Forever and Always ✔️

27. Start of something New

The thing is I tried so hard to communicate but somehow everything I want to tell him comes out wrong.

It was never miscommunication, rather the lack of effort that broke my heart a little bit more every-time.

I know how pathetic, crying over a guy, but he wasn't just a guy. He was a shred of hope I wanted to hold on to for as long as I can remember. It didn't matter he didn't want to hold on to me.

It took a while for me grasp that it has to be a  two way street, I can't be the only one holding on. The sad reality is that he never even cared. Sure he probably missed his best friend but that was it.

I expect him to also vent but he doesn't. He's always composed and clam and I hated that. It's like he didn't care whereas I spent countless hours thinking about him.

I wanted him to be affected by me as much as I was by him but no.

Have you ever tried to talk to a wall? Like an actual wall, made of brick and cement? I have and similarly that's what it feels like talking to him. It's frustrating!

He wasn't always like this. I miss the old him. The guy who made me believe in love. The guy who melted my heart faster than how climate change is melting the icebergs.

Frustration engulfed me every-time I tried to get him to open up. I ignore him till I can't and when I finally want to talk to him he makes it seem like it's no big deal which in returns makes me feel stupid that I care so much.

It's been a cycle. I am so sick of it and maybe it's been dragged on for so long is because I always held out hopes.

I don't anymore. Something changed within these seven years that no longer gives me any hope. It's not that time heals wounds bull crap. That's a lie. Maybe physical wounds, but the internal wounds heal when you want them to. By internal I mean emotional scars not like internal bleeding.

I don't know what the future holds but I have no hopes.

But somehow I am okay with that.

I am by no means a realistic person but my accumulated life experiences have taught me that having hope is too unrealistic. I can't continue like this anymore.

Daniel's words keep ringing in my mind, I've been thinking about talking to him.

Suddenly I can hear someone trying to enter my and a smile plays on my lips.

"How's my little monkey doing?" He offers me a cheeky grin as he launches himself in the couch.

"I need coffee." I grunt moving away.

He sits up straight and looks at me weird.

"What?" I ask as he stares at me.

"Something's different."

"What is?" I try to play dumb.

"You? Something changed, you seem less pissed off at the world." He knows me too well.

"What makes you say that."

"It's been 76 seconds since I entered the room and not once have you thrown an insult."

"Ha ha very funny."

"No I mean it."

"I don't know, I guess I woke on the right side of the bed." I think he bought it.

"I like it, would you look at that? You are even smiling. I need to mark the calendar."

"Can you not be so overdramatic for one second?"

"Let's get breakfast?" I nod excitedly, I am starving. I don't feel like getting room service.

He somehow knows me more than I know myself and it scares me.

Daniel has been my rock since I met him. He always knows what to say even though the half of the things he says makes no sense.

We head to a cafe nearby and stuff our faces with breakfast sandwiches and coffee. I even got ice cream. I love being an adult; I can eat ice cream for breakfast without being yelled at.

Daniel and I skipped going to the worksite today; I know how careless of me not lead my forced project but I really didn't feel like dealing with snobby people today.

"Aurora?"

I softy hum.

"What is it? I can't really pin point it but you seem different." I don't know why but something has changed.

"Daniel just live in the moment. It is so wrong that I am not being paranoid."

"I guess not but you should be like this more often." A smile plays on lips as he glances at he view ahead of us.

We found a hidden waterfall, it's not really hidden but we just walked a couple of miles from the hotel and landed here.

It's beautiful.

There's a beautiful garden, alluring vibrant flowers everywhere and giant trees that give it forbidden garden essence.

Daniel sarcastically chuckles besides and I turn to look at him.

"What?"

"You got your reports back, didn't you?"

How did he—

"Did you threaten them to update you as well?"

There's no denying, he knows.

"Something like that, I know you have a habit of keeping secrets." He shrugs and dramatically blows on his nails like he read a manual on how I operate.

"6 months."

I whisper to myself for the first time. But I know he heard it.

"No! Tell me you are lying."

"It's not all bad, you won't have someone constantly insulting you."

"It's not funny."

"Don't tell me you will actually miss me?"

"Aurora this isn't fucking funny, what is wrong with you?"

"I am okay Daniel. I really am."

"No! You aren't!" His voice held so much anger and frustration.

"Dani-"

"No! No more what you want! You are going to do things the right way! We are going back to London tomorrow. We have to find a match. You are going to be okay."

"I-"

"I don't care what you have to say! It's decided! Aurora no more hiding. You need to fight! I mean it. Please do this, I am begging you." His anger vanishes and pleas of desperation take over. I can't help but nod. I have hurt the people around me and it's only fair I don't give up. Little by little pieces of me were somewhat lost yet Daniel held on to a tiny piece of me that he met in college and kept with it him. That tiny piece had kept me alive.

I am consumed by guilt for all I've done to him. I've probably traumatized the poor guy yet he is still here, right next to me. Never letting go.

What's the worst that can happen from trying? Failure, well then at least I would know I never stopped fighting.

I don't want to believe but a part of knows that there's no happy ending.