Temporary Love

Eighteen: 1 New Message

Ally

"Ally!" Monica yelled as she shook my shoulder. "Hello? Are you with me?"

"Sorry, I didn't hear you." I lied. Monica has this high pitch voice that you cannot ignore, especially if you were within her vicinity. But, I was elsewhere.

"Are you okay? How was New York?" Monica lowered her voice with a concerned look in her eyes. She stood next to me, watching me towering the glasses on top of each other.

"We ended it," I confessed. An audible sigh escaped me. A relief in disguise.

"Oh hun, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I think I'm okay. It had to be done. If I stayed, I will always wonder what if and I don't want to live the rest of my life regretting the things that I didn't pursue. I love Nick, you know that. But I needed to find myself and I couldn't find it with him. And neither could he."

I stared blankly at the dark tiled floor as those words sunk in. I couldn't find it with him. It was the hardest thing to say out loud and I knew I hurt him with those words, but I needed to be honest.

"And he cheated on you," she added. I felt the stinging sensation of the salt sprinkled on my wound, reminding me of that glorious part of our relationship. "Look, you don't have to explain yourself to me," Monica squeezed my shoulder as if she was taking the negative energy off of me.

"It wasn't all of his fault, I —."

"Can you stop defending him? I don't give a shit what you might have said to him that made him do it. He still cheated." Megan shook her head with a frown directed at me.

But it wasn't just what I said to him. It was what I did to him. To us.

"Honestly, I just want to focus on myself. Lately, I've been thinking about all the things I should be doing while I'm young and I felt like I couldn't do it when I was with Nick. I still love him, but I don't think I'm in love with him anymore. All I know is that I want more. Does that make me selfish? Because that's how I feel. A selfish bitch."

"Nope! Putting yourself first is never selfish. In fact, I think it's an act of bravery." She smiled with reassurance.

"Ahem." The clearing of a hoarse throat made me and Megan jump for our lives. We both gasped for air as we turned around and saw Ryan standing behind us. How long has he been there? How much did he hear?

"We've got customers," he said as he glared towards the front door and back at us.

"Sorry," I apologized and quickly walked away towards the entrance to attend to the customers.

I worked as a server that first night I came back from my vacation. I received a text from Ryan with my work schedule for that week and my promotion from stepping off of the podium and onto the floor. I was getting the hang of it. I enjoyed it more than being a hostess. It was more engaging and fun. But the tip was definitely a big part of my enjoyment.

It was such a busy night that I barely had any time to stop and check my phone. I purposely silenced it the whole day because every time I checked for a new notification, I found myself drowning in a sea of disappointment as I stared at the empty ocean waves screensaver.

I had an hour and half left before we closed. I couldn't wait to drop dead on my bed and not feel a damn thing. I just wanted to be numb. But I couldn't help it. I was ready to feel the same dissatisfaction I had been feeling the whole day. To my surprise, a tingling sensation flowed through my chest as I re-read that one worded message on my phone.