Suddenly, we start again (Toruka Story english) 2.

Chapter 21

The room was as quiet as a mouse. A pin would certainly have been heard falling to the floor if Miyu hadn't always tucked them all neatly into her dress-up doll.
Maho was already sitting upright by the bed, sipping a glass of water and trying to figure out how to proceed. She didn't expect to get into this situation. That's why she was now blaming herself and regretting her decision to listen to her girlfriend April.
The American wanted to make an unforgettable event out of it, a big thing that would inform everyone about the state of their affairs, but at the moment, instead of a joyful announcement, it looked like someone had been carried to the grave. There was no more music, neither children, nor adults shouting because most of them went to their rooms or said goodbye to the master of the house.

The celebration was over, even before the highlight was reached.

Toru knelt beside the bed where he had carefully laid Maho earlier. His head was resting on his arms, and his face was hidden under his long blond hair. It was like a punch on the head, he felt. At first, he thought April was joking, but Takuyan finally confirmed his questioning look. After that, everything in his mind was blurred into a thick fog. He didn't know how to react, couldn't explain what he had felt at that moment when Taka ran away in panic. Was it disappointment or fear? Joy? Pride? Nothing pointed to this special event, everything was going as usual, or had he ignored something? And the wedding? ...In the end "only" because of that?

"Toru ... honey, ... I'm so sorry." She put the glass on the nightstand, took his hand and squeezed it gently. "It was a mistake, a stupid mistake of mine. You were supposed to be the first to know, ... not April." Slowly he stirred, lifted his gaze and looked at her wearily through the tangled strands. But he smiled, trying to suppress the emotion, and intertwined his fingers with hers.

"No, no mistake ... I treated April so badly today. If only I had known ..." He looked down at her waist and gently placed Maho's and his hands on it. "She was so upset, I rebuked her, thinking only of myself and ..." A small pause arose, but the name was not spoken. A sigh came over his lips, which sounded so painful, as if any more words might cauterize his throat. 
"I tried, wanted to include him, as my partner, as we discussed. Two couples ... a wedding, a family ... and then ... suddenly you're pregnant." It didn't sound either accusatory or angry, more like stunned overwhelmed by the new situation. Carefully, he stroked her stomach and seemed dreamy as he said, "Just once ... just this once." Slightly shaking his head, he still couldn't understand.

'I always had Taka in front of my eyes. Hearing his voice, seeing his deep brown eyes, feeling his closeness ...',

The memory of the evening with Maho came over him. 'The song, Pierce, which played in the background. The kiss ... one thing led to another ...' The thought of it was so real, so genuine. Whether it was fate, or Maho had influenced it in some way, it no longer mattered.
At that time, he had been so ashamed, he had wanted to forget the incident, to simply undo it, but ... he fulfilled exactly the wish of his friend. Never in his life did he think of such a wonder. He had fathered a child, his own. So, ... shouldn't he be cheering loudly with happiness?
'But what did Taka mean by the words, a lot has happened in a year? He has something to tell me. Possibly he has found someone. ... Could it be?'

"Do you want me to talk to him?", asked Maho quietly, knowing that he was looking in the past for a solution.
"No,", was the first thing he said in reply, without thinking. Toru seemed to be reflecting, but now even the heated conversation on the terrace made more sense and April's nervousness, which she tried to erase with too much wine. The blonde American must have let Takahiro into the secret, it couldn't be any other way.
"It won't be necessary anymore. ... He already knows ... from April. I think he's finally given in now, resigned to seeing me in a relationship, ... having fathered a child, ... becoming a father." He quickly wiped at his tired eyes to hide the first wet tracks, but it was impossible to hold back the tears of his helplessness.

"I have fulfilled every demand, ... done everything, only to lose him in the end. Life is cruel and doesn't play by our rules. How could I think I had found a way to win him over? It's absurd. Taka never thought much of patchwork families. I was so convinced, yes, really blind about this idea, but ... water doesn't flow against the current, after all." He paused for a moment and continued in a shaky voice: "Taka told me I had to take responsibility. ... And he is right ... You can count on me. I promise to always be there for you, April and ... the baby. Even if our marriage exists only on paper, our child will grow up with a mother and father." He clutched her fingers so tightly that the white of her knuckles stood out, afraid Maho might dissolve at any moment, as if she were only a mirage, a hallucination of his thoughts. There was no doubt in the seriousness of his words. From today on, she and the unborn in her stomach, was his center, the support and meaning in his life. Even if his heart was bleeding in the process and he wished so much to recapture him, he would let him go.

Their eyes met and Maho noticed with dismay, the endless emptiness and sadness in his eyes. She could not and would not allow this whole ordeal to start all over again. As a psychiatrist, she hadn't done anything she could, to give up now. Their marriage couldn't start like this, it wouldn't.
"Listen to me, Toru. You are the most loving person I have met, and I know I can depend on you 100%. Through you, I have learned to trust again. Without your patience, we would not be here now, not this far, as a very special family. April, the baby and I, with you and ... please don't lose your faith in Takahiro, ... never give up on him."
She tried her best, but her husband again lowered his head to his intertwined fingers and sobbed softly. "Everything will be all right, believe me. He'll listen to us." With light pressure of her free hand on his shoulder, she signaled him to get up, wanting to cheer him to take a small step forward. "Let's go, ... we're looking for him ... now." But the blond silently denied and made no move.

A bundle of misery knelt before her, like a year ago in the clinic. What all could a man take? How many times could he be robbed of his illusions, his heart broken, until he perished? That tiny step between good and evil, between the ideal world and scattered shards had long, since been reached. Toru again wandered on the level of despair, on the verge of falling into darkness.
His depression, after the separation from his friend and the breakdown, with the many memories and the experiences in space, with Mori, his alien. The hardships without a wheelchair, the pushy american girl, Hichan's games and finally the transformation and return to earth by Takuyan, the genius was severe enough.
The blond had suffered so much that at first, she thought it impossible to break open his petrified shell to get at his broken insides. It was hard enough to accept all that. But now, as an expectant father, his life was taking another turn.

Maho didn't doubt the functionality of their relationship. Takahiro had come here with an intimate love in his heart. Everyone could see it, even if most called it a show, and even if his entrenched outlook on life could not yet come to terms with this situation, he was still a guest at this wedding.
Everything would end up well, she was sure. Just one conversation with him should be enough ... preferably right now.