𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 | 𝑩.𝑬

-chapter 18-

"Why don't you sing that one that you wrote for Mr Edwards?" Billie suggests, adjusting the chains round her neck. "That was beautiful."

I feel myself blush again, obvious the effect this girl has on me.

"Uh, sure." I say shyly, suddenly nervous infront of the two siblings.

It was hard enough for a whole class of people but now with only 2? For some reason that makes me more nervous.

Like, performing something infront of 80,000 people is way easier than performing it infront of 8. It kind of takes the pressure off.

"Could I borrow your piano?" I ask Finneas nervously, trying to re-familiarise myself with the notes of the song.

"Of course!" He says getting out of his chair and taking a seat next to Billie.

"Thanks."

"My pleasure." He smiles, his sister cuddling into him. I've only known him for like 5 minutes but I'm already jealous of his bond with Billie.

You can just tell how much they truly care for each other underneath all that sibling banta.

"Fuck it up." Billie laughs as I sit down, me making my silver hair fall to cover the right side of my face to hide the extreme blush.

Hesitantly, I begin with the chords, already sinking into the song. Piano is that kind of instrument which even though it's an ass to learn, it's so easy to get lost on it when you're playing.

I start the song, never once turning my head to look at how the siblings reacted.

To be honest, I'm so nervous I don't even know why I'm doing this other than the fact that Billie would supposedly leave here.

As I get to the chorus I'm starting to become very self conscious.

I mean, these guys make the most heart-touching, beautifully created pieces of art and here I am, singing them my mediocre song.

"Woo!" Billie cheers, making Finneas laugh at her unnecessary encouragement. It's like she knows exactly what I'm feeling.

Maybe because she's felt it before.

"I'd apologize if I thought it might make a difference
Or make you listen
I'd apologise if it was black and white
But life is different
Just try to listen to me now"

As much as I hate on this song it does touch me in a way I don't really know how to describe.

Now I'm thinking about it, even though I wrote this about a completely different situation, it still applies to me and my problems now.

With losing my best friend, knowing that apologising will change nothing.

That feeling of losing a friend I never had is not knowing how much of an impact losing Xanon would be on me.

The fact that she didn't think of me as a friend but rather as a crush. Or maybe it's both.

Well, was.

I doubt that first option still applies.

"Never had" I finish the song, letting out a small breath as I'm finally able to stop singing.

Nervously turning my gaze to Finneas and Billie, I study their faces, nervous for their responses.

Billie looks more proud then anything, a look of complete relaxation on her face.

Meanwhile, Finneas looks completely stunned, eyes wide.

Is that a good or a bad thing?

"Uh," I say quietly. "Was that okay?"