EAT » [ziam]

twenty-five

[will you still love me when I shine, from words but not from beauty?]

~**~

He is nervous. Zayn is really fucking nervous. It’s that kind of nervous where you repeatedly think of what’s bothering you and your heart is panging in your chest. He can just picture his father’s terrifying face, nostrils flaring and eyes seeing red, as he shoots Zayn with countless insults. If Zayn loses Liam because of his father, he has no idea what he’ll do. Liam is Zayn’s only motivation for living anymore, his only supporter. Without his boyfriend, Zayn would be back at square one even more damaged than before. As pathetic and shirt-tugging as it sounds, it’s the truth.

Their alarm clock went off about five minutes ago, and Liam and Zayn are still laying together in bed, entangled in each other’s limbs. Whenever they cuddle, Liam always pulls Zayn close to his chest and rubs his back, while Zayn traces the pattern of Liam’s fluffy chest hair and lays his head against Liam’s shoulder. They never really make that much sound, just their soft breathing and maybe some birds chirping outside.

Liam starts kissing Zayn on the forehead, and slips his lips down to meet Zayn’s own lips, but Zayn moves away and shakes his head before Liam can kiss him. “What?” asks Liam.

“Morning breath,” Zayn simply answers.

He scoots out of bed and leaves a groaning Liam to go to the bathroom. Once in there, Zayn rinses off his face with some warm water, ridding the crust from his eyes. He reaches for the toothbrush he brought to Liam’s and pulls out some baking soda. Zayn is so damn paranoid about calories to the point where he’s using baking soda instead of sweet-tasting toothpaste because it contains zero calories. Whether or not it’s healthy, the words ‘zero’ and ‘calories’ in one sentence is music to Zayn’s ears.

The white foam drips from his mouth as he spits it into the sink and rinses his mouth by cupping water in his hand. Zayn presses his arms against the marble sink and sighs heavily. He hisses out in pain when he feels the cold stone sting against his skin. He rubs the irritated area and notices a bruise developing in the center of the bottom of his arm. He has no idea where it came from, but instead of being concerned about his health, Zayn brushes it off and thinks it’s better to hide it.

When he gets back to the room, he kind of barges in, and upon doing so, he sees a naked Liam putting on some fresh briefs. Liam smiles (he was comfortable with his body) while Zayn flushes red like ripe watermelon and slams the door shut, extremely embarrassed. He leans back against the wall opposite to Liam’s door and sinks down to the ground. Zayn actually saw his boyfriend naked for the first time, and he isn’t complaining because Liam has a nice body and quite the length, but Zayn still gets all shy like a school girl.

Liam walks out newly changed and Zayn immediately starts rambling out, “Liam I’m so sorry! I should’ve knocked! That was so rude of—”

He chuckles and kneels down to quiet Zayn with a kiss to the lips. Liam rubs his cheek and says soothingly, “Babe, it’s alright. We’re dating. You’re allowed to see me naked.” He helps Zayn up and asks, “So what do you think? Did you enjoy what you saw?” before winking.

“Oh, u-um, well...” Zayn is getting all choked up and damn Liam for doing this to him. “It’s quite nice, Liam.”

All Liam can do is laugh with his head launching back while pulling Zayn in for a hug. “God you’re so cute.” He looks down and notices the bruise on Zayn’s arm. Knowing Liam, of course he’s concerned. “Where did this come from?”

With Liam’s hand gripping Zayn’s wrist to get a better look at the bruise, Zayn eases his arm away from Liam and explains, “It’s nothing, really. I think I hit your wall in my sleep or something. I just noticed it this morning.”

“Well if you say so, then I believe you.” Liam opens back up his door and asks, “Do you wanna change real fast?”

“Yeah.”

Zayn walks into Liam’s room with Liam popping his head in the door and saying, “I’ll be downstairs.”

