What She Needs

18. Everyone's Heart Doesn't Beat The Same

Jesus Of Suburbia- Greenday

Some talk of Amelia's drug use, so proceed with caution. You know what's safe for you to read!

Addison Montgomery

'Fine! I'll go! I'll leave you to it! Go cut yourself and cry to Addie. See if I care!'

I shut the front door, dropping my purse to the floor in shock. I cannot believe the words that have just left Amelia's mouth. How dare she! She's not noticed me, but Meredith has, and is meekly fighting back. I open my mouth to yell:

'AMELIA SHEPHERD!'

The brunette spins around to face me, revealing fat tears coating her cheeks. She never cries in front of people. I notice Meredith flinch at my shouting, so I inhale a deep breath, to at least keep the volume of my voice in check.

Taking a moment to assess the situation, I hear a timer beeping on Amy's cell phone and begin to piece together what the situation might be. Meredith obviously cannot be left alone right now, but I need to separate the two girls.

"Amelia. Go to your room."

I'm seething at the girl, and I need her out of my sight so I can calm down.

"Addison!" She wails. It's a mixture of anger and distress I can hear in her voice.

"I'm an adult. You can't send me to my room!"

"Yes I can! If you're going to say hurtful childish things, then you can GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

She scuttles up the stairs, grabbing and silencing her cell phone on her way.

Meredith is rooted to the spot.

"I'm sorry for raising my voice."  I admit to the girl quivering before me. "Are you okay?"

"You're not going to hit her, are you?" She whispers anxiously.
There's a black, deep rooted, childhood fear emerging across her pupils.

"What?"

I'm genuinely baffled. I try to guide Meredith to sit down, but she stays grounded where she is, fists balled and ready to fight.

"Are you going to hit Amelia?" She asks directly. I can't believe she's attempting to protect the person who just said something so awful to her.

"What?!? No! I'd never do that! What do you think of me?"

"Sorry... I just..."

An image flashes in my mind that I just have to erase instantly.

"Has anyone hit you before, Meredith?"

I go to put a hand on her shoulder, but she flinches back. This seems to run quite deep. The stance she's taken is one I've seen in the hospital many a time. Ready to pounce, or run. I don't know which.

"No!...They've ....threatened. But ...no. I just wanted to check."

Hmmmm.

"Okay... well do you understand that somebody can be angry at someone, but not have any desire to hurt them?"

"Sort of? No... not really?"

Jesus. This is something I definitely need to bring up to Dr Garcia. Meredith's lack of parenting has left her with skewed views of the world, among other things, and as her sister, I'm going to take it upon myself to reparent her... unless Grace says otherwise. She doesn't understand how humans are supposed to interact and express emotion safely. Nobody has taught the girl that feelings are to be honoured and shared and validated.