What She Needs

28. Constant Craving Has Always Been

Constant Craving by K.D Lang

These next two chapters are a lot more mature than I usually write, just beware.

Arizona Robbins

"Arizona?" Amelia slides up to me with an unsure look on her face.

I'm on a break at the hospital, taking a bit of time to absorb some of the suns rays in the courtyard before the lunch hour is up. I haven't seen the brunette for a few days, since she gave up our couch when Meredith was released from hospital. The two have be near inseparable.

"What's up Ame's?" That's mine and Callie's nickname for her. I tried 'Amy' but she bit my head off. She said that's for family only.

I put my fork down and give her my full attention.

"You know" she starts "how you said I could ask you anything.... about girls.... I mean" she whispers the end part, her eyes darting around to check no one heard her.

"Yes."

"I think... maybe I have a few questions?"

"Fire away, chick!" I give her a smile and she sits down next to me.

"Okay.. firstly, I need to know. Am I still you student? Like from those years ago at Hopkins. I mean... I'm an attending now but you only knew me as a resident....Because this won't work if I'm your student. I can't open up honest to my teacher...."

"Stop." I interrupt. "You're rambling."

"Sorry."

"I don't see you as a student anymore, Amelia. But you are a younger attending than me. 5 years younger. That kind of makes me your superior... do you see that?"

"Okay... well, then can I talk to you as a friend, not a doctor?"

"Sure."

She rubs her hands across her jean clad thighs. She must have only just got to work, if she hasn't even changed yet. Or maybe she was just called in for a consult. Her mouth forms a tight 'o' as she blows out air, a signature sign of her trying to regulate her nerves. The month she lived with us has helped me work out how she tics.

"I've been having these cravings.... um... surges?" She admits.

"Okay..."

"And it's freaking me out a little bit. I'm kinda getting used to noticing girls. Like that nurse on 4th floor. Her smile and her hair and the way her scrub top is slightly too tight across her chest. But today I thought something different.... I thought about how it might feel to kiss a girl...."

"And..." I try and keep my face as neutral as possible.

"And I got scared....it's one thing liking girls.... but actually thinking about.... doing stuff........" she shakes her head.

"Hey, you don't have to do anything you're not ready for. You don't ever have to do anything at all."

"But these surges! I can't think straight!" She whines adorably.

"What do they feel like?" I shift closer to her body so she can keep her voice low.

"It's not the same feelings when I think about kissing guys...it's hot....and twisty in my stomach....like a throb in a way?" I can't help but giggle.

"Don't laugh at me!" she pouts.

"I'm sorry... but Amelia, you're just feeling aroused!"

Her eyes widen and she hits me in the arm lightly, but with vigour.

"No! I'm not aroused, Arizona." She bites, an extremely red tint finding her cheeks.  "I've felt arousal before... this is different... its intense, almost painful. And I can't get anything done."

"Don't snap at me, missy!" I retort and the blush only deepens.

"I like it when you do that." She smiles shyly.

"What?"

"Tell me off ...take control....its soothing...kinda hot....I'm usually the strict one, not the other way round."

"Well, in that case" I reply with a smirk "you need to watch your tone. I know you're finding this very overwhelming, but don't snap at me."

"Sorry, Dr Robbins." I feel my cheeks heat up at my formal title.

I've explained before, that Callie is the headstrong one in our relationship, but holding power over Amelia like this, sends jolts of arousal through my own body.

"I'm sorry to tell you... but what you're describing is arousal. It just sounds like you're feeling it more intensely for girls right now."

"Ugh!!" she sighs, exasperated.

"Do you remember when you were 16... those feelings of desire and sexual awakening? Is that how you're feeling now?" I take a quick bite of the cereal bar on my tray. This is my lunch break after all.

"Kind of... but it's more nerve wracking than that. Every around me was having the same experiences at 16. But now.. its just me. And besides... I numbed most of my teenage years with drugs so I can't really give you a clear recollection."

I smile sadly.

"I've told you before, and I'll tell you again. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to girls... pursuing a relationship with a girl... hell even marrying a girl. I will."

"I'm getting my head around it, Arizona, I am. But just when I've accepted that I find girls attractive... I'm hit with these insatiable cravings. What can I do about it?"

She takes a swig of my water that I have open from my lunch...

"Masturbate."

...and then she spits the water all over me.

"AMELIA!" I yell, but there's a giggle in there somewhere. I stand up to shake myself off, but she pulls me back down by the wrist, and pulls me in close.

"I am not rubbing one out over the nurse on 4th, Arizona!" She whispers viciously.

"Okay! Okay! Sorry I suggested!" I still can't keep the humour out of my voice, which earns me another slap.

"Did you ever do that?"

"Rub one out over a colleague? No. I'd just sleep with them and be done with." I tell no lie.

"Well that's not an option." She states firmly.

"Why not?" I challenge.

"My first experience with girls isn't going to be with the nameless 4th floor nurse!"

Fair enough.

"You want it to be with someone you trust, right?"

"Exactly!" She smiles that I'm finally understanding. "Honestly, I'd sleep with you if you weren't with Callie. Just to rip the bandaid off."

It's my turn to choke on my water bottle. I quickly find composure though, when I remember one of Callie's fantasies, and my own desire to help the beautiful brunette in front of me work through her issues with her sexuality.

"Is that something you really want to do Amelia?" I smile coyly.

"I... uh...yeah?" she stammers with nerves, not liking the sudden change in my demeanour.

"It could be arranged ya know!" I want to see how she reacts.

"I.... errrrr...."  Words stop falling from her mouth but her body language shows just how hot she's gotten from the thought.

I place my hand on her thigh and give her leg a quick squeeze.

"Text me Amelia, after work." I stand up, clearing my food wrappers and such as I have a surgery in half an hour. "I'm going to have a chat with Callie... see if we can help you out..."

With that, I exit the court yard, leaving the young attending with her mouth wide open and her cheeks crimson, smiling as I know I was the one to do it to her