Broken Inside

1 - The Abandoned Child

Alex had always felt separated from others. One of the reasons was the way she looked. Her father was Black-Caucasian mix and her mother was Korean-Caucasian mix. Alex has blue almond-shaped eyes, straight nose, pouty lips, black straight hair, olive skin, and long limbs. She was quiet and barely have any friends growing up. 

The house she lived in has seen better days. Her mother was never good at housekeep and ended up leaving everything broken unamended. There were days when Alex would go to bed hungry because her mother forgot to feed her or she was too strung out. When she was younger, her mother would walk her to and from elementary school. But there were days when Alex was left waiting at school and her mother didn't show up. After waiting for a couple of hours, she would walk home on her own, and usually would find her mother passed out on the couch surrounded by beer bottles.

Sometimes she's not alone. Alex had lost count of the numbers of different men her mother brought home. Most of them ignored her, pretended like she doesn't exist. But there were some who liked to push her around, liked telling her to grab them a beer from the fridge or to 'get the hell out of my sight'. Whenever her mother brought home these men, Alex would lock herself in her room. 

The only good memory Alex had was during her tenth birthday. She came home from school and her mother was waiting for her in the kitchen, with a whoopee pie on a plate and a single candle lit. She was so happy that her mother remembered her birthday. They sang happy birthday and blew the candle out. Then they shared the small cake together.

As a teenager, things became harder for her. She was the weird girl at school who wore faded bad-fitting charity clothes and has no friends. She spent her breaks outdoor, behind the gym where nobody ever goes. She would read, books that she got from the library. She loved to read. Reading brings her into worlds that she would never be able to go in real life.

So when Colin asked her to prom, who can blame her for hoping?

Alex found herself imagining what it would be like to go to prom with Colin. He would be looking smart in a black suit and blue tie that brings out the colour of his eyes. He would smile when he sees her in her dress. 

What dress? The voice of reason poked its ugly head. 

She couldn't afford a prom dress, not even the ones in the thrift store. Colin would never be seen with a girl wearing a dress from a thrift store. 

Alex scoffed. Served you right for dreaming. She shook her head to get rid of the thoughts in her head. 

She has reached home. She unlocked the door and went inside. 

The first thing she noticed was the strong smell of vomit mixed with alcohol. It was stronger than usual because all the windows were closed. Alex coughed and went into the kitchen. She opened the window to let out the smell and let some fresh air in. Then she went to the dark living room. As she pulled back the curtains and opened the windows, she wondered where her mother was. Usually her mother would open the windows and curtains in the morning. 

Alex turned around and groaned. The living room was a mess! There were bottles everywhere. She started picking up the bottles closest to her. Then she noticed it, the pair of legs from behind the coffee table. Mom passed out again.

Alex exhaled and went to her mother. She was lying face down on the carpet, her hair covering her face. Alex knelt down beside her and tried to shake her awake, but she realised something was wrong. Her mother felt cold to the touch. 

"Mom? Mom!"

She tried shaking her, but there was no response. So Alex grabbed her arm and turned her over on her back. When she saw her mother's face, she screamed!

Her mother was pale and lifeless. There were vomit crust on the corner of her mouth, nose and cheek. 

Alex leaped back and started crying. This can't be happening. No, no, no, no, no...

She didn't know how long she remained frozen on the spot. Finally, she got up and went to the kitchen. She picked up the wall phone with shaky fingers and dialled 911.

She couldn't remember what she said to them, but when the police and ambulance arrived, she was still standing in the kitchen, staring blankly at the wall. 

Everything around her happened in a blur. They were moving fast and slow at the same time. The police tried to talk to her but she couldn't hear what they said. She was in shock.

She watched them taking her lifeless mother away in a black bodybag. She felt hot tears flow down her cheeks. That was the last thing that she felt.

Everyday after that day seemed blurred together. She remembered having to spent nights at the local CPS, because she was still a minor. She remembered attending a very drab funeral for her mother. 

When she thought that things couldn't get worse, she was told that she will be going to Waco, Texas. Her mother's elder sister, the aunt that she has never met, has agreed to take custody of her.

That was the first time that Alex had considered running away. But she changed her mind and let the CPS worker take her to Texas, knowing full well that she will be miserable there.