Mated with my worst enemy!

is this what it feels like to be dying? (Vampy Pov)

Everyone said that love hurt but i thought that was bullshit. Being staked hurt. Loneliness hurt. Loosing someone hurt. But none of the above hurt more that rejection. Rejection made the pain of loosing someone, whether you were crazy about them or not, feel gut wrenching and world ending. It was even worse when that person was your soulmate. The feeling was like you were being ripped in two,slowly and painfully. Standing there in the middle of the living room, i just watched him go. I had my fingers reaching out and the words in my throat but they just wouldnt fucking come out. My knees gave out and i just sat there thinking, what the fuck did i just do? Id virtuallly just let go of the one person who was holding me together. The saying, you never know what youve got until you loose it, suddenly made much more sense in that moment.

I didnt know what made me flinch in that moment. I knew and trusted him enough to know that he would never hurt me physically. Not intentionally anyway. But i had never seen him that angry before. I didnt know what his wolf was capable of and when he raised his hand, my instincts took over and i couldnt help but flinch. I could see what my reaction did to him. It was as if i was looking straight through him and i could see his heart litterally shatter in front of my eyes and id never felt so shit in my life. If there was one thing i regretted im my life, it was that moment.

I loved him, i really did but i couldnt tell him. I knew he love me too but i was scared. I was so fucking terrified of not being good enough. I hated that i couldnt have kids. Eventhough, the pack doctor had said i had 40% of having kids, to me i was more or less infertile. If i was his kind i wouldnt be such a disappointment. Thats all it really came to. The difference between our nature. We were like fire and rain. We constantly drove each other insane but we could never stay mad at each other for long. I knew i could be a crazy bitch, hell he knew it too but he still accepted me the way i was. He over looked my flaws and he never tried to change me. All he ever did was try to make things easier for me but what did i do? I kept things from him and i was so fucking selfish! I thought it was better if i kept the news to myself. I thought he couldnt possibly understannd what it felt like to disappoint someone. But i was wrong. Man was i wrong! I never bothered to look at things from his perspective and my lack of empathy landed me where i was now. On the floor of what id come to know as the living room to my home. A place where i belonged and where people looked up to me and saw me as one of their own. But then again, I guess i was just scared of giving myself to someone who had the power to completely break me. But it seemed like id already fallen too hard and i didnt need his help to break. The thought of loosing him shattered my non-existant heart but i couldnt loose hope.

We had come too far to let our love just die. I wasnt going to let him die unhappy. If we were going to die in the next two days, we were going to die together and happy!  I was tired of being a scared little cat and i was going to get my shit together and sort it out!

With that self motivation in mind, i fell asleep.

*****

Buddum-buddum-buddum-

The sound of a unfamiliar heart beat woke me up. Eyes still closed, i try to sense where it was coming from. No-ones heart beat in the house sounded like that, so whose was it. I couldnt feel anyone around me but i could smell an unfamiliar scent. It was strong and it was close by. I felt oddly warm. I was a vampire it took a lot to get me warm, which meant that something was very much wrong with me.The heart beat was still very much present. It sounded short, erratic and inside me?

With a start i sat up from the living room floor and scanned my surroundings. Sure enough, i was all alone and i could still hear- more like feel the heart beat. My pale hand rose to my chest where my heart shouldve have been but it was completely motionless and silent. Moving it further down to my stomach, i finally located the beating. There was something in my stomach and it had a heartbeat. To say i was shocked would be an understatement of the freaking century. I was flabergasted!! 

I made to get up but a sudden feeling of neausea hit me like a hurrican. There was a pounding in my head, and i had sweat dripping from my forehead! What the fuck was happening to me? I NEVER sweat! Like NEVER! Crawling on the floor, i located the nearest bathroom. My hand slapped the wall until the light switch turned on. I sunk to the toilet bowl without a second to spare, releasing my stomachs contents. My stomach ached and my throat burned with each wretch of my gut. Is this what it felt like to be dying?

Five minutes of emptying my stomach later, i finally left the bathroom. My mouth was tingly from the mouth wash id used to clean it. I walked out of the house with one destnation in mind. The pack doctors office. I hadnt bothered to change my clothes or even grab a bite to eat because my mind was preoccupied. That unfamiliar stench was still following me and i had decised that whatever was happening with me was causing me to smell funny. It was wierd feeling warm and having a heart beat inside me. I almost felt like i was a mere human and that was as low as i could get. As i waddled to the doctors office, i  couldnt help but wonder where Quill was.

The place wasnt as full as i thought it was going to be and i was so relieved. The pack members that were in the waiting area gave me curious looks but welcomed me anyway. I was never one to use my title for my selfish reasons but i felt like i was allowed to break the rules in this situation. With a fleeting smile, i barged into the doctors office, making everyone who was in there turn to look at me. What made me stop in my tracks was the occupants of the room. Of all the places he couldve been, he was here.

Well here goes nothing.

Hey there lovely readers! Im sorry the story is coming along slowly! Please let ms know what you think :) love ya!