Golden [h.s.]

72. memories

🎵rEaR vIeW — ZAYN

"I think it's a bad idea," Jax says with a shake of his head. He purses his lips as he thinks, shaking his head again.

"Me too, Ella," Lydia agrees, looking at me apologetically. She twiddles with her fingers, the aqua blue of her nailpolish matching her irises.

"You know what you're doing, Ella, we should all just let her do it if she's set on this," Brad speaks up, looking at Jax and Lydia.

It's Friday evening. Jax and Lydia came back down yesterday night after Brad spoke to them. After Harry left my apartment, I broke down.

Not in tears — in anger. I shattered liquor bottles at the wall, screaming in frustration.

I've never been one to be violent when I was upset, but I was so fed up. I couldn't believe that once again, Harry made me feel crazy. I just wanted to pull my hair out of my head, there was no way I allowed myself to be put into this position again. I allowed myself to believe him, but his words are just that.

Just words; his actions have proven that to me.

Brad came back to my apartment a few hours after he first left to check up on me. He found me sitting amidst the broken glass, the mascara running down my face.

That was when he called Lydia because I was in hysterics, bawling my eyes out. It hurt. It hurt to know that we came back to one another, however short of a time that it was, and he didn't change, not one bit.

It hurts because I love him, I love him, I love him so fucking much. But it isn't enough for me to stay. It hurts, because I know he's a good man. The world loves him.

He just isn't good for me.

I've since collected myself, and I mentioned to my friends that I'd just want to speak to Harry once more before he leaves. Not to crawl back to him; he doesn't deserve it, but I want him to know that I don't hate him. Maybe he doesn't even deserve that, but it's something that I need to do for myself.

I'll always love him, I don't think that'll ever go away. But, it's evident that we aren't right for each other.

"I still have his apartment key," I mumble to my friends. We're all huddled around Lydia's kitchen table in her apartment. I feel like a child who just got in trouble with their parents — only instead of two, I have three.

"So we'll take it to him," Jax speaks up.

I can feel Lydia's eyes on me and I glance up, meeting her gaze. She stares at me hard, her bright blue eyes studying my own.

"This is something Ella needs to do," she suddenly speaks. Both Brad and Jax turn to her in surprise, but my best friend's gaze doesn't leave mine. She gives me a small smile and I force a smile back.

"I can read you like a book, you know that." She turns to Jax. "We'll take her, we'll wait outside."

"Is that alright with you, Ella?" Brad asks me softly and I nod quickly.

"Can we go now?" I ask, glancing at the time. I want to get it over with. Besides, I don't know what time he's leaving for London.

We all quickly get up from the table, grabbing our coats and jackets. I've had the key in the pocket of my jacket since that night at his apartment; I haven't taken it out since.

When we get outside, Lydia turns to Jax. "I think I should be the one to take Ella, can I borrow your car? We can meet you two after back at Brad's place."

Jax immediately agrees without any hesitation, passing his car keys over into Lydia's palm. He kisses her cheek before turning to me, wrapping me in a large bear hug.

"You got this, Ella," he says into my hair, giving me a gentle squeeze. "You know you just have to say the word, and I won't sell any of his albums down in the record shop."

This makes me smile and I laugh as he pulls away. Brad comes over, wrapping an arm around me.

"We'll see you after, okay?" He says softly, giving my hand a soft squeeze and I nod in reply. Lydia's already seated in the driver's seat and I climb into the passenger side, grateful for the seat-warmers in Jax's car.

Brad and Jax wave us off as Lydia speeds off. I feel a sense of pride surge in me — I really do have the greatest friends. Without them, there's no way I could even be doing this right now, there's no way I would be able to handle all of this on my own.

Especially the girl beside me. I turn to look at Lydia, who's usually prattling along with some story, but she's silent now. Her hands are on the wheel, her blue eyes focused on the street ahead of us.

She may not be saying anything, but she quickly reaches over to squeeze my hand with hers. A signal. There's no words needed to be said. The squeeze meant, you got this, I'm here.

Sitting here in the car, the most pressing memories seem to flash by in my head, the way that the lights and stop-signs are flashing by as Lydia drives.

"Have a drink with me."
That very first night at The Crimson, when he and his friends came in. That was our first meeting...the way we danced to Fleetwood Mac, the way he looked so lively...

"Seeing that Fate wants us to be well-acquainted..."
That early morning in Central Park, running into each other for what felt like the millionth time. Little did I know, we'd run into each other so many times more after, a play by Fate itself.

"What are you doing to me, Aurelia?"
His soft whispers as we stood in that park, where he surprised me by taking me to the see the full moon. The night we shared our first kiss; I remember my skin feeling as thought it would blaze off my bones.

"It's almost if you were made from the lights of both of them, my sun and moon..."
The night he asked me to be his girlfriend. The moonlit dinner; the telescope; the feeling of euphoria that coursed through me knowing that he was finally mine, I was finally his. His sun and moon...my fingers reach up to clutch the necklace he gave me; it's never left my neck since he first put it on me.

"You are the light of my life, my golden girl, and I'm in love with you."

"Ella, we're here," Lydia says, interrupting my thoughts. I'm grateful, I don't think I could have handled thinking of that memory specifically.

"Are you ready?"

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
i think i'll have the next chapter up later, not too sure but we'll see!

we're right at the end! 2 chapters left? including the epilogue...i'll give more details on the sequel then!

in the meantime, i've started a dark harry fic called Divine! the prologue and chapter 1 are up, so if that interests you at all please take a look! i'll be updating that too!

loveeeee,
ashley