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1 MONTH LATER
I FELT AS IF the life has been sucked out of me, draining any motivation that i once had. the drowning feeling that nobody was there killed me.
the apartment was quiet with no sounds going through the air. the only thing that was heard was the voices inside my head. my thoughts. i was practically living with them. they always said the same thing just in a different form.
"you're a bad mother"
"he loved you but you didn't give him a chance"
"alessio dead"
these past few days i began to notice how loud the silence could be. i could hear myself breathing making me uncomfortable. my room looked the same but it wasn't the mess that it was when i found out that he was gone. my room looked normal. nothing was out of place except my baby that remained missing.
his blanket right above my nose still smelled the same and i could just close my eyes and imagine that he was there. everyone i did close them he would pop up and i would smile. but sometimes someone else would come up saying those same words to me.
"only you can determine the future"
those same words ringed in my head like an alarm clock telling you to wake up. but i couldn't. everytime i would fall asleep the same nightmare would appear just in a different version. sometimes i would see alejandro behind bars, and other times i would see him in my arms sleeping in peace. my mind was giving my signals of some sort and i didn't know why.
i finally opened my eyes seeing someone in the corner of my room. i slightly got up to see alessio wrapped in a blanket. he was small and his hand was reaching out for me. a small smile of relief came out as i got up.
"alessio?"
he didn't respond but i was almost positive that it was him.
"oh my baby it's you" i said picking him up
his small baby noises came out and he smiled back at me. tears of joy came out as i picked him up putting him in my arms. he was so warm and looked adorable in his onesie. gray with blue paw prints on them.
"i missed you so much" i cried
"mommy missed you so much"
"i thought you were hurt or even worse dead"
i calmed myself down just holding him in my arms. i sat down on the bed just staring into his eyes. my finger was held by his small hand and i kissed it causing him to chuckle.
"i love you so much. i won't let anybody take you ever again"
"you want to see what i got you? come on it's in the kitchen.".
i stood up with happiness and made my way to the kitchen.
"oh you must be hungry are you?"
"come on i'll get you something"
quickly heating up some breast milk, i went to the living room where he laid in the crib.
"look. i got you this"
i lifted up a little mat that came with toys for him to lay down on it
"i hope you like it"
he smiled and i kissed his nose causing him to chuckle. his laugh lifted up my spirits and brought me joy. he was back.
sᴛᴀʟᴋᴇʀs ᴘᴏᴠ
his soft cries and shuffling was heard next to me making myself get up. i rubbed my eyes picking him up from his crib. i rocked him back and fourth almost falling asleep when i noticed that he was probably hungry. i was running out of breast milk and i started to get worried about it. i obviously got it from y/n but i wasn't with her right now.
speaking of y/n i heard her talking to herself again. i sighed knowing that its been the tenth time that she's done this. after feeding alessio i set him down in his crib watching his chest go up and down. i sat on the chair having my heart break at the sight.
she was talking to her stuffed animo that was wrapped in one of alessios blankets. i think she's going crazy since every morning she would do the same thing. the thoughts in her head were taking over here and she didn't even notice that she was talking to a stuffed bunny every morning.
i've noticed that each morning when she got up, she would see the bunny in the corner and thinks its alessio. when night comes, she would take her pills and fall asleep repeating the process. she doesn't even realize that she's been doing this every morning because her memory makes her forget.
i saw how she was changing without alessio beside her and started to feel bad. maybe i shouldn't have taken him. i sighed going back to my bed laying down. hands on my face, i began thinking in maybe giving him back to her. as much as i wanted to be with my kid, i knew that she wound got crazy without him, just how i go crazy without seeing her.
and that's when i decided to pay her a visit before she goes completely insane.
