Blind to love

flashback

Callie pov 

Waking up theres only one thing on my mind and thats how I haven't gone and seen kai grave yet but if I did then I would know he's gone for good and isn't coming back, I know thats childish but I just haven't worked up the courage to go, he meant everything to me just for him to go like that, we had a plan. Sitting on the edge of the bed I look at the photo of me and kai, the one he taken on the day that he purposed, I have a huge smile on my face and kai is looking at me like I'm the only girl in the world, we was happy. Climbing out of bed I quickly throw on a pair of running shorts and t-shirt wanting to get out the house before I see more photos of me and kai smiling, I don't have it in me to taken them down, not when he meant so much. Closing the door on my leave I head behind my apartment needing the run to let my emotions go, I would scream at the top of my lungs if I could but I haven't found a place where I can do that without getting looks my way, the town has eyes everything and judges you. Without ear phones in I listen try to listen to the outdoors as I run knowing I hate the silence but I have to let go off being afraid at some point, I just need to be pushed but there isn't anyone who knows me as well to push me so  that leave myself to do the work, looking around as I jog I slowly speed up needing the workout letting the cold air hit my face, its a lovely day for a jog but theres one thing stuck in my mind I have to do and thats let kai go. I couldn't say goodbye when we buried him, I sat there in tears and listened to everyone speech.

Reaching my house in record time I head into town instead of walking inside for a shower that I'm in desperate need for, I smell like a wet dog and have sweat pouring from my forehead, and I cant forget what I'm wearing, a sweaty t-shirt with shorts. Heading to the flower shop for some flowers for kai grave I look around already knowing what flowers I'm getting, kai always loved a certain flower as every time we went he would pick a bunch of flowers for me but put one single flower he liked with them, kai was a perfect kind of gentlemen. Looking around the shop I spot the flowers not sure which size to get theres so many different sizes to choice from, picking up a bunch I head to the front desk ready to pay before going home and quickly grabbing a shower ready to visit kai grave.

"welcome to your local flower shop, we offer a delivery service for a small price if your interested" I hear a women say before coming to the desk with a smile on her face, I haven't seen her around but thats probably because I don't go anywhere apart from to the garage and for a jog. Trying not to think about everything I shake my head before grabbing my bank card from behind my phone, but before I can pull it out I spot a familiar face in the back room

"These must be for a special someone, I wish someone would buy flowers for me" looking at the women while she wraps my flowers I just want to be in and out of the shop, I never came here to start a conversation as if I did, I would of gone where the gossip ladies go, the cafe. 

"He was special, before he got blown up" I say shutting the women up not wanting to talk about it, everyone in this town already knows I don't talk to anyone, the only thing they know is that I was in the military serving the county. Watching the women face I know what she's thinking about as she doesn't say anything else without wanting to over step. Once the flowers are wrapped I pay with my card and I'm out the door as Zoey sees me calling my name, I don't need to look back to know she's having a conversation with the ladies who served me. People say when you find someone you love to cherish them till the dying moment and thats what me and kai did, not knowing he be taken away too soon, he was my everything. 

A couple hours have passed and I'm sitting in my car outside the graveyard where kai was buried along with those who have fallen before him, that day I didn't only loose kai, I lost friends as his team was great brothers to him and became my friends always watching my back. Finally getting out the car I been sat in for half an hour I head towards kai stone seeing all the family of fallen soldiers visiting also with flowers. Making it to his stone I look at it before placing the flowers down, wishing I would have one more minute with him. I don't want to say goodbye. 

-flashback-

Standing with my men I look at kai parents as kai coffin sits there with our flag over him, he's in peace now but is he really, as the tears run down my face I can only think about what if it was me and my team who went into the building first instead of kai's he would be here moaning me instead of the other way around. However standing here looking at kai all I can think about is the people he left behind moaning his death, he was loved by everyone, he didn't have to work for the love he got, he just had that kind of energy where we all loved him. Seeing his parents cry into each other it makes me miss him more, I still wear our engagement ring around my neck which reminds me off him, he defiantly wont be forgotten but he will be missed. As the priest talks I back out the whole way though it not listening to him or looking at him but instead looking at where kai will be laying for years to come

"I remember when we all first met kai he just stood out and bought the energy to the room, he fooled around and made us all laugh and cry with laughter, he made us all feel like family made sure no one was left behind but when his love of his life came in the picture I never seen him so happy, she brighten up his day. Kai was an amazing soldier, a great friend, a loving son and a perfect gentlemen to his fiancé. He wouldn't want us crying like we are instead he would want us remembering the memories we all share with him and celebrate the life he had that was taken to soon, Kai is gone but never forgotten" wiping the tears away from one of his childhood friends, I think about all the memories we had and there is quite a few, we had so many good and bad. Nodding my head at his childhood best friend who did the speech for me as I couldn't bring myself without bursting in tears, he meant so much but I knew it would have been better coming from his childhood friend who was there single birth pretty much. 

Hearing the gun shots as they lower kai into the grave I feel an arm around my shoulders and I cant help but lend into the person comforting me already knowing its Jacob who has been my best friend since we both joined the service together. Lifting my head up my eyes connect with kai mother who hasn't stopped crying as her son isn't coming back but the eye connect is cut short as they hand her kai flag, the only thing they have left off him. As one by one steps up to kai parents I'm not sure if I'm ready to say how sorry I am, we both lost him but as I'm standing in front of kai parents now his mother brings me into a long hugging, I whisper in her ear saying how sorry I am for her lost, kai was a mother boy all over

"you are always welcome to come round to see us, kai loved you deeply and I couldn't been happier to know he had you in his life" as his mother says those words to me I start to cry once more only for his mother to bring me into another hug, I will miss these hugs. Letting go of kai mother I walk aways like a coward without saying goodbye to kai but I'm not ready, I don't want to say goodbye, I cant. How do I say goodbye to someone who made me love all over again and bring me out my shell, he was my superhero and now my guardian angel. 

-end of flashback-

"I'm sorry I never said goodbye that day but I'm here now and I still don't want to say it but I have to let you go, this isn't goodbye but i'll see you again soon, you will aways be my love of my life and irreplaceable to me. You was the reason for my happiness and I couldn't be more thankful for it. I love you and I will forever love you, you still have my heart and always will, till we meet again" saying goodbye was the hardest thing I have done in my lifetime, its never gets easier as we lose a lost one and now I have lost two people who I have loved. Placing a kiss on kai stone I walk away knowing ill be seeing him when its my time but as I leave the graveyard I sit in my car thinking about everything, would kai be proud of the women I am now, I have made up with my brother like he wanted, he always pushed me to fix what I left behind but I couldn't, its the only reason I came home and thats because of him. 

Pulling out the car park I go to the only place that knows what I'm going though, my father. After he lost his wife my mother he lost a piece of himself so he knows what I'm going though, my father and mother was attached to the hip every time I seen them and they loved each other every second, I always wanted what they had and I did for a short time of six years, i didn't want it too end as he was the love of my life, I'm never going to find another kai in my life, I always thought we only get one chance of true love and mine was kai. The hour drive back I'm parked outside my fathers I'm hoping he's in as I don't know what to do now that I said goodbye, it may of taken me this long to say it but that day I wasn't and now I'm ready to move on, I just cant. 

"dad"