Chapter VIII: Fatherhood

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        "So... Why are you here again?" I asked. Milo and I watched Santiago's guard make himself a plate of the lunch I cooked.

        "You wanted to take Milo to the park, correct?" Luciano grabbed a fork and sat with me at the table.

         I nodded.

         "Since Santiago couldn't make it, I thought I could be the second-best choice. I mean, I am the better Vicario anyway-" Luciano rambled, and was quickly cut off.

        "Y'all are brothers?" I interrupted him, driven by confusion.

        "God no. We're cousins." Luciano explained.

        I stayed silent and observed the man in front of me, much closer than I had ever before. Luciano was leaner and skinnier than Santiago. Instead of curly black hair, Luciano had a head of dark blonde curls. Luciano also had fewer tattoos. The only similarity was their mint green eyes. The two cousins looked so different, yet when I looked into Luciano's eyes there was a sense of familiarity.

        "We don't look similar do we?" Luciano took a bite of food before speaking, the corners of his lips turning up.

       "You do, in a way." I said and looked over at Milo. Milo was sitting a little bit away from us, watching a show on the t.v.

       "Well, I'm still better and when I'm done with this food I can drive you. I'm like the fun uncle." Luciano smiled to himself. "This food is very good by the way, thank you."

        "You're welcome" I leaned back in my chair and narrowed my eyes. He had such a bright and happy energy. But even then, I knew what his job was. His duality could be seen as frightening.

       Once Luciano was done eating, he drove us to Mercer Playground. It was a bit cold so Milo was bundled-up for the weather. He had on a puffy coat and fluffy gloves. Milo and I's hands were clasped together as we walked down the sidewalk, on our way to one of the playground structures. Luciano walked next to me, his hands in his coat pocket.

         "Why are you really escorting me." I quirked my brow and turned to face Luciano.

        He chuckled nervously, he probably wasn't supposed to tell me what was going on.

        "We have a bit of a... pest situation. Since Santiago is busy, he wanted me to make sure you were safe." He explained carefully.

        "And does this pest situation, put me or Milo in danger in any way." I asked, I could tell by the way that Luciano said pest that there were no actual animals involved.

         Luciano hesitated as he considered his words. "Not really, this is just precaution."

      "Precaution..." I trailed off, the word seeming bitter on my tongue.

      "So, how are you liking the new apartment?" Luciano asked, trying to do two things. Brighten the mood and change the subject.

       "It's nice. I've never slept in a more comfortable bed. Milo is enjoying his room too and he loves the bear Santiago bought him." I said.

       "Ahh, Santiago loved stuffed animals when he was younger. I used to tease him about it." Luciano recalled, a smirk gracing his face.

       I smiled at the statement. We had now reached the play structure. I could tell that Milo was excited, his eyes widening and his hand tightening on mine.

      "Have fun, but stay where I can see you and if you get cold, we can go home. Alright?" I smoothed my hand over his hair.

       Milo looked up at me with a patient smile, his blue eyes wide and glittering ever so slightly. He already looked healthier from the first time I had seen him. The sight made me happier than I could ever explain. He nodded at my statement and ran off to the primary-colored play structure. There was a little boy around Milo's age playing on the swings, he was smaller than Milo. Milo hesitantly approached him and waved.

        I watched the two, curious to see how Milo would interact with a kid his age. He still wasn't talking but as the minutes went by it was clear that he was being social, in his own way. The kid seemed very okay with the fact that Milo was non-verbal and lead him to the monkey bars. Luciano and I sat down on one of the park benches, getting settled.

      "Do you think you're a good parent?" Luciano said out of the blue. The statement seemed out of place from his previous carefree and happy demeanor.

       I thought for what felt like hours.

       "I'm not sure." I answered quietly and turned to face Luciano.

         The answer was completely honest. I tried the best I could, I wanted to give Milo the best life possible. Some may say I'm too young to take care of a child, but I had been forced to be an adult much younger than most. At this point in life, I had nothing to lose, I was stuck in the cycle of what kept me alive. But I didn't feel alive, I felt empty. Milo gave me something to truly fight for.

         "Sometimes I worry that I'm not good enough for him, that I made a bad decision. But what's done is done and the only thing that matters is Milo. So I will be the best parent I can until the day that I die." I continued.

        Luciano looked at me with a thoughtful expression. He nodded his head moments after, our eyes both traveling to the boy who had changed my life for the better. Luciano sighed quietly.

        "I want to be a father, but I don't want to bring my child into a world where they're in danger. I worry that I'll make a mistake because of my own selfishness." He confided in me, his voice darkening.

        "I don't think it's selfish to want a family." I turned to face him.

        We were silent for a few moments.

        "You barely know me but you are confiding in me." I commented.

        "I keep a small circle, many of them aren't the caring type. Santiago is caring, but he has enough to worry about. And I haven't mentioned it to my wife. I don't want her to think that I expect anything from her. Her career is just as important as mine." Luciano leaned his head back and stared up at the sky.

        "Your wife?" I questioned, confused for the second time of the day.

         "Qiang." Luciano smiled and showed me the wedding ring that lay on his ring finger. "I thought you knew."

          I shook my head and took in the information. In just a few hours I was learning so much about the people I had merely greeted in passing. The small pieces of information humanized the people who I had seen as threats. They still were dangerous, but I began to see them differently.

         "She probably won't mind if you mention it, clue her in on your worries. Isn't that what marriage is for, to love, care, and confide in your equal." I encouraged.

          Luciano simply nodded his head, his eyes glazing over with the thoughts that were probably going through his head. I turned away from him, my eyes catching on Milo. He looked happy, a smile on his face. These days he had been. It felt like a true victory to me, my heart swelling in my chest. Everything felt much too calm. Well, calm for me. Someone who lived their life off adrenaline. Now, I was to live my life off of love and an inevitable future.


authors note: hope y'all have a good morning, day, evening, or night! whatever it may be. <3

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