What She Needs

4. Ignorance Is Your New Best Friend

Ignorance- Paramore

Addison
Meredith stormed out of the on call room like a petulant teenager, and I would have laughed if the situation were different.
Arizona and I collapsed on the bunk.

"What are we going to do?" Arizona questions.
"I really don't know. What can we do?"
"Bailey?"
I shoot that idea down quickly.
"I don't think Meredith would ever forgive us if we did that."
I thought for a moment before continuing.
"You know Zona... she said she trusted me. I mean, she was shouting at me in the process, but she said she trusted me. And she eventually admitted she cut herself, which must prove there's some sort of trust there even if it's shaky. I should honour that right?"

"She chose you Addison." Arizona agreed.

"But why? I'm her boyfriends ex."

Thinking about it I didn't really give her much choice other than to open up to me.

"You're trustworthy Addison. And you've also never been vengeful toward Meredith. You accepted that she's the wronged woman in your messy divorce. I think she respects you. She should- I do!"

"Thankyou Arizona! Well she let you in too. I think we need a game plan!"
Arizona and I spent the next 20 or so minutes coming up with a "game plan" to support Meredith. Under no circumstance am I going to leave her alone to continue hurting herself, but I'm also aware I can't come on too strong or she'll be spooked. I need to show her respect and grace, without putting her in danger. It's so tricky, because I just want to pick her up and coddle her and never let her out my sight. I want to parent her, protect her, look after her. I don't know if anyone has before. But is it my place? No.

Where has this desire come from? She's a grown woman. She can look after herself, can't she?

Arizona and I settled on watching intently from afar. Giving Meredith the benefit of the doubt. If she shows up to the appointments for her stitches we can keep an eye on her, without seeming like we're invading. And if it comes to it, we decided we could tell Derek what's going on. He'll be heartbroken, but if Meredith needs it then that's what we'll do.

Arizona left to go to a consult, and I did the same, meeting Dr Karev and another resident with a pregnant mother. Before I knew it my shift was over and I was free to go back to my Seattle apartment. I had a Bridget Jones marathon booked with the bottle of wine in my fridge. I collected my bag and coat from the attendings lounge and scurried through the corridor to the entrance, where I saw Derek and Meredith making their way out, finished for the day too.

"Dr Grey!" I did a little run to catch up to her.
"Good work on my service today Grey!" I gave her shoulder a little squeeze and she flinched away, her head down, ignoring me.
"Mer... Dr Montgomery is talking to you..."
Derek was obviously surprised by Merediths cold shoulder.
"It's okay Derek. Dr Grey and I have had quite the day."
I bit my tongue. Shit. Addie. Why did you say that?

"What do you mean? Meredith what does she mean? And anyway why are you being so civil to me Addie? You usually have something derogatory to say by now."
He's not wrong. But I'm biting my tongue.

"Derek, I want to put it behind us. For your sake, Meredith. You don't deserve to be a body in the middle of our divorce- and Derek I apologise for trying to rile you up this morning. It was unprofessional and more than anything, I'd hate to throw away 11 years of companionship."

Meredith narrows her eyes. She's confused. So am I to be fair. Derek is a good man, but I'm Addison Montgomery and I don't back down as easily as I just did. Perhaps I'm learning to be the bigger person??

"I'd like that too Addison. You've always been a good friend first. Maybe you could come over for dinner some time?"

"Sounds like a plan, as long as it's okay with Dr Grey?"

The announcement of her name brought her back from whatever day dream she was in.

"Huh? Yeah whatever Addison."

"Meredith what's up with you today? You can't talk to an attending like that!"
Derek isn't mad at her, thats not possible for him. He's just confused.

"Derek... it's okay. She's been on my service all day-she's sick of me."

"Damn right" she mutters under her breath.

"But Meredith..." I lower my voice to a whisper and put my hand on her arm, just above her bandages.

"I really don't like attitude from my interns. Derek has my number. You call me if you need me. Whatever the time of day or night. Derek has my number. I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

"Addison I'm fine..."

"I'll see you tomorrow Dr Grey. I've heard Dr Robbins will need an intern at 3pm in exam room 1. Be there."
And with that I turn on my heel and exits Seattle Grace Hospital.

That was a happy medium right? Caring, without coming on too strong. Enough attitude so that Derek wouldn't pick up what was wrong, but not so much that Meredith thinks I really don't care. A happy medium.
I look over my shoulder one more time.

"Meredith, what's wrong?" Derek has kneeled down to her eye line and has her face cupped. She looks like she's about to cry.

"Derek...really I'm okay. I'm hormonal is all I'm fine."

"You're not fine baby. I've seen you hormonal, but not like this Mer!"

Meredith locks eyes with her lover.
"Really Derek. Ignorance really is bliss."