He just smiles at his boyfriend until he leaves. Zayn gets dressed into some cargo shorts and a graphic tee, and examines himself in the mirror. His legs seem thinner than last month, so he must be doing something right. Before leaving, he decides to throw on a sweater to hide his bruise, and even though it’s almost summer, there’s still a chilly breeze.

When Zayn gets downstairs, he sees Liam shoving his binder into his backpack on the couch. “Your mum at work?”

“Yeah, she said she’ll be home pretty late tonight. We’ll have the place to ourselves.” Liam’s mother Karen is a secretary for a corporation. She doesn’t make millions, but it gets the bills paid—or, is enough to get by without Geoff around anymore.

“Oh, Liam.” Zayn walks over to him. “I think I’ve over stayed my welcome, and I need to go home sooner or later.”

“I promise you, you’re not intruding at all. My mum probably likes you more than me even!” Liam chuckles at the end of his sentence, but telling by the look in Zayn’s eyes, Liam knows Zayn needs to go home. He’s not quite sure why, but he just needs to, and Liam is going to respect that.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. I should be grateful you were even allowed to spend one night with me, yeah?” Liam shrugs his backpack onto his shoulders and asks, “Do you think I could still meet your folks though—properly, that is.”

“You already did with Louis and Johannah though,” deflects Zayn. He just really doesn’t want Liam and his father in the same room. Sure they’ve been in the same room before, but that was when Liam wasn’t Zayn’s boyfriend.

“I know, but I’m your boyfriend now. I want to meet them as your boyfriend. I don’t understand what the big deal is? You met my mum and I would have you meet my dad if he even wanted to see me.” Liam’s somber features are enough for Zayn to cave in, because fuck, who can resist those warm eyes and button nose?

Zayn sighs and leans his head on Liam’s shoulder while standing next to him. “Okay, I’ll ask my mum if we can have some sort of dinner get together.” He looks up at Liam. “Sound good?”

“I’d like that.” Liam lowers in, but pauses. “No more morning breath?” he asks in a teasing way.

Zayn grins and rolls his eyes playfully. “Oh just shut up and kiss me you dork.”

~**~

A few days have passed and Zayn is just getting more nervous by the hour. Things actually went smoothly when he asked his mother if Liam could come over this Friday for dinner, not because his mother would fight him on this, but because his father would be the major problem. Trisha said she would be the one to tell Yaser and for Zayn to not worry about, to tell Liam the news anyways.

With that answer, he sent Liam the text explaining their plans this Friday and from there it seemed fine. Even when Zayn returned home, the atmosphere of the house seemed different. The arguing between his parents died down, and surprisingly, his father even told him, “welcome home.” It was very bizarre coming from his father, but Zayn knew he couldn’t count on this sudden act of kindness. It could be a total ploy from his father. This hasn’t been the first time Yaser has suddenly treated Zayn like a human being. Like that one night he came home from Luke’s house and his father was acting strange by telling him to ‘enjoy some time with your old man.’ Zayn saw right through that façade last time and he was back to himself the next day, insulting Zayn as usual. He wouldn’t be surprised if the same thing was happening again.

From: Liam
Message: On my way! :D

Liam’s text gets Zayn all jittery. Normally he gets excited when Liam messages him, but that isn’t the case today. In all honesty, Zayn thinks this is a recipe for disaster. This whole dinner is like mixing water and oil; stupid and asking for trouble.

“How much longer till you’re finished over there?” asks Yaser in a way that could come across as rude depending on the person.

“Oh hush. Making spaghetti doesn’t take three minutes like that stuff you microwave.” Trisha dips a spoon into the sauce to test the flavor. “Zayn honey, please set the table.”

Zayn gets up from the couch and begins reaching for plates and cups out of the cupboard. Pretty soon he’s moving on to setting silverware on the table as well. He does this very quickly because his father is eying him and it feels like a lion is breathing down his neck and preparing to feast on him.

“Faggot, where’s your sister?” asks his father with a burp and a sloppy wipe to his mouth with the back of his hand. It’s evident Yaser has no care in the world for this dinner by the way he’s dressed. He has on some baggy jeans and a wife-beater tank top with a smudged grease stain on the bottom left corner.

