He Said | Matthew Gray Gubler

Seeing Him

Davina Hayes

I got an Uber and went home. On the way there I checked for flights and found one that leaves in about three hours.

As the Uber driver stops in from of my apartment complex, I asked him if he could wait and take me to the airport as well and he said he would. So I got out and he waited. I walk up the stairs and stand in front of the door.

You can do this.

Be strong.

You can face him.

I took a deep breath and unlocked the door and entered. The clothes are missing from the floor. I closed the door behind me and head straight in the room and looked around. I honestly didn't really need anything, I just wanted to see if she's still here and to let Matt know about my whereabouts.

Not that he actually cares. I could've just texted him instead of wasting my time and breath.

"Hey, you're home." Matt said, exiting the bathroom. I gave him a small smile and was going through my belongings, pretending I'm trying to look for something.

I don't know how to act around him.

"I missed you." He said. No you didn't.

"Yeah, I missed you too." I mumbled.

"How was tour?" He asked. Why is he interested?

"Good." I replied. I'm keeping it short and right now I can feel the awkwardness.

"Well, do you wanna grab a bite to eat? I don't have to head to work till later."

I stopped what I was doing and looked at him. His eyes are a little stained red, he has bags under his eyes, and there's tiny love bites on his neck but it looks like he was trying to cover it with my concealer. He didn't do a good job at that.

"Uh, you know what, I only came here to tell you that I'm going to visit my parents. And my flight leaves soon so I gotta head to the airport." His face frowns, like he's sad and disappointed with what I said.

"Uhm, okay. Did you want me to come with you? I can take a few days-" I cut him off right away.

"No no, you know what, don't do that. That's okay, they only asked for me and they said they miss me and wanted me to go there and spend time with them. You know since we're always here together."

"Uhm, Yeah.. sure. I get it." He looked down in sadness. Oh god, he's killing me.

"Tell them I said hello." He said and I nodded. And we stood in the bedroom at a distance from each other in silence. I was rocking back and forth in place.

I finally spoke up, "well then, I'm gonna go." I said as I exited the bedroom and walked towards the front door.

"Uhm, I love you?" He said it in a questionable way. Before I opened the front door, I stood there with my head down looking at my shoes. I was trying not to cry.

Be strong.

He's not worth your tears.

I picked my head up and opened the door.

"Yeah." I mumbled loud enough for him to hear and left. My voice cracked a little.

Oh Matthew, look what you've done to me.