The Things That Will Never Go Away

THERAPY

Sitting on this bench, here I wait
Still I stay
Hoping that you'll come back again

Junior was mischievous,
But she was a darling, she had a golden heart that only I knew about.

Yes, she would throw toilet paper all over the house, mess up the kitchen and get on Sonia's nerves but she also dealt with bullies, bought gifts for everyone in the household and most especially, she would listen to me, she would always listen to me,
I could spend hours with her talking about myself and my problems and she would never complain.

Dr. Serena's office still looks the same, the walls are still white, the curtains still brown and the furniture is still the same.

"Hailey"
Dr. Serena walks in with a small smile on her face

I turn to her smiling back,

"Hailey?, Do you know why you're here?"
She asks

"My sister made me come here"
I sigh

I really don't know what all this is for.

"Hailey, we have talk about this"
She sits beside me on the couch

"I don't want to talk about it"
I smile at her and look away

I don't want to get upset now,
I just want to admire her office and think about everything else,

I wonder how the plans for M.j's wedding is going?
I wonder how Noah Yasmin are doing?
I wonder if Sonia has returned home.

"Hailey"
She snaps me out of my fast thoughts.

"Hailey, what happened to you was tragic, it was tragic"

"Yeah"
I nod

"And it's fine to talk about it"

"Yeah"
I nod

"It's sad that she is gone"

"Yeah"
"She is dead"

I can't feel anything, it's like I am brain dead but my heart is still beating,
I don't know what to feel anymore or how to feel what I am supposed to,
I am supposed to be sad but I don't know how to be.

"I'll be waiting"

"You want me to say something about this?"
I bury my head in my palms

"She is dead, she is gone and I couldn't save her"

"I was too busy thinking about myself, Junior always listened, she listened to me and when she needed me to listen to her, I couldn't"
My chest is constricted and my stomach hurts bad, my guts are twisting at my words.

"You couldn't have read her mind Hailey"
She holds my hands in hers,
I quickly remove my hands from her hold

"No. She was with a gun, I should have grabbed it, I should have fought her, I should have done something everything was so fast and the next thing I knew, she was on the floor and my face was stained with blood"
I cry out

Remembering that horrid day makes my skin burn as if acid was on it, makes my head hurt, my chest rises and my breath to slow down.

"Do you know the worst part of this?"

"Everyone wants me to say something about this, I just lost my best friend and they want me to say something?
What do I say?"

She turns to the window by her side and turns back to me

"The paparazzi?"
"Don't worry, they're not here"

"Junior is dead. But to them it's just news that another Norman has died"

"Hey, Hail, give me your hand"
She whispers and stretches out her hand to me, I slowly give her my hands and look away.

I didn't want to remember, now I do and it's plaguing me,
How could I have actually thought that I could just forget her like that.

"I woke up with her that morning
And at night, I slept without her.
She faded away, like everything wasn't real"

"Can you just tell me that I am dreaming"

I wish so bad that I was dreaming

I have been hurt so many times in my life and I have gotten back up each time,

But this, I  have no hope of healing
Yhe cruel aftermath of Junior's death is going to swallow me whole.

"Hailey, what happened was truly tragic but you have to with a heavy heart, accept it, retain your good memories of her, she still lives in here"
She touches my chest

"Serena, sometimes I am angry at her"

"Why would she leave me like this?
There were other days that she could have said something"

I just wasn't myself that night, I really have bad timing don't I?

"But then again there were so many things I could have done but I didn't do anything, now I am left alone to face the consequences of my mistake. What am I going to do without my main life support?"

I turn my eyes to the floor,

"You survive, you survive Hailey and I know you will"

I turn my flooded eyes back to her

"That's what I have been doing whole life and now I don't remember how to do that anymore"

"I'll teach you, this is just the beginning of our sessions"
She smiles at me,
I am compelled to smile back so I form a crooked smile on my face.

To lose a loved one is like losing a piece of yourself...

SAID LIFE