Zayn’s insides jump at the venomous word, but he manages to reply, “She’s at grandma’s.”

Trisha breathes heavily as she watches, like always, just watches. By now, it’s like observing the same scene in a movie over and over again. But maybe it’s time for her to skip this scene of the movie, to watch a new one. “Stop calling him that, and I’d watch yourself, Yaser. You and I both know what’s gonna happen if you ruin this dinner.”

Zayn arches his eyebrow in confusion. What is his mother talking about? Whatever it is, it’s enough to shut his father up, a mere grumble leaving his lips. Zayn sits down at the table with his palm against his chin, waiting and waiting for Liam, for the one person who always brings a smile on his face in the worst situations. By the way his father is acting, Zayn could really use Liam’s presence right now.

Another few minutes pass, and by then, Liam is knocking at the door with Trisha opening it. “Hi, you must be Liam? Come in, please!”

“Hello Mrs. Malik. It’s wonderful to see you again,” says Liam charmingly like he always does, a gentleman by nature.

She leads Liam to the table with Zayn and Yaser both awaiting, Mr. Malik not even trying to hold the scowl on his face. Liam ignores it and leans out a hand to shake. “And you must be Mr. Malik? We never really got to talk the last time. The name’s Liam, pleasure to meet you.”

If it isn’t for the look Trisha gives Yaser, he wouldn’t shake Liam’s hand, but he does anyways. He doesn’t speak, just shakes. Then Liam turns to Zayn and automatically pulls him into a hug, only kissing him on the cheek because Zayn’s parents are around. Yaser cringes at the boy kissing his son.

“So what do you have prepared for us, Mrs. Malik?” asks Liam to spark up a conversation.

“Oh please, call me Trisha, I insist. I feel less old that way. And I just made some spaghetti,” she replies. “I hope that’s okay?” She piles everyone’s plates with food and hands them out one-by-one.

“This looks delicious, thank you Mrs‒ erm, Trisha.” Liam sprinkles some Parmesan cheese on top of his spaghetti before taking a bite and moaning in enjoyment.

Zayn grins because Liam is just so cute. He’s lucky to have such an amazing boyfriend; he’s handsome, well mannered, and just a ball of sunshine. His grin fades though when he looks down at his plate, the pasta and meatballs mocking him. (Better pass on the Parmesan, Zayn. You don’t wanna lose those thin thighs you’ve worked to achieve. Maybe just eat a decent amount, but go on a thorough run later? Oh please you fat fuck. Think of all the calories in that spaghetti!)

Once Trisha settles in her seat as well, she begins asking Liam some questions. “So how did you and Zayn meet?”

“Well... we uh go to the same school and one day we ended up having lunch together.” Liam makes sure to skip any details about parties or the rocky shít they went through.

“Ah, I see.” She takes another bite of her food before asking, “So how long have you two been going at it?”

“It took a while before Zayn and I really admitted our feelings for each other. We started dating in April, and next Monday is the beginning of June, so it’s been almost two months.” Liam takes a sip of the tea Trisha poured for everyone earlier and clears his throat a little. He eyes Zayn’s plate every so often and notices it’s only getting colder and none of the food is getting eaten (this breaks Liam’s heart because he feels like all he can do is watch Zayn destroy himself like a drug addict).

“I remember when Zayn told me had a boyfriend. I think I almost squealed! Aww, young love is so sweet. I wish I was seventeen again.” Trisha’s cooing makes Zayn red like the sauce on his spaghetti and flustered.

“Mum, I told you like last week. It wasn’t that long ago.” Zayn twirls his fork around in annoyance; he wants this dinner to be over already.

“Fag,” mutters Yaser underneath his breath, but this doesn’t go unnoticed. Trisha may have not heard, but the other two did. Zayn is just hoping Liam doesn’t say anything about it.

