Gone Girl

Chapter 61

One week later

I haven't told Derek about James threatening me and I've been trying to hide from Olivia, to show her I'm not talking to Derek or seeing him.

Dominic is throwing a party right now and I am not sure if I should go but I want to thank Shanice for helping me when I overdosed, I know I shouldn't drink and do drugs, and not only because Derek asked me, but for my own good.

I'm putting on a dark blue dress and I already told Derek I'm going.

I told my mom I'm going to Louis' house, just to change it up since I said Nicole the last time. I changed into the dress after she went to bed so I'm already 'late' for the party.

I know Nicole and Louis aren't going, which is better. I seriously don't want to see them.

I told Derek to park a bit further in case my mom lurks through the curtains.

I go out and I pass my neighbor's house, looking for Derek's new car.

He is waiting near it, and when he sees me, he immediately comes to me.

I give him a quick peck on the lips and we get inside the car. I'm getting used to us.

I try to brush off bad thoughts but it's hard, sometimes it's stronger than me and I end up thinking: "when is it gonna end?"

I hate myself for it.

"Whose car is this?" I ask Derek while he puts his right hand on the steering wheel, leaving the parking lot.

"You know the condition..." he warns me and I roll my eyes. Right. I ask one question, and I answer his question.

"Fine. Ask me first, though." In this case, I can refuse to answer before having him answer one.

"Why did you lie that you didn't care about me after- after I saw you with Alex in bed?" he asks and I'm caught off guard. It's been so long since then, I didn't expect this question but it's something he thinks about and I know it bothers him.

"Uhm, I was scared of my feelings for you-" I clear out my throat. "And I knew it would make it easier for you to get over me," I admit because I need to know whose car is this, and why did he change it.

"It wasn't easier, believe me," he mutters as he reaches to grab my hand and I let him, while he keeps driving and not taking his eyes off the road.

I analyze his features for a bit and he seems concerned.

"And you aren't scared now?" he questions me unsure.

He told me he won't tolerate any more of the pull and push games I did. He certainly thinks I'd do it again and I despise how right he is.

"I'm terrified- but... it's stronger than me." I swallow the knot in my throat and I look out of my window.

I feel his eyes on me and I try to ignore his gaze. I admitted something I've been holding in myself for so long and it's not even all the truth. There is so much more. Too much.

I wonder if he is going to think less of me if I tell him everything.

"I'm not leaving you," he reassures me and I nod, turning my face to him.

"I promised to be honest. It's one of Felix's cars," he says and my eyes widen, my heart skips a beat when I hear that name.