Tendou's POV from now on
"You, Tendou Satori, you're gonna be the death of me." That was the last thing Y/N said to me before she died. She died. She died right in my arms. It doesn't seem real, none of this seems real. It keeps playin through my head like a fucking movie. I watched her get hit, I saw it. It seems like something out of movie, watching that happen. The smell of burnt rubber, the screech of metal shredding, glass popping... What the fuck am I supposed to do now?
I thought all of this as I sat in a hard chair in the police station. They wanted a statement from me because I saw it all happen, because when they got there she was dead in my arms. I felt her take her last breathe, I felt her die. My throat hurt from screaming, trying to wake her up. My was throbbing non stop and I can't get this fucking ringing out of my ears. I'm so tired, so so tired.
I told them everything that happened. I told them why Y/n was coming to my house, how she didn't see the stop sign, how I pulled her out of the car myself, and how she died. After what felt like forever they let me go home.
I walked by where it happened, shards of metal and glass still on the ground and a group of people trying to clean it all up. I turned away quickly, walking faster into my house. I didn't want to live through it again, though I knew I would till the day I died.
I walked into the house and pulled out my phone, it was only noon. It's only been 5 hours and I'm sure her mom knew by now. All at once it hit me again. I could feel a sob work its way up my throat and before I could choke it back I started crying again. My entire body shook, first my phone fell out of my hands then I fell too. I landed hard on the floor but I didn't care. Y/n was actually dead and I couldn't save her.
Why God, why? What did I do to deserve this? People of good faith say that you don't give people more than they can handle, but I can't handle this. How much do you expect out of me? Out of everyone? What type of merciless God could be this cruel?
I laid on the ground with my arms over my head, practically screaming. This ache in my chest and what felt like a bottomless pit in my stomach was killing me, I wish it actually had. I wanted to hold her again, hear her voice. I wanted to watch her be in love with the world. I wanted her back.
~~~
A few weeks after she died her mom invited me to her funeral. It would be a small ceremony, just us and maybe a extra person or two. I respectfully told her no. I would go visit her a few days after.
~~~
It's been a month since she died and I still hear her. If it get quiet enough I can hear her laughing or calling out my name. At times I swear I can feel her touch my hands. I never did go to her grave either. Everyday I swear I'll go but somethings holding me back. I think maybe seeing her name on a headstone makes it real, I really will go one day, but for now I go to school every day in a daze mostly. Not talking unless spoken too and keeping my head down. I felt numb, everything was numb, but night was the worst. At least during the day I had the buzz of the school or homework to distract me, but when it got dark and quiet, when the mundane tasks for the day ran out, that's when it all comes back.
I take out my phone and reread messages between the two of us, sometimes sending her messages. It's only a matter of time before her number starts being used by someone else and I have to stop, I really should stop, but for now its the one thing I have left of her. I also started listening to the songs that remind me of her. I can see her beautiful smile in my head constantly, I picture it soft and I ache. I sometimes talk to her and by that I mean I talk to myself pretending its her. I tell her about my day and stuff like that, she's a great listener.
I haven't visited her mom yet, I want to say something to her but I don't know what. I want to tell her that I'm sorry, anything really. I get out of bed and look outside. Its a gorgeous day and I know that Y/n would insist we go to the park and take in the air, appreciate the little things. I slip on some shoes and start walking down the street trying to take in the air like she does, but it doesn't work for me, it's nothing.
I stare down at my foot as I walk, thinking of nothing but everything at the same time. I decide to go to Y/n's house and talk to her mom, I need to do it.
When I get there I see the new car her mom got, she must be home. I walk up to the door slowly, dragging my feet. Something tells me I shouldn't talk to her and just leave her alone but I can't stop now. I knock a few times and after a solid minute of waiting I consider leaving, but that's when the door opens.
She looks at me in surprise clearly not expecting me at all. "What do you want." she asks bitterly. "I-" I start to say but stop. What did I want? "I wanted to say I'm sorry." I say after a minute. "Sorry," she clucks. "Sorry for what? For getting my little girl killed?" she hisses. My eyes widen with shock and I take a small step back. "I- that's not what-" she cuts me off.
"You're the reason she was out there. If she never went to pick you up she'd still be alive." I felt my eyes fill up with tears but I blinked them back, frozen in place. "My baby would still be alive but she's dead." I start to say something. "No, no. You don't get to say anything to me. You don't get to show up to my house a month after she died to show me your pity. You didn't even go to her fucking funeral. What the fucks wrong with you? I was the one who lost someone, she was MY daughter. You are just some stupid little boy that got her killed." She raised her voice with each word. "She died in my arms." I tell her, "I watched the car get hit, I saw it all. I pulled her out, I tried to save her I swear." The tears where coming back and so where the memories.
She sat there stunned for a minute, clearly not knowing that this happened at all. "Don't you ever come by me or my house again. I hope you spend the rest of your life suffering the way I will." she fumed. "You are a fucking monster."