Liam clenches the fork in his hand and drops it to make a loud clank against the ceramic plate. “What did you just say?”

“I said: fag! You gotta problem with that, huh?!” Yaser’s eyebrows are furrowed, the creases on his forehead overlapping, and his veins are popping out of his skin.

“Yaser, please simmer down,” begs Trisha.

“Hell yeah I have a damn problem with that! I don’t care who you are! Don’t you dare call Zayn a faggot! He’s your fucking son and you need to treat him like so!” Liam tries to keep his composure, but Yaser’s attitude is making it difficult to do so.

“I can’t believe you have the fucking audacity to yell at me in my own house! Get the hell out you fucking homo! I don’t want you seeing my son ever again!” shouts Yaser, smacking his hand on the table.

“Dad, stop!” cries out Zayn.

His father looks over at him with cold eyes and throws Zayn’s own plate against the wall, the sauce smearing against the wall paint like blood. “Shut the hell up!”

Liam quickly brushes by Trisha and stands in front of Zayn, his fists ready in case he needs to take action into his own matters. “Lay a finger on him and I’ll chop your fucking hands off.”

“Get the hell out!” he repeats in a screech.

Zayn clings onto Liam and cries into his neck. “Liam, please go. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’m not leaving without you,” he says sternly to Zayn, pulling him out from hiding.

Zayn gives the scenario around him one last look and realizes it isn’t healthy. He can’t bring himself to be around a man he does nothing but bring him down. He can’t and he won’t. He grabs Liam by the hand and heads to the door with Yaser shouting, “Where the hell are you going?! Zayn!”

“Away from you! If Liam leaves, so do I!” The feeling of finally yelling back at his own father feels empowering to Zayn. He always coward away, but not this time. He’s through with being the punching bag; the fall guy; the number one target.

“Don’t you dare walk out that door! Zayn Javadd Malik!”

Liam opens the door and helps Zayn out, but Zayn pauses, grips the handle, and looks at his father. “Why?! Because you’re my father and can tell me what to do?! I lost my father the day he said I was beginning to look like Porky Pig while eating that pizza! Fuck you!” Zayn slams the door shut and lets Liam lead him to Karen’s car that she let Liam borrow.

Instead of running out the door to punch Zayn like he wanted to, Yaser stays put. Zayn’s words really hit him hard with the whole ‘losing his father’ bit. His son has never stood his own ground like that. What as the whole point of this fight? He gained nothing from it—in fact, he’s losing something from it now.

Trisha stands in front of Yaser with such disappointment and heartbreak. Tears are leaking from her eyes as she says in a raspy voice, “It’s too late, Yaser... You had one more chance. I’m sorry.”

~**~

The drive to Liam’s house is silent with just whimpers coming from Zayn, and their hands held tight over the clutch. Liam still can’t believe what he witnessed back there. He can’t even fathom what else Yaser has done to Zayn when no one’s watching. The thought makes his stomach churn and he tries to stop thinking about it. When they pull up, Zayn is hesitant to enter the house, but Liam would prefer they talk in somewhere more comfortable. He pulls Zayn close to him and they walk inside to see Karen drinking a glass of wine while watching her favorite TV show: Dance Moms. Even though Karen isn’t the best mother in the world, she still cares overall for her child, and when she sees Zayn with puffy eyes and Liam with a stunned expression, of course she’s going to be concerned.

“Zayn love, what happened?” she asks sympathetically.

All Zayn can do is smile weakly and Liam just shakes his head. “Now is not the time, mum.”

Liam and Zayn head upstairs and Karen says, “Tell me if you need anything then,” before going back to watching the program.

At first when they sit down on Liam’s bed, they stay quiet while Liam holds Zayn, but eventually Zayn talks. “Liam? D-Do I deserve all the things my father has said to me?”

The pang in Liam’s heart could do some serious damage to anymore; it hurts that bad. “Love, of course not. There’s nothing wrong with being gay at all.”

