Barely Legal (Julian Casablancas)

.::Chapter Thirty-Three||Personal Problems::.

         

          His hand ached—his knuckles were hot and throbbed to the rhythm of his heartbeat. Julian's fist clenched closed, taking pity on whoever was on the receiving end of last nights' scuffle. That's when he remembered what had actually happened. There had been no bar fight; there was only Janae—calling out his bullshit.

He closed his eyes at the revelation, covering his face with his broken hand while letting out a groan in pleading desperation.

He could see her face—the horror etched in her expression as tears swelled over the brims of her eyes. Janae was scared of him.

         He hadn't just "punched" a wall, he had busted a hole in it—the size of a softball, if he remembered correctly. He landed blow after blow until the plaster gave way. Until he was satisfied with the sting of his knuckles. Then he said something—something stupid, he was sure. Though he couldn't recall what that something was.

He was angry, more so with himself, but upset that Janae was smart enough to catch on and draw attention to it.

To put it lightly, Julian was a mess.

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          A set of hasty knocks at the door caused Tiffany to stop eating breakfast. Confused, she dropped the fork in her plate, rushing to the door to see who was there.

Looking through the peephole, Tiffany groaned loudly. The barrage of knocks persisted even as she opened the door.

          "What the fuck are you doing here? Haven't you done enough?"

Julian appeared defeated; his tired eyes void of all emotion except guilt. "I need to see Jay."

"Well, Jay doesn't wanna see you-"

"Tiffany please, I said and did a lot of stupid shit last night that I need to apologize for."

Tiffany's eyes narrowed skeptically at Julian, looking for traces of falsehood. She hated to admit it, but he seemed genuinely remorseful.

          "Just come back in a couple of days. You need to give her some space." Tiffany tried to mediate, but it was hard. She knew Julian was being truthful, but she had only just gotten Janae's forgiveness herself; she wasn't about to tarnish that mended bridge.

"You don't get it Tiffany, I love her. I love her more than I've ever loved anyone. I can't just leave with that being the last thing she thinks of me. Otherwise, I'll never get her back." Julian was pouring his heart out. It pained Tiffany to see it, but Julian had made his bed, it was time for him to lie in it.

          "If you love her so much, why the fuck did you do that?"

Julian's tensed shoulders deflated. He nearly crumbled into the doorframe. "I was messed up last night. I've been pretty messed up lately- trying to work, write, and manage the band. All I know, is that I love her. She was turning on me, Tiffany- she was starting to figure it out and I got scared, alright? So I pushed her away to save myself the grief, but I realize now that that was..." he trailed—broken, downturned eyes roaming the floor.

"Stupid?" Tiffany finished for him.

"Yeah, it was really stupid." Julian admitted.

          Tiffany waited for Julian to make another excuse, but to her surprise, he remained silent—wallowing in last nights' act of stupidity. She sighed, "Jay isn't here right now. She and Holly left this morning, I don't know where they went."

Julian nodded in understanding, his tired eyes coming back into focus. "Will you please just let me know when she gets back? We're having a show tonight and I really want her to be there."