End of the Day (Mystique Trilogy 1) (COMPLETED)

Chapter 25

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

tw: death, mention of suicide 

I stayed in my brother's unit. Thankfully, the hotel management knows me. I also told them to keep my information private even to my friends and family. Ayaw ko muna silang makita. I am too devastated and hurt to face them. I don't even know if I have the strength to do it. Will my father fully hate me after what I did? Will I be able to stand tall again?

My brother knows that this day will come, so I have some of my things and clothes here. He has seen this day coming, he knows that in one way or another, I will leave that house and cry here. I have my money and my phone, so maybe this will be enough until the end of a week or two. Kakayanin ko naman, 'di ba? I can do this. Just for a week. Clear your mind.

I charged my cellphone before taking a nap. It's already midnight when I checked in. Nagising ako ng alas-tres at hindi na uli nakatulog. I took a bath and dressed myself up since I still have classes. I looked at myself on the mirror, forced myself to smile, but a tear escaped my eye. It damn hurts so much. I'm partially at fault, but it is something I could never redo. It is already done, I have nothing left to do.

I grabbed my phone on the side table, and I saw texts, missed calls, messages, emails, and notifications that flooded my phone. Iisang tanong lang ang common sa bawat sender nito: 'Are you okay? Where are you?' Kapag ba sinabi ko ang totoo, mababawasan ba nito ang bigat na nararamdaman ko?

I pity myself so much. I am selfless when it comes to others, but I am selfish to myself. I hinder myself from opening up to others with the fear that no one would ever understand, that no one will be able to help me other than myself. If I open up, I know it will reduce the heaviness, but I don't want to be added to somebody else's problems. Sinasaktan ko lang din ang sarili ko, oo, alam ko 'yon. Siguro ma-pride ako dahil kinikimkim ko 'to, pero anong magagawa ko? I would rather hurt myself than to hurt others. They have nothing to do with my problems, this is between me and my emotions.

"Miss Arellano! This problem can be solved by a grade three student! Are you with us these past few days? Focus on the lesson! Sit down!" My professor shouted. I looked down and took my seat. I sighed heavily and bit my lower lip to stop myself from shaking. I saw Yana looking at me, so I smiled at her and mouthed that everything's fine.

"Goodness! Do your assignments and pass it tomorrow! Class dismiss!" Our professor shouted and left the room with anger visible on his face. My classmates turned to me, and I saw how angry they were. I know it's my fault, alam kong may recitation kami sa Calculus ngayon at hindi ako nag-review. I spent the night crying and clearing my mind and reviewing for Calculus slipped out.

Well, could they blame me? If they were in my shoes, will they live properly? Bakit parang kasalanan ko pang hindi ko nasagot ang tanong na 'yon? Some of my classmates couldn't even answer some questions that an elementary student can! Bakit noong ako ang hindi nakasagot parang wala na 'kong naisagot na tama? Is it because of their standard or their perspective of me? Did they think that I could answer every question because I am smart?

Being smart isn't always about the academic intellect of a person. Being smart can also be seen when solving a problem. Kung paano mo ito sosolusyunan at kung paano mo ito matatapos. Unfortunately, I'm not smart to handle everything on my plate. I wasn't smart enough to foresee this kind of mess. I wasn't smart enough to prevent all of this from happening.

Lunch came, I stayed on the classroom, eating the takeout burger from a restaurant. I stared at the blackboard since I'm alone here. I forced Yana to eat without me at the canteen. Kael was at the garden of the school while Monica's absent today. My friends were hesitant to leave me here, but they finally gave in when they saw my wanting to be alone.