. You're my friend."

"No, Gerard, you know what I mean. We..." Frank clenched his hand into a fist. "We almost kissed on Saturday."

"I-I thought that was just a spur of the moment kind of thing," Gerard said quietly.

"It wasn't," Frank said. "Not for me. I've liked you since, like, the moment I saw you. God, I think I might be in love with you, Gerard."

Gerard stared at him.

"I'm sorry." Frank stood up, shoving his things into his bag. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"Frank..."

He paused and looked up at Gerard. Gerard had stood up too, and before Frank knew it, he was being pinned to a bookshelf with Gerard's lips on his own.

It felt good to kiss Gerard. His lips were soft and silky, and his touches were feather light. He was moving his head in a way that Frank didn't know how to respond to- did he know how to respond to anything right now?- and his hands were ghosting along Frank's jaw.

Frank ran his tongue along Gerard's bottom lip. He pulled back for air before kissing Frank again, allowing him to lick into his mouth and explore. Frank ran his tongue over Gerard's own gently, trying to get a reaction out of him, before he licked at his little teeth and pulled away.

They were both panting softly, staring at each other.

"So, in love, huh?" Gerard asked, smiling softly.

"Gerard," an angry voice hissed.

They both recognized that voice.

"No, it's not- it's not what it looks like," Gerard tried to say, but Mikey cut him off.

"How many times have I, have Mom and Dad, told you to stay away from dirt like him! He doesn't deserve even a glance from you, and he should do well to remember that," Mikey spat. He grabbed Gerard's arm and dragged him out of the library.

Frank stood perfectly still, lips swollen and face flushed, thick tears rolling down his cheeks. He picked up his things and left the library.

It was considerably more quiet without Gerard. He didn't join them for anything anymore, not even trying to sneak into his and Ray's room. Everyone else noticed this too.

There wasn't even a glance from Gerard. Frank stared at him all through science class, much to the aggravation of his partner, and all through meals. If their eyes met, Gerard quickly looked away.

It was clear he wanted nothing to do with Frank.

It had to be something about him. It was his weight, he was sure of it. Gerard was disgusted by him, and so was Frank. He would work toward losing a few pounds, nothing too crazy. Just enough for Gerard to talk to him again.

That would be all.

xXx

Frank marked another day on his calendar. One more day until he could eat. He sat up and took a sip of water, saying good morning to Ray before sitting at his desk and working on homework.

"Frank?" Ray looked at him worriedly. "What's the calendar for?"

"It's a diet chart," Frank said. "Don't worry about it."

"Oh, okay." Ray still sounded worried.

Frank stayed in their room while Ray went down to breakfast. Food would tempt him, and he couldn't eat until tomorrow.

Instead, he worked on his math homework. He'd gotten a new tutor. She might have been even better than Gerard, to be completely honest. She was down to business, and Frank liked her enough.

When the bell rang, Frank walked downstairs. He was the only person on the floor, so he had to be quick to get downstairs and then up four floors for math.

He did get there, quite early, because he ran the whole way. Miss Allen was sorting things at her desk and called him aside.

"You've been doing really well on your maths," she said. "I'm really proud, Frank. Keep up the good work. I heard you're not working with Gerard anymore, but I assume Jenna is good as well?"

Frank nodded. "I think she's better, actually."

"Good! I'm glad you found someone who works for you."

"Thank you." Frank sat at his seat in the back of class.

Only seventeen more hours.

xXx

Frank hummed quietly as he worked with Jenna. She was typing something on her phone while he worked, but he wasn't too worried. She paid full attention to him when he needed help.

"Stuck?" she asked.

"A little," Frank admitted.

"What you wanna do is find y, then substitute the number in and solve for x like you would with a regular equation. Got that?"

"Yep!" Frank swung his feet.

A heart wrenching melody on strings started playing softly in the library. Frank looked up.

Jenna rolled her eyes. "I don't get why they allow him to play violin in the library. I get he's rich and all, but there's plenty of other places to do that."

Frank looked through the gaps in the bookshelves. It was Gerard playing, his fingers moving nimbly over the strings and watching sheet music. It sounded so beautiful, and so pained. Frank almost felt bad before he realized that Gerard was the one who wouldn't talk to him.

So he just looked back down at his work.

xXx

The next day, Frank finally went down to breakfast. He had one slice of toast with butter.

Clo watched him while he ate. "That's all you're gonna eat?"

"I'm not very hungry," Frank lied. "And I'm trying to lose weight, too."

"You look sick," Ryan said. "You should eat more."

"I'm not hungry," Frank repeated, getting slightly irritated.

"If he doesn't wanna eat, he doesn't have to," Ray said. "As long as you're not starving yourself, you're fine."

"Thanks, Ray." Frank took a bite of toast.

"Hey, what's up with Gerard recently?" Ryan asked. "He won't talk to me."

"He's an asshole," Frank said. They all stared at him. "What?"

"He's been so sweet until recently," Ray said. "I know his family sometimes pressures him, but nothing really big happened to make him stop talking to us..."

He kissed me, Frank thought. But he didn't say anything.

He wouldn't say anything.