What She Needs

26. Slipping Through My Fingers

Slipping through my fingers- ABBA

Addison Montgomery

"Addison! Meredith! Come in, girls!" Dr Garcia calls from behind her desk in her office in downtown Seattle.

I've been allowed to take Meredith off the ward for the day. She's edging close to discharge. Obviously, she isn't recovered, but the doctors believe she's stable, and they need the bed for other patients in immediate crisis. Today, Grace has called us in to set up a safety net for Meredith and a plan of action for the next few weeks.

"How are you both today?" The therapist asks. I look to Meredith who is finding the floor very interesting.

"Meredith?" She encourages.

"I'm nervous." Meredith admits.

"Do you know why?"

"It's weird being off the ward. I- I don't know whether I'm confident..."

"That's understandable." Grace begins to reassure as I rub my sisters back. "You've been in a bubble for almost a month. That's why we need the meeting. How are we going to integrate you into society again?"

"I want to go to work." She states stubbornly.

"Woah... hold on Mer!"
I don't think I'm happy for her to go to work. I want her in my sight at all times. I'll take time off work myself to baby sit her. This cannot happen again.

"Personally... I don't think you should work for at least 2 more weeks. But, and I know you disagree Addison, I don't think getting back into work would be a bad thing Meredith. Providing you speak to your employers." Grace stays.

Meredith takes a back seat in the conversation for a while, pulling out threads from the bottom of her T-shirt. I notice her begin to scratch at her arms with anxiety, so firmly clasp her hands to calm her.

"Don't hurt yourself, babe." I whisper.

"Sorry. It's an instinct." Mer replies and I know it's true. The hardest part of her recovery will be breaking the comfortable habits. Getting rid of the safety blankets. It's like taking a pacifier from a baby.

"Now, I wanted to talk to you both about something I've noticed over the past month or so..." Grace hedges the conversation.
"Meredith- I've noticed you seem to have gotten quite attached to me."

"I have not!" She defends. My grip on her hand tightens.

"I'm not attacking you! I'm just stating what I've noticed."

I guess I've noticed it too in a way. Meredith seems to latch onto any maternal woman that comes into her life, after a grace period where she tests us. Meredith will only eat for Dr Grace without a fight... I wonder what it is about her therapist that she's attached too?

"If I may, Dr Garcia" I receive a nod "Meredith, I've noticed as well that you seem very attached to any of us that display a maternal instinct towards you. Im not passing judgement sweetheart, I'm just curious as to what you think, Grace."

"Well, what have you noticed?"

I ponder for a second.

"There's a lot of childlike traits in Mer. I wonder whether that's got something to do with her childhood neglect- correct me if I'm wrong sweetheart."

My sister just shrugs.

"You like skin to skin contact, don't you Mer. But only with people she really trusts. So far, that's me, Amy and Arizona. We've all lifted her into our arms and bounced her on our bare chests to calm her down. It works like a charm.... she responded pretty well to Amelia's discipline... before they had an argument anyway...." I chuckle. "She sleeps better in my bed, eats better when I feed her. She seems to be better around food in general when Amy takes that control from her."