Run With Me || JJK+PJM

twenty-six

JUNGKOOK

I want to burn myself alive. What was I thinking? I'm staring at the stupid fire and I can feel tears in my eyes. Tears. Can you believe it? I actually thought Jimin liked me back. Hell, I don't even know when I started having feelings for him. I guess running away makes a person insane. Or maybe it's just that I've never gotten a shot at love and Jimin is just so perfect.

He's everything.

My heart's already aching.

I want to laugh at myself.

Of course this was going to happen. It was bound to happen.

It feels like the fire is in me, burning and chipping away at whatever is left in me.

My hand finds itself on my face and swipes at the tears. My lips part and I laugh softly.

Of course.

JIMIN

My breaths come out in quick wispy swirls in the chilled air. I round the barn and lean against its wall, knowing that Jungkook is right behind this wall separating us. My head is spinning and I can't think.

He tried to kiss me.

And I wanted it?

Did I want to kiss him too?

It's crazy. Firstly, he's a boy. Secondly, we've only been together for less than a month. Thirdly, I... I... I don't know. I quiver in the cold but all I can think about is Jungkook. My legs give out and I slowly slide onto the snowy ground.

I rub my hands together and blow on them for warmth as I huddle against the wall.

I touch my lips lightly and I wonder what would've been if I hadn't backed away.

And then tears start falling. By God, what is happening to me? Tears start running down my cheeks and I want to laugh in ridicule. I've never thought about liking, loving, Jungkook and now all of a sudden I'm crying about it.

My heart is pushing and pulsating against my ribcage and it creates a yawning stretch of ache in me. It's something I've never felt before. It's scary.

What is happening, Jimin? Why is this happening? God damn it, Jungkook.

JUNGKOOK

I don't realise I've fallen asleep until I'm woken up by rustling. Someone's gently patting my shoulders.

"The train's coming soon, Jungkook. We should go," a warm voice melts around me. I think nothing of it and rub at my eyes until last night comes flooding back in. It's a memory that resembles a sea pushing and breaking past the dam of my consciousness.

I open my eyes and it's Jimin. I try not to fully look at him as we both stand.

I want to ask about where he slept - I want to know if he wasn't disgusted enough to actually sleep in this barn with me. He clears up the burnt hay and twigs - the remains of the fire. It's sort of ironic in a way. My throat feels thick and I clear it.

"Jimin, about last night-"

He turns sharply and forces a tight-lipped smile.

"It's fine," he says. I furrow my brows and stand up.

"What do you mean it's fine?" I echo.

"I mean it doesn't have to be awkward," he shrugs and does that fake smile again.

My heart starts to patter away. Do it, coward.

"You don't have feelings for me?" I ask. It's okay, I tell myself, it's okay if he doesn't.

And it would've been okay - had he not remained silent. He's avoiding my eyes and he swallows thickly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I whisper in confusion.

"I don't know," he mumbles, looking at me with his brown big eyes.

JIMIN

I look at him helplessly.

How am I supposed to respond to that? I don't even know if I like him. My heart races, sure. I want to be around him, sure - but maybe that's just from going through this dramatically traumatic experience with him. I want to be around him forever - that's definitely rather dramatic.

"I like you, Jimin. Do you like me?" he continues. I want to answer. But I don't know what to say. Why can I not think of something to say?

"Jimin?" his voice interrupts my blurred daze and I refocus and look into his eyes. He's so vulnerable right now, why can't I say something? I try to talk but my throat is dry so I try again.

"I don't think we would work," I say clearly.

What am I saying?