One Sided Love

Chapter 23

I can't remember who or what for, but I'm frantically looking for something in school. I went in and out of each classroom and turned the place upside down. The school was eerily quiet with no one in sight.

I was screaming and crying out but I couldn't make out what I was saying, everything was just a blur.

I was walking down the hallway when I heard someone chucking all around me, coming from every angle.

I ran down the corridor and turned a corner to see Mr Kyle. He was smiling at me. He motioned for me to come closer. I shook my head so much it made it throb in pain.

All of the sudden Mr Kyle had Oliver in front of him with his arm around his neck. "I told you I was going to kill him" he spoke in a menacing voice.

I screamed and pleaded as Mr Kyle held a gun up to Oliver's temple and I loud BANG echoed down the hallways I opened my eyes not even realising I had shut them. Expecting to see a body I was surprised to see nothing before me. The chucking started again and I searched once more.

I turned a corner to see Mr Kyle again but this time with Lou.

The same happened again and again with everyone I care for.

My eyes snap open and I finally woke up from the same nightmare that had been haunting me for weeks. My bed was damp due to the amount I had been sweating. My pillow was soaked from my tears.

I feel like I'm slowly going insane. I feel on edge, like I'm going to break at any moment.

I have bruises but not from him. I have scratches but he didn't do them.

I did.

Why? I don't know but it clears everything out of my mind. Its distinct, it wipes away all the confusion and replaces it with one, just one thing, one feeling.

Pain.

I'm doing something I never thought I'd do, harm myself purposely. My whole life, it's never come close to being in my head but now, all this shit with Mr Kyle, he's done this, he's breaking me mentally. Bit by bit.

I hurt myself to help myself. How fucked up is that? But it's the only thing that seems to help. The only thing that helps me focus, calm down. I no longer recognise myself in the mirror.

My eyes have dulled and no longer contain life. My smiles cease's to exists. My arms bare my mental torment, self-harm plasters my biceps with small curved lines from my nails.

———

Another week has passed in a blink of an eye. I've managed to convince Mr Kyle to stop giving me 'detentions' every break time because mum was starting to get mad, I agreed to come willingly.

'I agreed to come willingly'. None of this is 'willingly'

I spend lunch in the toilets. I've not spoken to anyone from the gang since I broke up with Oliver and he's not spoken to me. I just know he hates me.

I moved away from them in lessons as well, apart from Science, I have to sit next to Oliver because there aren't any available seats for me to move to. I tried to get Jacob to swap but he refused.

Every time I look at them, every time I look at mum and Lou, every time I even look towards the principle's office, every time I want to run away, fight back, hit him, scream at him. I picture him holding a gun to their heads.

I walk through the hallway to my locker, I keep my head down, my chin practically touching my collarbone as I watch my feet take each step.

I get to my locker and when I open it, I'm faced with a rose.