𝑬𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕

19

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It was already dark outside. 

My feet were on the seat of the banquette, my arms wrapped around my knees and my head against the headrest. Slow but smooth alternative country music was playing in the empty diner.

I was at Queen of Hearts, a small diner that wasn't far from home. I normally went there whenever I was craving for their food - especially their fries, pancakes, waffles, and custard cake. It was a nice place to go to when I was working on some rough drafts for new ideas with my art and doing my schoolwork, or whenever I wanted to get away from home to think and clear my head - especially in the evening, when it was less hectic with less people.

And that was why I was there - to think and clear my head.

It wasn't too long after what happened at home and there was a lot to think about and process.

I knew Maren was trying to help fix the tension between Matthew and me. I understood that she did that to it push me to face the problem instead of avoiding it and waiting for it to resolve itself, but she could have had the decency to respect my space and understand that I didn't want to do it then when I told her. She knew that I was the type of person who never liked rushing, preferred to take one step at a time and do things on my own time and at my own pace.

But then again, I couldn't hold it against her because she didn't know what was going on and what caused the tension in the first place. If she did, she would have known where to draw the line and respect my space until such a time she felt I wasn't going to do anything about it.

I DIDN'T FORCE YOU TO SLEEP WITH ME! YOU BASICALLY OPENED YOUR LEGS TO ME! 

My hands curled into fists. Gripping the sleeves of my hoodie tightly, I swallowed the lump in my throat.

I knew his words shouldn't have affected me the way they had when he said them. I didn't have the right to be offended by them because what happened that night was in the heat of the moment. We both got carried away and it wasn't supposed to mean anything, but it did. His words weren't supposed to cut so deep, but they did.

But why?

Was it because of the curiosity that sparked a small attraction towards him?

Was it because he was easy to talk to about anything without any judgement?

Was it because even though he couldn't relate to how I felt about my mother's death, he actually took the time to listen to me and encouraged me to see the positive over the negative?

Was it because of the way he made me feel that night?

The way he kissed every part of me like I was a valuable treasure. How our bodies were in sync with one another.

"Hey." Someone broke me out of my train of thoughts.

I looked up and saw Maddy standing next to me. "Hey. What are you doing here?" I asked, sitting up straight.