“He didn’t just make fun of my sexuality,” chokes out Zayn, biting his lip afterward.

“Well, what else did he do?”

“He made fun of my weight. He’d always call me fat and other nicknames, pinch my hips, make me skip dinner when I was thicker in middle school.” Zayn is now bawling and holding tightly onto Liam. “Am I... fa-fat-t?”

“No! Zayn, you’re one of the skinniest people I’ve ever seen. You’re thinner than me for God’s sake.” He kisses his tears away, not minding the salty taste. “You’re perfect.”

“He wasn’t always like this, my dad. He used be pretty decent, before I turned ten. I even thought he loved me back then. But as I got older, he started noticing my rather feminine behavior and well... it didn’t take a rocket scientist to realize I was gay. Then in middle school when my other cousins were getting girlfriend, my aunts and uncles would always ask, ‘got a girlfriend yet?’ Whenever I said ‘no,’ they’d all look at my weirdly like I was some sorta freak. Then I came out when I was twelve and they didn’t take it so well. I was isolated at parties, and my dad started calling me ‘faggot’ all the time. I was his only son and he wanted me to be the typical one that was all into sports and stuff like that.”

Liam can’t imagine what it’s like to spend your life unaccepted just because of your own sexuality. His mother has always been fine with Liam being gay because everyone is born with their sexuality (like their eye color or type of hair); it isn’t a lifestyle people choose.

Zayn finally pauses after his long speech and wipes his eyes. He wants to finally open up to Liam. “Mid-way through middle school, I realized I needed to do something about my weight. I was always thicker because I liked to eat. My mother always insisted that I looked fine, but my dad said otherwise. I started dieting and going on jogs, and by high school, it actually paid off. I lost a decent amount of weight, but I just couldn’t stop. I kept losing because... because I was scared. I thought if I lost weight my father would finally accept me, but he still hated me. I was still nothing but a faggot in his eyes, and even fat.”

Liam pulls Zayn’s head against his chest and balances the latter’s bottom on his knee. “Baby, what about your mum? Did she do anything about this?”

“Not really,” he sniffles. “Usually she’d just watch, and it made me hate her. Sometimes she’d beg my dad to stop, but most of the time she was silent.” Zayn looks into Liam’s eyes and says, “I don’t w-wanna talk about this anymore. It’s too painful to think a-about again.”

“I understand.” Liam kisses him again, but on the mouth this time. “Just remember I’m here for you, yeah? You can stay here as long as you need to. We only have two weeks of school left anyways.”

“Liam, I love you so much.” Zayn hangs his hands on Liam’s neck and pulls him down so they’re laying down together. “I need to cuddle my teddy bear to forget about what happened today.”

Liam chuckles and rubs Zayn’s back until he’s breathing quietly on his chest, signaling he’s asleep. “I love you too, Zayn,” he whispers with a coo. All the shít they went through today was worth Zayn finally opening up to Liam. He used to think Zayn was broken, but he’s just damaged, and Liam is going to be the one to repair him.

__________________________________________________________

Crap this chapter was long, but I think you deserve a long chappie! You’ve waited pretty long, so think of this as a reward. You’re lucky I get carried away smh.

This was one intense chapter, I’ll give myself that. I’m sure you all hate Yaser even more if that’s remotely possible? AND GO ZAYN! HE FINALLY TOLD HIS DAD TO SCREW OFF! YAY! I’VE WAITED SO LONG TO WRITE THAT!

I’M SO CLOSE TO 10K VOTES THANK YOU VVV MUCH. <33333

So what do you think about what Trisha told Yaser? What does it mean? That was kind of a cliffhanger, but it’ll be explained later in the story.

Comment #SaharIsSexy if you enjoyed this chapter because I didn’t have a valentine and I’m a desperate bitch. Thanks.

Dedication goes to @OhSnapItsZarry because she’s always eager for an update and I think it’s adorable. c:

Only about 5 more chapters... I’M SORRY OKAY. *hides*

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-Sahar