𝕒𝕥𝕥𝕒𝕔𝕜 𝕠𝕟 𝕥𝕚𝕥𝕒𝕟。incessant ending ~ 「Levi x reader」

Chapter 9

One day, during a meeting before practice, I was taking notes to remember what I was hearing. Everything I found important, I jotted down quickly. I was very concentrated, but then I heard a voice, "Ms. L/N, what are you doing?" the speaker announced.

"I-I'm writing some of the things you're saying down. Ya know, taking notes," I answered.

"What are you gonna do in a battlefield, pull out your notes?"

"No, sir. I'm going to study so that I can remember easier."

"Alright then," he continued his speech.

A quick, almost shaky breathe exited my lips. As if things couldn't get any worse, my anxiety started kicking in so I began playing with my pen. I picked up that habit through time, fidgeting usually seemed to be somewhat helpful. Eventually, Levi grabbed my hand tightly and took the pencil out of my hand. "Am I bothering you" I asked, my eyes shining with nerves.

"I don't like the sound of pens clicking," he replied without any sort of emotion in his face.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I looked down at the floor under my table.

"You're fine, just don't do it again," a hint of a smile forming in his eyes.

"Alright," I giggled slightly, quiet enough that the man performing his speech couldn't hear.

The man's words felt like they continued forever, I almost started drifting off to sleep. After the seemingly long meeting, my squad and I started practicing. Even experts need practice sometimes. We all ran on top of rooftops and one of them was very steep. Unfortunately, I couldn't hold on to the side of it so I had to run on the very narrow top. I struggled but kept pushing, slowly. "Hurry up, Y/N," Levi called.

"I can't, I'm gonna fall!" I responded as I wobbled back and forth, attempting to prevent myself from doing so.

"No you're not, just hurry," Oluo said impatiently.

    I had never been on top of one of these buildings before. I, quite clearly, didn't have very good stability. I was becoming more wobbly by the second and eventually I couldn't hold on any longer. "I'm gonna fall!" I shouted as my teetering increased. Everyone looked back at me as I slipped and slid down the slide of the building. All of a sudden, Soldier Oluo caught me and said, "yeah, we need to work on your balance." That sentence made me laugh. It was quite obvious, but still accurate.

"Indeed," Levi stated.

    I felt like such a burden, I only ever held back Levi's squad 24/7. What use did I have to this talented group of people that were so unlike me. I was clumsy, childish, annoying, awkward, and incompetent. I truly didn't belong, did we even work together well? Maybe it was all in my mind, was I just being over dramatic?

    We practiced balance and I improved a lot. I learned that running on top of a rooftop faster makes it easier to stay stable. I was indebted to them for helping me so much. I didn't think that anyone understood how thankful I was for them. For everything that Levi and his squad did for me, they had a special place in my heart.

    We were hyped about my small success after practice, but then the wave of guilt came rushing in. Was I really that much of an encumbrance? Did I really matter or was I just another soldier added to the pile of dead men and women? Was I just a waste of time, training for a destiny that's already been decided for me? Maybe I was just another weak person, just another diversion or pawn. Did I even have any significant value? Either way, I was still useful in some way. My powers and abilities made up for my clumsiness.

    I suddenly became really quiet. All I could think about is if I even mattered to anyone there. Was I worthless or even forgettable? There were so many other talented people, I was sure I just blended in. I had already trained so hard and I didn't know what else I could do to improve. I felt really lost and didn't know how to get myself out of my head. Thoughts were just endlessly racing through my mind. Immediately, I felt someone touch my shoulder. "Are you alright?" Levi asked with a fairly worried look on his face.

"Yes, of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" I said trying to hide my feelings, plastering a half-assed fake smile onto face.

"You know, you can be a pretty bad liar. Maybe we should work on that as well," he chuckled.

"First of all, I'm fine. And second, I'm a great liar. How would you know if I was lying?" I crossed my arms.

"Wanna talk for a bit?"

"Uh sure," I sat down next to him.

    Was I really that bad of a liar? "So, why are you so anxious right now?" He asked.

"How did you know that I was anxious?" I questioned.

"I had a feeling... are you going to answer the question now, dork?"

"Well, I feel so useless and that I hold you guys back... you and your squad would be so much better off without me. I literally had to practice to become slightly less clumsy, key-word is slightly," I hit my forehead.

"Hey, I chose you to be on my team for a reason. You're not as horrible as you say," he comforted me. I didn't quite believe him. How was I supposed to know if anyone was lying to me? I wanted him to know how much I honestly appreciated him though. After a few seconds of silence, I spoke, "thank you, Levi, for everything! It means a lot to me..." I said with a smile on my face. He smiled back and rubbed the back of his neck before saying, "You don't have to thank me. Anyway, I'm going to go to bed... I'll see you tomorrow. And make sure to get some sleep."

"You too. Goodnight." I laughed.

    Talking to Levi was like letting go of all worries and just living. He gave me such a euphoric sensation, ridding me of all agony or distress. He made me feel carefree and safe. It was almost like I was drawn to him no matter how hard I tried to pull away. I couldn't imagine a world without him.

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Thank you so much for reading my story so far! Please, if I have any errors or you have any questions, feel free to comment! I hope you enjoy the rest of the book..  Anyways, stay safe everyone! :)