Glacial always wonders what her life's purpose is. She lives with a lot of doubts and hopelessness. But what happens when the girl, paralyzed by her past, meets people dealing with much more severe issues than she has? How will she spend the entire...
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As I was facing the huge-dimension mirror in front of me, I can't help but giggle while listening to one of my favorite songs that I have just discovered recently.
Nakakatawa lang isipin. How can we manage to live and to continue to breathe every day knowing we no longer know ourselves?
We all have dealt with the same issue, that's for sure. Minsan, hindi ko na lang tinitingnan sa hindi magandang anggulo ang pangyayaring ito, bagkus, hinahayaan ko na lang ang sarili ko na maging bukas sa maaaring kahantungan ng lahat—sa maaaring maging resulta ng paghihirap.
I'm staring at this strange lady in front of me.
Sino ba ako? I mean, yeah, I am aware of my existence, I am aware of my name, my body, but I am not sure who I am holistically. Dahil sa mga nangyari sa nakaraan, hindi ko na halos makilala ang taong nasa harapan ko, at hindi ko na rin alam kung paano ko pa haharapin ang hinaharap kung patuloy kong hahanapin ang sarili ko.
I stared at the flower vase containing a bouquet of already rotten roses. Kahit pala halos wala ng pakinabang sa 'yo ang isang bagay, o kahit halos hindi mo na makita ang kagandahan nito, hindi mo pa rin magawang ipagsawalang-bahala dahil sa mga alaalang nabuo dulot nito.
Ilang beses ko nang tinangkang itapon ang mga bulaklak, subalit ilang beses ko na ring natagpuan ang sarili kong kinukuha ito mula sa basurahan at pilit na ibinabalik sa dati nitong kinalalagyan.
How can we move forward if we're still paralyzed in the past?
"Tangina mo, self! Umayos ka. Hindi mo ba nakikita? Mukha ka nang tanga! Wala ka ng pangarap! Hanggang dito ka na lang ba? Magmumukmok ka na lamang ba habang buhay? Hindi ka maka-move forward kasi? Hindi mo makita rin ang worth mo. Oh my gosh, if you really can't be just happy and celebrate your present instead of bringing back the already burned out past, edi don't! But please, 'wag mo namang hayaang masira ang future mo!"
I can't resist shouting. Mabuti na lamang, soundproof ang kwarto at tulog na ang mga tao sa paligid ko dahil anong oras na rin naman.
Masyado nang nagiging boring ang buhay ko. I want to try something new pero hindi ko pa rin matukoy kung ano ba talaga ang dapat kong gawin at unahin.
I snapped out of my reverie when my phone rings. Oh, nag-set nga pala ako ng alarm. It's already 12 am.
"Can't you see, self? Birthday mo na. Bakit hindi ka masaya?"
I don't know who the heck is this monster wearing my skin. Alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ako ganito noon; masayahin akong tao, maraming pangarap, pero bakit hindi ko na matagpuan ang mga 'yon?
I heaved a deep sigh as I lighted up the candle in front of me. Kulay itim lang na kandila ang nakita ko sa drawer at hindi na ako nag-aksaya pa ng panahong bumili.
Mukha akong witch na ready na mangkulam, but who cares? It's my birthday. It's my day. So it's black day!
Inihain ko na rin ang cupcake na nakita ko lamang sa refrigerator namin kanina. Dali-dali kong itinusok ang kandila at pumikit nang mariin habang nag-iisip ng mga bagay-bagay.
As I think of my birthday wish, I opened my eyes and waited a few moments until I released my breath.
"Today, my paralysis ends. Today, self-care will be my top priority. I will be an advocate of my own betterment. No one can ever hurt me again."
Everything runs smoothly until a pop-up notification breaks the silence. It was a message sent via email.
I never thought that the message I received from it will definitely change everything at that point.
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Hello Glacial Keith.
We hope you're doing good today. We wrote this email to invite you to Project Betterment, a 30-day mission to help 12 youth individuals struggling with various mental problems. The goal of the program is to save lives. We also want to find a way to help you benefit from it.
We hope to see you there.
They don't know I need the help too. They have no idea how I manage the problem on my own.
But the most important thing they don't know was the life I made and the new hope I found as soon as the mission takes progress.
