Broken Inside

69 - The Big Decision

Paul exhaled and said, "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" Alex asked him.

"I won't give your heart back," Paul said and Alex chuckled. She peered up at him and he was smiling affectionately. "It's mine, forever and ever."

"It's yours, forever and ever," Alex confirmed it and kissed him. 

Paul ran his hand over her body and asked, "When do you have to give your decision?"

"Caroline said I have until Friday."

"I'll talk to her to give you an extension," Paul said.

"Why would I need an extension?"

Paul leaned back against the chair and said, "I think you need to go back to New York for a bit."

"What? Why?" Alex asked, frowning.

"You haven't been back since you got here, right?" Paul asked her and she nodded. He pushed a stray hair away from her face and said, "Just go to New York for a few days, spend some time with your friends, go to the places that you've missed. Then come back and make your decision."

Alex sighed. "I can't just take another leave," she said to him.

"It won't be," he said. "Ask Ethan to line a few jobs for you. It will be a business trip."

Alex chuckled and said, "Clever, you found a loophole in the system."

"That's why I'm the boss," he said and grinned.

Alex chuckled and exhaled. "You're okay with me being gone for a few days?" she asked softly.

"No," he answered directly, "I'll be miserable. But I understand this is something you must do."

She smiled and said, "I love you."

"And I love you."

She lifted her head up and kissed him.

*****

Alex was excited to be back in New York. On her first night back, she had dinner with Ethan and Ian. Ian made his famous spaghetti seafood marinara, which reminded Alex of the first time she met Ian, that fateful night when Lola died from her heart attack. She felt wistful but quickly recovered as Ian told her the story of how Ethan botched their anniversary dinner when he burned the roast lamb. She could tell how much they were in love from the way they were looking at each other.

Neesha came into the city with Devan and Raj, and they had a picnic in Central Park. Alex loved watching them as a family. She looked at Neesha and remembered back when she was a party girl, going out each night and getting drunk with strangers. Now here she was, a wife to a wonderful man and a mother to the most adorable boy.

In between jobs that Ethan had lined up for her, Alex went to the places that she used to go to. She went to the dry cleaners in Brooklyn where she rented her first room when she got to New York. She went to the apartment where she started as a model. She visited the cafes, the restaurants, the food trucks that she used to love going to. Everything was just as she remembered. 

By the fourth night, she was lying in bed in her hotel room, wondering about her life. As much as she loved coming back to visit her best friends and going to the places she loved, it didn't bring her as much joy as she thought it would. She realised its because she had never done this before. 

All through her life, she had been constantly moving forward, from one place to another, never settling, always something new and exciting. She never went back. 

Being with Paul opens up a world of possibilities, but also a sense of belonging. She can finally settle down. Maybe even start a family of her own?