Oumasai/Saiouma [ONE SHOTS]

Love me...? {Angst}

I always wondered what love was.

Was it when my parents tell me that they love me?

Telling me they are there for me when all they do is turn away and ignore me?

I was never sure.

But then he came along and I never thought that this feeling would ensue in my heart.

Staying up into the late hours of the night as my eyes got droopy to talk to him.

To make sure he felt all the love I wanted to give him.

I love him more than anything and wanted to keep him safe.

I wanted to hold him in my arms and kiss him all over his face.

But this would never come true because we knew each other across the screen.

Never seeing each other when we did not wish to be seen.

But here we are for the three fine days we were together.

Always talking.

You laughed while you were happy.

While I cried because somehow the one I love was making me feel...so crappy.

I wondered why.

Why every time we talked over the phone--
All I wanted to do was cry.

But after some time I thought this through.

Now seeing how the love I wanted,

Was a wish that would never come true.

You wanted my attention.

My eyes to be on you.

But you only gave affection.
When I was dying to be heard.

I know my feelings are complex and hard to understand.

But a relationship is all about that.

Being heard,

And hearing the same.

Not treating love,

As just your wretched game.

So now I see after talking to the ones who care about me,

That you weren't good for me,

No one ever seems to be.

I wish it wasn't true,

And I really did want to love you,

But this love to you,

Was never seen as something true.

Just another lie to mess with my heart.

Causing me to remember all my scars.

Know that I meant every word I said,

Even when we broke and you told me you would be better off dead.

Wishing that you would stay safe,

Only to hear it was just a small mistake.

Am I the mistake you made or the other way.

I don't know if this is how my life decays.

Because yet again my skies begin to fade.