Blind to love

going forward

Callie POV

Having a tough week or two I finally feel better like my normal self but I still hate the silence, reading kai letter gave me a piece of mind knowing he's waiting for me on the other side. He was always my glue that kept me going and too this day I now have his letter to keep me going. Placing kai letter in a safe place where I can easily read over and over again is what I need when I'm feeling down or just need to see his handwriting, he knew exactly what to say when I needed him the most. Thinking about everything that happened in the last two weeks that I had a step or two backwards I realise I missed my brothers Sunday dinner and working at the garage, I know matt texted me but I couldn't reply, I wouldn't know what to say, it's not easy just coming out and telling him all about my past, especially my fiancé I lost.

Throwing a pair of running shorts on I head downstairs where Jacob parents are packing there bags, they have stayed with me for a while now making sure I'm ok which I appreciate and now I'm back to my normal self they think its time they thought about going back home. Though out the years Jacob parents have understood me so them coming and staying me, helped. They know just how to calm me down, they may not be my parents but they sure do act like my family
"I'll see you in like a hour" I say to Teresa before setting off. It gives them enough time to finish packing. Closing the door on my way out I feel the sun in my face, smiling as I start my slow jog needing the exercise and the time outside. I have loved my morning jogs and I rely on them quite a bit to stop my mind from turning. Running uphill I feel the strain on my legs, I always feel better running downhill then up even if I do nearly go head over heels. Rolling back up to my front door I catch my breath before heading inside, with my hands on my head, I close my eyes listening to the outside while trying to calm my racing heartbeat. Finally opening my eyes again I walk inside heading straight for the fridge needing a bottle of water, while walking inside I find Jacob parents on the sofa enjoying a quiet moment with each other, I envy what they have together, I want it and at a time I did. 

"now your back, we be going. Please call us if you need anything hun" nodding my head I help with taking there bags to the cars, knowing its time I go back to work and see my brother that I let down once again, I know theres only a couple times he will forgive me but its worth a try. Watching Jacob parents drive away I start waving before going back inside and grabbing a shower, a well needed shower in my defence as I smell kind of bad. 

Washing my self I let the warm water roll down my face as I stand there thinking about what I'm going to be saying to my brother, knowing theres only one thing I can say and thats the truth about what happened. Its going to be hard telling him a piece of my past but it has to be done, he's been in the dark about my life since I left and thats only my fault, if I didn't disappear we would still be talking daily with each other. Finally climbing out the shower I head to the bedroom looking for a pair of jeans and a t-shirt to throw on quickly, daylight is wasting away as I stand here thinking about everything. Throwing my hair in a quick ponytail and putting a hat over the top I'm ready to leave, I'm just hoping he hear me out. Closing the door on my leave I start walking with headphones in this time, I don't see many cars on the road so listening to music is the next best thing, anything bets listening to the silence. Taking the long way around I have reached my brothers jay street and now I'm here my palms are all sweaty thinking about telling him all about my past like its a story but theres some bits that I don't like talking about and thats kai for example, it was hard enough the day it happened, I don't want to keep reliving the moment over and over again. Knocking on my brothers door I wait a couple of seconds before walking off but before I turn my back the door opens and my brother is standing there looking at me and I freeze on the spot, why do I get so nervous around my brother like he's a stranger, probably because he pretty much is a stranger for the past eight years

"I'm sorry, I kind of had a break down the last few days or so. I cant stand the silence and when I did let the silence in all I could think about was what happened to kai and how I couldn't save him. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I wouldn't move from the corner of my room. I sat in the dark for days till Jacob parents and Jacob came. They have been my family and knew about everything so it was easy for them to help. I'm standing here right now asking for forgiveness and to tell you about my past, I need a shoulder and its time I start acting like I still have family here instead of relying on my army family" Finishing the sentence with my head down and tears running down my face I know I have to face my demons at some point in my life, and I know its better facing them when I have family backing me up. Meeting my brothers eyes I only just realise that he crying, before I say anything else he wraps me into a hug whispering in my ear 

"I forgive you baby sister" hearing those words I have a little smile on my face, I have to stop pushing my brother away and keeping my past from him, if I need a shoulder to cry on he needs to know what he's dealing with. I need family around me helping and not kept in the dark. As jay steps aside I walk into his apartment looking around, I don't know much about my brother and looking in his apartment says a lot. Following jay to the sofa we both sit down and I don't know where to start, I cant remember what I told him or what he knows so far. 

"The day I lost my fiancé I lost a piece of myself, I was there when he got killed and watching it broke my heart, he wasn't even suppose to be on that mission, It was suppose to be me who got killed. Seeing his lifeless body I couldn't believe my eyes I'm still haunted by the memories trying to pick myself back up, the following days it was like I wasn't even there and the day before he was being sent home I slept by his coffin and the guys joined me, not wanting to leave me alone. All I can think about that it should have been me" wiping my tears away jay sits there and listened to everything I have to say about how we was going to get married when we got home but it was only one of us who made it back. 

Sitting in silence for a couple of seconds jay brings me into another hug rubbing my back calming me down, telling him all about my past wasn't easy, but as I told him everything I feel like a piece of me can breath a lot better. Standing up I ask for directions to the bathroom needing to freshen up before meeting my brother again, splashing water on my face I calm myself down before walking out and seeing my brother in the kitchen with another women, looking at the women I notice one thing, she's pregnant....

"finally, Callie I like you to meet my wife...."