Unexpected Love (ON HIATUS)

Chapter 21: Yanyan's Feelings

Sorry that it took time but I've been pretty busy lately but I still try my best to give you at least one chapter per week. Hope you'll like this one.

POV Yanyan

Since my dream, I have avoided Joseph as much as possible, which I did before, but even more so. If I ever meet his gaze, I'll blush. Especially since the dreams have continued ever since and this is getting more ... interesting, if I may say so. Joseph attracts me, I can't deny it, but I have feelings for Carla, I can't deny it either. And I pushed Joseph away anyway... I don't even know what my attraction to Joseph means about me. Am I gay? Bi? Pan? Or am I like a hero in a yaoi manga and only fall in love with one man... Am I Josephsexual?

A small laugh escapes my lips at the thought of that word. I have an hour of free time so I'm in the high school library right now. I'm reading Agatha Christie's Murder on the Orient Express. I love detective novels, especially those of this talented and mysterious 20th century novelist. If I had my life ahead of me, I would like to be a detective like Hercule Poirot, the hero of several Agatha Christie novels. Or maybe I would be a novelist like her. Even if my life will surely be less romantic than hers. After all, this woman disappeared for 11 days and reappeared without a single memory, I cannot compete even with my "love" story with Joseph.

Then I hear girls talking not far from me, between two shelves. I get curipuss, noticing that one of them is talking about Joseph. Fortunately, I don't think they noticed me.

"If I have to date a guy from our school ...? It would be Joseph! "

Another girl replies:

"It's true that he is really handsome and nice but too late he's in love with Carla! "

The first girl continues:

"Yeah, I know, but hey, Carla is super pretty, smart and sweet, I like her a lot. They would make a very nice couple. "

A girl I haven't heard yet suddenly says:

"You got it all wrong, girls! In the latest news , Joseph is in love with Ian, the little nerd. "

I stiffen when I heard my name.

The second girl speaks up again:

"I don't know what you smoked but it must have been good! "

"I assure you, I saw it with my own eyes! Last month Joseph made a declaration of love to hom in front of everyone! "

The first girl laughs:

"He must have lost a bet! He couldn't fall in love with a guy as ugly as him! "

"I do think they would be pretty cute together ..." (Me: The third girl is the best!)

Then I hear the second girl respond:

"If Joseph was gay he'd date someone like Franz or Ralph who are much cuter than this guy!" "

"... Yeah, not wrong... But still... He really seemed to like him. "

Unable to take it anymore, I get up and go to the bookshelf, with Murder on the Orient Express in my hands. I glare at the girls as I put the book away as they stare at me in bewilderment. I sigh :

"I might be ugly, but at least I know you have to be careful that the person isn't in the same room before you say bad things about them, you idiots! "

I storm out of the library. I know it would make a lot more sense for Joseph to just want to make fun of me by telling me he loves me. But I saw his gaze, I saw how hurt he was every time I rejected him. He really loves me. And I know for a fact that I'm not good enough for him. But to hear it as I begin to realize my feelings for him... it hurts.

I see him in the distance talking with Cedric and Amber, he has his arm around the latter's shoulders. He laughs with her as Cedric says something. Maybe he's telling them a joke ...? Amber seems to get a little flustered as the two boys laugh even more. Joseph ruffles her hair and kisses her on the top of her head. Seeing this scene, my heart sinks. I know they are just friends and see each other as siblings, but I can't help but be jealous. Seeing Joseph with someone is painful, I don't have the right to be jealous after everything I've done to him but... I can't help it. Amber is so pretty, she's the girl Joseph should have fallen in love with, not me ...

Suddenly, as if he feels he is being watched, Joseph raises his head and meets my gaze. My heart starts to leap again in my chest. Okay, my life will be even shorter than I thought if he keeps looking at me with that tender gaze. The very second that this eye contact lasts seems to last forever. It's as if the whole world has stood still, as well as time. I quickly look away, ignoring the pang in my heart. I continue on my way pretending I haven't seen him but I feel a pressure on my shoulder. I turn around and see Joseph's sheepish face and his hand resting on my shoulder.

I try not to blush in front of him but I'm not sure I can. I then lower my eyes to look at my feet which suddenly seem very interesting to hide my red cheeks as well as possible. I can say without stuttering:

" What do you want ? "

He answers in a small voice:

"It's my birthday on Saturday. "

" I know. "

"I'm having a party at my house ... I know you don't care but I'd love to see you there. "

" I wont go. "

"I know... but if you change your mind, my door is wide open for you. "

With these words, he returns to his friends, not without giving me a last look. Why is he still so nice? It's hard to push him away when he's like that. If only he could hate me, I wouldn't feel so bad. There, he makes me feel guilty with his beaten dog eyes... I realize that it's been a very long time since I went to Joseph's house. I wonder if that has changed and if so, what has changed? Why am I wondering this? Anyway, I'm not going to his party. I don't even have a present to give him ...