He Said | Matthew Gray Gubler

Shady

December 2007
Sydney, Australia - New York

Davina Hayes

The past seven months on tour have been very stressful on me, and Matthew and I aren't in the best place right now in our relationship. We're still engaged, still getting married, but we've just been getting into more and more arguments.

Ever since that day where I told him we had to postpone our wedding, from then on we argue over every little thing.

From the start of my tour, Matthew would fly back and forth from the states to wherever I was touring. Because he was still filming at the time and he wanted to see the world with me. And we were happy to say the least.

But after the first few times, he decided to stop flying because he said it's exhausting going back and forth. So when I got upset about it, he turned it into an argument.

And then when he wasn't with me, physically, we would text, call, or FaceTime. But that also stopped and he'd say he's busy filming and then when he gets home, he's too tired to do anything so he just goes to sleep. So now he only checks up on me here and there.

I'm starting to feel like we're slowly drifting apart from each other and when I try to fix it or put effort, it's only me and not him. I don't wanna think the worse right now, but he's not making it easy for me.

Sometimes I would call Aj, Paget, or Kirsten and ask them what he's been up to and they would tell me that he's just sitting around on their break times and lunch and it just makes me wonder why he says he's busy, but can't talk to me when he's on break or something.

They also told me that him and Margot have been spending a lot of time together on set, and that just sets me off. I'm trying my best to not overthink while I'm far away from him.

I know my Matt and I know he would never cheat on me.

I'm currently in Sydney, Australia. This is my last stop of my tour and after this, I can't wait to go back home. I'm hoping Matthew and I can figure out our issues.

***

"Thank you Sydney, you were wonderful! Have a goodnight everybody." I said into the mic as I walked off stage, exhausted.

"Okay, let's head home." I told my manager as I practically sprint to my dressing room and grab my belongings.

"Don't forget when you get back home, its back to writing and studio time. A new album is needed ASAP." Eileen told me and I shoo'ed her away.

The car ride from the concert hall to the airport was complete, utter silence. I enjoyed it quite a bit, I had some time to ponder my thoughts and be with myself. I thought about Matthew and I. Our petty arguments, its breaking us apart and I hate to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel a storm coming, bigger than the ones we've had these past months.

-

Flashback #1

"I have to be here in the states because I have a job to do, just like you. What's not clicking in your brain?"

"All I said was that I miss you, is it a sin to miss my fiance?! I know you have work, I didn't say that I want you to come back. I just wanted to let you know that I miss you. We haven't talked lately-" He cut me off before I could finish.

"Because I have to work! Why are you needy all of a sudden?" He shouted, I couldn't take this abuse anymore.

"You know what?" Before he could respond, I hung up on him.

What did I do to deserve this?

End of flashback #1

-

Flashback #2

"Why are you having my friends keeping tabs on me at work? Do you seriously have trust issues now? Are you doubting our relationship?"

"It's not that I'm keeping tabs on you, its.. I just wanna know why your friends can call and ask how I'm doing, but my fiance can't while he's at work. So I have to ask your friends what you're up to. And most of the time they're concerned that you spend most of your time with Margot than checking up on me. Do you know how that sounds? How that makes me feel?" I said to him calmly, trying not to push his buttons. I just want one conversation with him that doesn't lead to anger, but it seems like this conversation isn't gonna end well either.

"What difference does it make? I hang with Aj, Paget, and Kirsten, but you don't get all offensive about it."

"It's because I know them well enough to know that they're not gonna do anything. I just have a bad feeling about her. Can't you just respect that?"

"Can you respect my profession and not ride on my back like I'm a horse. Look I gotta go, I gotta film a scene with Margot. Is that okay with you?" He hung up before I could reply back.

End of flashback #2

***

"Yes Paget, I landed safely and I'm waiting on Matthew to pick me up from the airport. I told him ahead of time what time to get me, but it seems like he's running late. I tried calling him, but he's not answering." I spoke in the phone.

"Do you need me to come get you?" Paget asked me on the other end.

"No no, it's fine. If he doesn't come, I'll just catch an uber or taxi."

"Alright, but if you change your mind I'm a call away."

"Thanks, I appreciate it." I said and hung up. I waited for about 10 more minutes to see if he would show up and I called a few more times, but no answer. So I flagged down a taxi cab and told him my address.

As the driver pulls up to my apartment, I thanked him and paid him and he drove off. I walk up the stairs with my luggage and made it to my front door. I grabbed my keys out from my jacket pocket and twisted the key in the lock. I twist the door knob and open the door. As I walk in, I see clothes on the floor leading to the bedroom.

There's two different gender clothing here and I know one of them are Matthew's, but the other one isn't mine. I tiptoe to the bedroom and see the door open ajacent. I glance inside and see movement under the sheets, but I notice that blonde hair anywhere. I covered my mouth and started to tear up. I grabbed my stuff and rushed out and called Paget.

"Hey-" I cut her off and spoke.

"How fast can you get to my apartment?" And hung up the phone, letting a tear shed down my face.