Affinity [h.s]

07

Louis comes to me. "Can you keep my headphones in your bag for right now? Mine's too full probably'' he says handing me the headphone

"Oh sure'' i put it in my bag.

"Where's Lauren?'' Harry asks but i pretend i didn't hear him as I was mad at him. "This headphone looks really great. Are these the bluetooth ones?'' i ask looking at Louis.

"Yeah. They're so amazing. I'll show you once we reach the airport. The bass sounds so amazing!'' Louis was too excited

"I asked where's Lauren?'' Harry speaks a bit higher as he thought I didn't hear him

"Louis where's Niall. I don't see him?'' i keep talking to Louis. Louis is confused so he raises an eyebrow at me.

"GRACE!!'' Harry shouts at me making me flinch. Everyone stops talking and turns to me.

"Harold what are you doing! That's no way you should talk to her.'' Liam quickly scolds him.

"Mind your own business Liam'' Harry glares at him.
"Harry i don't wanna talk to you. Leave.'' i say trying to stay calm.

"i fucking don't wanna talk to you either. I asked, WHERE'S LAUREN?''

"Go find her yourself and don't talk to me until you fix that shitty attitude of yours'' i say in anger.

"Talk about my attitude when your slutty character is better" he spits in disgust.

That hurt me.

Harry storms off and I stand there in middle of all these people embarrassed and hurt. My skin started to heat up as I get fidgety. My chest hurt as I placed my palm on it feeling out of breath.

"Hey you okay..?'' Louis holds my hand that i didn't even realise was shaking.

"Yeah I'm fine.. i just need some air'' I shake my head swallowing the rock hard lump in my throat.

"I'll be back" I say and hurriedly go to the washroom. Seeing it's empty I lock the door and lean on the counter. I take deep breaths. No matter how much I tried I kept feeling out of breath. My vision was starting to get blurry. I splash some water on my face but it didn't help.

Oh God no.

Not the time right now. My hands shake uncontrollably as I tug onto the material of my outfit for leverage.

I don't know what made me do that but I opened the small private compartment of my bag and fetch the small blade. The shiny metal revealed itself as reality hit my mind.

I know I need to stop right now. But somehow I can't.

"No..'' i shake my head continuously.

I keep flipping the blade between my fingers.

"DON'T. DO. IT.'' I repeat to myself.

But no matter what I did the feeling just won't go away.

Maybe, just a little bit won't be that bad. I think as i keep flipping the blade between my fingers. I felt control lose my body slowly which I didn't want. This wasn't the time for this. It hit me all of a sudden.

I've dealt with this since I was 6. At first it were just anxiety attacks. But then it got worse and worse with each passing year. But right now I didn't have the time to deal with this.

I look down at the blade that stood between my fingers. I close my eyes and take a deep breath pressing my fingers on it.

And in the next moment, it was done.